


The Sword of the Servant

by Holmquist4Ever



Category: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Assassination, Assault, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Past Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-04-30 08:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 51,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5156966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holmquist4Ever/pseuds/Holmquist4Ever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We must take adventures in order to know where we truly belong."</p><p>Gandalf asks a dwarf woman to join the company, someone who is completely unrelated to all of them. That is what is believed. As they travel in their adventure to reclaim Erebor, they learned that her past runs deep into her views. Deep into the grounds of Middle-Earth. However, her past is something she refuses to speak about. She uses a minimum amount of words when it comes to that topic. With a past she is so unwilling to share, will the dwarfs learn to trust her? Or will everything go to ruin before she gets a chance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my story! Please note that I have a extremely busy schedule, so I will update when I can. I will also give a warning beforehand, I update my chapters often. I do not like errors or mistakes, so I go through previous chapters. If there is a major change to a chapter you will be informed, otherwise do not be alarmed. Enjoy!

20 years before the journey began.

I hated what I did. The being I had become. I was nothing more than a weapon of mass destruction. Feared worse than any plague. I had become a nightmare which spread throughout Middle-Earth, haunting all. The terror. The Shadow. Nothing more than a darkness consuming you until you're heart came to a complete stop. Most didn't know who I was at the sight of me. It's the only thing I've been taught. It comes as easy as breathing, and I despise myself for it. So, I'm forced to sit here and have these torturous emotions and thoughts boil inside my body slowly.

The past few years it has been nothing more than an old horror, and I would like to keep it that way.


	2. The Invitation

Edge of the Wild (River Bruinen)  
Gandalf's POV:

The young girl was just as skilled as she was beautiful. However, just like any other person, she comes with problems of her own. Axellriandra. She needed to be part of the company, without her our journey wouldn't succeed. It was bound in her fate as it was in my own, and I knew by the way she held herself that the small child she was once hadn't changed. Her heart still yearned for adventure even after her spirit had been broken and beaten in her previous journeys. If I am to get her to join the company, it will be on her own terms. I will have to say it like it is.

"Axellriandra? May I have a word?" I gently asked, curiosity lacing into my voice.

She looked at me skeptically, for she has only met me a very few number of times. Those moments hasn't been under the best circumstances either. Then a brief look of déjà-vu spread across her features only to be replaced with a look of pure and utter dwarf attitude.

"Let me guess, you need my help." She spoke clearly for being a dwarf girl, there was no mumbling, murmuring or stumbling over her words.

"Well, yes." I sighed through my nose, reaching to find the thick and ragged parchment. "I cannot read it, I believe it to be Black Speech. What do you think?"

The skilled fingers of the archer reached forward, delicately caring for the rough material. She murmured to herself, her mind working effortlessly to translate the illegible scribbles.

"The promise of payment for someone's head. Thorin Oakenshield." My face must have said enough her eyes shining knowingly. "You know him?"

The disturbing information has gently rolled back into place, gently extended towards me knowingly.

"As a matter of fact, I do." My rough voice was heavy with concern, a noise which the woman mentally noted. "I believe that I have a meeting with said dwarf."

I thought deeply for a moment longer. Her wary eyes watching my every move, knowing that I had not finished. A smirked rolled across her young face, seeming to know all to well what I was thinking.

"When, and where?" She inquired as she turned and shot an arrow, feathers-deep into the target.

"Hobbiton, The Shire. This Saturday, you should get there after dark. That way the other hobbits aren't feeling as if their privacy has been invaded." I said, almost vacantly as I thought.

"Except your poor victim," The young girl said to herself. She sighed, closed her eyes and shot three arrows into the bullseye's of three separate targets. Turning on her heels, she looked me in the eye. "I'll be there."

With that, she vanished into the surrounding forest. Hopefully I get the chance to tell Thorin first.


	3. The Meeting

Bag End, Third Person POV:

Gandalf spoke aloud to himself, as he counted the dwarfs running and bustling about beneath him. Trying to think inwardly and concentrate was much too difficult with the amount of racket being made. He sighed and turned around to see a small dwarf waving an flapping his arms about, to any other person it would have seemed like a strange act. But to Gandalf it made total sense.

"Yes, Bifur, you're quite right. We are missing one..." With that the little dwarf waddled off quickly. But little did he know that Gandalf was still talking aloud to himself again. "Or maybe even two."

The bustling and rambunctious activity continued for a few more good hours and into the night. Until a knock at the door rung throughout the house. Not a single small creak rung throughout the house as Gandalf spoke before moving towards the door. Opening it to find Thorin Oakenshield before him, he moved aside and let the tallest of the dwarfs through the entry way. All the men continued for roughly another half an hour, speaking excitedly about dragons and lost cities. The poor hobbit whom's privacy had been invaded that night, known as Bilbo Baggins, had fainted at the descriptive words of the dragon's dangerous abilities. The dwarfs continued to get hopped up even after Bilbo's little moment of faintness, until Gandalf spoke up.

"Do not be so hastily ready to set your plans in stone, even if the hobbit denies there may be another." With those words spoken everybody silenced but Thorin and Gandalf.

"Why is there another member of our company? I thought I asked you to find a burglar, a fourteenth member not a fifteenth too!" Thorin asked impatiently.

"Because I didn't have the chance to tell you until now. They are quite skilled with a bow, and a sword. You might need them...They have learned and trained to be stealthy, beyond the hearing of any elf. So you are to give them a chance. Is that understood?" Gandalf spoke the last words almost harshly, but it seemed to get into the dwarfs minds a little easier that way.

All the dwarfs at the table, even Thorin, were completely speechless. They all sat dumbfounded, not knowing how to react or what to even say for that matter. All they could do was sit there at the small table and wait with curiosity etched on their faces. After what seemed like eternity a small and silent knock sounded at the door. Causing every single dwarf to freeze on the spot. Gandalf moved from his chair swiftly to go and get the door for the next guest. But not before giving the dwarfs a little warning first.

"Be nice to her." With that Gandalf vanished around the corner.

"Did he say her?" A small and young dwarf, otherwise known as Ori, sputtered.

* * *

Her POV:

As I pulled down the cloth around my lower face, I knocked on the door as gently as I could. I was afraid to damage the little hobbit's door. I knew the kind slightly, just from the stories I've heard on my other travels. I don't think he'd like it if I even so much as breathed on the paint. I looked back down towards the bottom of the green door, and sure enough there was a small little blue glowing marking. I was at the right place. Just as I looked back up the small door swung open, revealing a rather relieved looking Gandalf. He chuckled and welcomed me in as he stepped back from the doorway. I thanked him as I've been taught, and removed my cloak. I quickly searched for a place to put them, quickly spotting an unused coat-hanger. Dwarfs, I thought to myself as I rolled my eyes. I hung up my slightly damp, black knee-length cloak and set my weapons beneath it. I turned back to Gandalf, thanking him for waiting. I followed him to the place everybody else had been waiting, double checking the pathway for laying around dwarf-belongs that would be a tripping hazard. My eyes quickly fluttered over every dwarf standing or sitting around the room. I felt slightly exposed the moment everybody began to stare at me. But I didn't flinch, I knew weakness wasn't the first impression these men wanted to see. I'd give each of these men the respect they deserve but I was prepared to take on any of them who thought they could walk all over me. I watched silently as the head of the group walked over to me. Well he seems strangely familiar. It seemed as though I was about to be questioned.

"Name?" He said.

"Axellriandra," I made sure that I spoke clearly, and to really not stumble over my words in the slightest. He smirked and looked like he wanted to make a remark but he held his tongue and instead said.

"Weapons?"

"Bow, sword, throwing knives, you name it."

"Skills?"

"I can hear over extreme distances when I want to and I have a pretty good memory."

"Pretty good?" "Insanely good." He grunted, pleased with my correction.

"Okay, anything else?"

"I can tell what's on people's minds."

"Demonstrate." With those final words said a small hobbit walks into the room, with Gandalf closely behind. I started to examine the faces of every dwarf in the room. Slowly moving myself around for a better view of the faces. I made eye contact with a younger dwarf longer than any of the others, something just pulled me to him. His shoulder length brown hair was surprisingly straight, his stubble was extremely different for a dwarf but all in all it made him incredibly handsome. He did one of those notorious half-smirks and I could feel my face heat up slightly. I turned my head quickly, trying to focus on my task at hand. I turned to the curious little hobbit, and could see everything just on his facial expression alone.

"This is a larger quest you've invited me on Gandalf...you never told me there was a beast involved." I replied with a smart-arse attitude.

As soon as the words had left my mouth I wish I could take them back. I felt a rough hand grab my shoulder and only moments after, my back was slammed into the nearest wall. I could feel my vision going out slightly, but I blinked quickly and rocked my head side-to-side forcefully before opening my eyes to the burly dwarf I'd seen earlier. I looked over his left shoulder to see the leader looking at me seriously but still curiously. The bouncer-like dwarf spoke harshly to me but still with wonder in his voice.

"How did you know that?! Who told you?!" He pushed me deeper into the wall.

"Nobody told me. I could read it on the hobbit's face, your burglar?...He passed out just before I got here didn't he?" I inquired.

The small hobbit looked at me displeased, then slightly shocked once it all settled in.

"How--" he begun. "Never mind...goodnight every one. You may settle yourselves here in the living room for the night."

With that he stomped out of the living room, with nothing more to say.

"I don't do it often. I tend to get into trouble when I do it." I nodded toward the fists clinging to the throat of my thick black leather tunic.

"Understandable." Said the head dwarf. As he opened his mouth, another dwarf was already on the move. "If you are to be part of the company an arrangement must be made,"

An elder dwarf held a long, delicate looking parchment. "Will you sign the contract?"

"No need to ask, I'd be happy to sign your contract. Especially if it'd put your minds at ease, then please." I spoke softly but loud enough for him to hear.

The angry dwarf let go reluctantly and walked back over to where he was previously. The head dwarf nodded and had the older dwarf hand me the contract. I walked over to the nearest solid, flat surface, and began to glimpse over it. Seems reasonable enough. I signed it, making sure to take my time so my writing was actually legible, and handed it back. The older dwarf looked at my signature and complemented my penmanship, welcomed me to the company of Thorin Oakenshield then went back to his original seat. Thorin walked over to the edge of the fireplace, and leaned most of his weight against it, and continued to look deep into the fire. But I now knew why, Thorin son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain, had seen dragon fire that will possibly never leave his mind. He started to hum a familiar tune, but apparently I didn't know it as well as the others. The group hummed the tune for some time, allowing a dwarf who seemed to remind me of a lion and the weirdly handsome dwarf to leave. I exited the room too after a short while, noticing the way they silence themselves when I entered the hall. I turned the way I had came to the room, soon finding the entrance. I removed my quiver and bow from my back, my sword from my left hip, and my various sized daggers from my right hip. I double-checked to be sure nobody was nearby before I removed my throwing daggers from my right thigh. Once all my weapons were off I set them near the front door, so I could slip them all on in the morning. I checked to see how damp my cloak was before I took it off the hanger and made my way back towards the small living room. Once I got within view of the two young dwarfs again they seemed to silence themselves from their whispers a second time. I gave them a teasing but curious look and almost walked right past them, not slowing my pace from between the front door to the living room doorway at all until a voice stopped me.

"Excuse me, miss. But did you just read my thoughts?" I turned to see the blonde one, who too was quite handsome for a dwarf.

He seemed to be quite disturbed that I could read minds, although I was not completely a mind reader; I wasn't even supernatural.

"Please, Miss was my caretaker in Rivendell. I am not as old as her. Call me anything else you'd like. As for reading your thoughts, it isn't possible. So you mustn't worry. What you think is for you to think, not me to know as well. That's why you keep it in your head, and that's where I'll leave it." I spewed out quickly, before giving them a reassuring smile.

I turned to re-enter the living room, hearing the humming continue. It was a soothing tune, but it held a lot of meaning within it. It seemed all too familiar. I looked around and found a small built-in window seat. I walked over, my cloak draped over my shoulder, and sat down quietly. Most of the dwarfs hadn't noticed that I had slipped past. I noticed rather soon that Gandalf was no longer in the room, probably went to go convince the small hobbit to join us. About several minutes later the two young dwarfs slipped back in the room. But what really startled me was Thorin's singing moments after. The voice was deep and thick, but somehow soothing. After about the second line everybody else in the room joined in.

_Far over the misty mountains cold,_

_To dungeons deep and caverns old,_

_We must away ere break of day,_

_To find our long-forgotten gold._

_The pines were roaring in the height,_

_The winds were moaning in the night,_

_The fire was red,_

_It's flaming spread,_

_The trees like torches blazed with light._

The song ended with an almost eerie silence, but Thorin avoided it well by speaking soon after.

"Get some rest everyone, we leave before dawn." the head dwarf, Thorin, nearly demanded. He then turned to look at me. "I will introduce you, or they will introduce themselves in the morning. My apologies, but we have a long journey ahead of us."

"No need for apologies. I understand the circumstances. I'm sure I will have the opportunity to get to know every one of them, including you." I said.

With that he nodded then went over to a rather large looking couch, and proceeded to get comfortable. I sprawled myself comfortably into the seat and draped my cloak over myself, once I was sure my cloak wouldn't land on someone I let sleep take me knowing this could be the last time I sleep in a warm home.


	4. Chapter 4

Bag End  
Kíli's POV:

After watching the scene roll out between my Uncle Thorin, Dwalin, and Axellriandra the noise level drifted into a comfortable state, only the humming of the Misty Mountains Cold song was reaching the ears. I looked over to the young woman that was now joining us. She must have about 75-76 (21-22 human) years of age. She had long deep, dark brown hair that was kept in by a confusing braid. She wore a detailed black outfit consisting of a black tunic, black leather arm wraps, black leggings, and an odd face wrap which hung from her neckline. But the catch was that you'd never in all your life would guess that she would have been a dwarf. Most dwarf women are burly and thick, this girl was slim and fit. Which wasn't normal amongst dwarfs. She wasn't much taller than Ori, the youngest of the group, but height didn't really matter among dwarfs too much. As long as you don't shrink you're fine. She had a beardless face, which was extremely uncommon but it was amazing on her. Her eyes were an ocean blue so bright that they seemed to glow, and as the fire flickered they seemed to catch streaks of gold that remained only seconds longer than the flame's shape. It was her eyes that were truly the most impressive part of her, never in my life have I seen anything like them. All in all, she was an absolute beauty. I could feel my brother, who was sitting behind me, nudge my shoulder with his booted foot. I looked over my shoulder at him just as he was sitting up, and watched silently as he jerked his head towards the hallway. I nodded my head in agreement, knowing it must be quite personal for Fíli to ask me silently to go with him. I walked out first since I was closest to the door, but he was still right on my heels. I sidestepped out of the way so he could lead me to where he wished. He sauntered his way into a quieter part of the hall about halfway from the entrance and halfway from the living room before quickly turning on his heals to face he. If I hadn't stopped so quickly I would've run straight into him. He looked at me knowingly, his face seeming like he was going to pounce on me if I tried to disagree.

"You fancy her?" He gave me a smug look, which to anybody else would have made no sense, but as his brother I could clearly read  _I'm not going to ever let go of this._

I looked at him as if he were no older than a child.

"Please Fíli we aren't children anymore, I do not fancy her." I said trying to be utterly displeased at his accusation.

"Oh please brother, I can read you better than anyone! I know exactly what you were thinking, I could see it in your eyes...not to mention that you couldn't take your eyes off her since you saw her." He crossed his arms, obviously pleased with himself.

"Yes, well uh, you mustn't blame me. Did you see her, she's ravishing! You had to be blind to miss it, and even then I think you'd still feel it if you were blind. Come on Fíli, tell me I'm wrong." I spoke excitedly.

My brother looked at me for a moment, then opened his mouth as if to say something but shut it quickly. He stepped to the side making room for someone to pass, I followed in suit and looked over my shoulder to see none other than the woman we were talking about. Her brown bangs fell into her face for a quick moment before she brushed it out of the way, she gave us both a warm smile as she continued past us slowly but not stopping. As soon as her back was to us, I could feel my face heat up. A blush so intense I could feel it creep it's way down my neck. Fíli chuckled at me.

"She didn't hear you, no need to worry." He forced out between silent chuckles.

I could feel my warm face decrease almost instantly after. Before I turned to look in the direction she just went in.

"I don't blame you Kíli, she is marvelous to look at..but learn to trust her first. And get to know her too." He looked me wearily.

Just as those words left his lips she returned to the spot we were at, a black cloak thrown over her shoulder. She gave us a odd look without changing her pace in the least, I didn't know what to make of it but my brother feared the worst.

"Excuse me, Miss. But did you just read my thoughts?" My brother asked, a disturbed look on his face.

"Please, Miss was my caretaker in Rivendell. I am not as old as her. Call me anything else you'd like. As for reading your thoughts, it isn't possible. So you mustn't worry. What you think is for you to think, not me to know as well. That's why you keep it in your head, and that's where I'll leave it." Her angelic voice spewed quickly, giving us a reassuring smile as she turned heading back to the full room.

"She seems sweet, unusual for a dwarf but...sweet." I smiled drunkily as I realized that I seemed to be in a dream state even to myself.

The voice of my brother quickly pulled me out of it though.

"Yes, it makes up for the parts of her we don't know...was that the only thing you heard?" He asked, seeming somewhat troubled.

"No, that's not the only thing I heard..uh, why?" I asked a little confused at how my brother changed moods so quickly.

"She's been to RIVENDELL, you know as in the city of ELVES...doesn't that alarm you? Because any other dwarf would have been!" He snapped.

"Calm down! Yes, I heard that. No that doesn't alarm me..that tells me she had someone who took care of her. A dwarf. That could mean they could help us if we need it." I retaliated.

A look of slight anger passed his face before it suddenly passed, looking a little more understanding. He shook his head, causing his braids to follow in suit.

"Come on lover-boy, let's head back." With that he lead me back to the crowded room.

Once in the fire-lit room I immediately made eye contact with a glowing pair, her remarkable eyes trained in me. But she quickly looked away just as a hue of pink took over her features. Not even seconds after, my Uncle started to sing the Misty Mountains Cold.  _Finally, it took long enough!_ Not too long after their song ended did all the dwarfs begin to dive for comfortable and roomy spots on the floor. We were always so bubbly and enthusiastic. However, my brother and Uncle say I'm a little more than any other. Okay, I guess a lot more. But if we are going to be honest then I'll admit I try my hardest to be mature as often as I can be. I felt a swift kick to my thick shin, the sudden contact causing me to grunt in surprise. I looked below me to see my overly pleased older brother, with -what I was sure to be- a permanent grin plastered on his face.  _He sure knows how to interrupt my thoughts._ I sighed slightly before I quickly crawled between my warm brother and the hard wall. I lied facing the ceiling for what seemed like eternity before the nagging demand of sleep finally consumed my excitement and nervousness.


	5. Leaving Hobbiton

Bag End, Hobbiton  
Axellriandra's POV:

The warm hobbit hole made it next to impossible to awaken in. My mind was still in the foggy and paralyzed mode while my instinctual mind and conscious had been awake all night, and has been for years. At one point in my half-asleep state I could sense a large, calloused hand reaching for my shoulder. Before I had pulled myself out of my heavy half-slumber it became close enough to tell it was a dwarf hand. Once the thick flesh was settled on my body did I manage to force myself to pry my eyes open. I heard a deep gruff voice mumble something incoherent to my ears. I looked up to see the same dwarf who had hostilely held me against the wall, except this time he held his calloused hand out hospitably for me to accept. I smiled at him as I accepted the outstretched hand, which proceeded to pull me to my feet roughly. My mind cleared to the pure alert almost simultaneously with my feet, which collided soundlessly on the wooden floor. I took in my surroundings quickly, noticing every small detail that had change since last night. The fire was burnt to nothing more than a sooty pile of ash, half of the dwarfs in the room had moved or rolled in their sleep, the floorboards were squeaking under Gandalf's weight in another room, and somehow the two young brothers managed to get closer to each other during the night. I chuckled silently at the fact they acted upon child instincts when nobody was looking. Within the seconds I noticed all these things, I managed to shake my head clear and focus on the new task at hand. I bent down and gently shook the dwarf nearest to me, a older dwarf who had short white and grey hair and beard. He grunted as he woke and shook off the remaining sleep his body clung to. As he looked at me and gave me a sleep filled smile, sticking out his hand while doing so.

"Dori." He said simply as I took his hand.

He shook my hand once and scrambled to his feet to - most likely - figure out where breakfast was awaiting. I silently giggled and went about my task. The next sleeping dwarf I came across was probably the youngest in the group. He had a very small beard and a youthful look to him still. I shook him gently and he woke almost instantly. He introduced himself as Ori then proceeded to ask for breakfast, I told him where to find it and continued with what I had been doing before. He sat in the spot I had awoken him as I moved to the dwarf beside him. I shook this dwarf awake slightly harder due to the loud snores his body still released. He groaned loudly and shook his shoulders to try and shake me off, I huffed slightly at his action. I smiled cheekily at the young dwarf as I thought of the easiest way to awaken a stubborn dwarf. Ori caught me by surprise however and spoke apologetically.

"I'm sorry about my brother, he's always been a stubborn one." His squeaky voice pronounced clearly.

"It's not a problem at all Ori, most dwarfs are like this. I think I can handle it." I said, being sure I didn't come across as rude.

I shook the stubborn dwarf again, he groaned at me in annoyance. I chuckled as I bent lower, making sure that I would be close enough for him to hear me.

"I've got a little tip..." He groaned, trying to get me to shut-up. "The faster you get up the sooner you get to eat."

Almost instantly the reddish brown haired dwarf leapt up out of his sleep. Shaking of whatever drowsiness still hung on to him. He gave me a pointed look, then mumbled incoherently. I guessed he wanted to know where the food was and I pointed to the kitchen. He nodded in understanding and thanks, shuffling off lazily. I heard Ori sigh beside me.

"His name's Nori, and I apologize for his manners." He sounded annoyed with his brother.

"Thank you Ori. But you won't need to worry about manners too much with me, I'm not one to get offended easily." I explained lightly.

He nodded then proceeded to follow his brother to where breakfast might be. I looked around the small hobbit's living room to find that everyone had been awoken. Although a few still treasured the remaining sleep they had. One actually started snoring again, earning a swift boot from the bald dwarf. I shrugged helplessly while shaking my head slightly appalled at his actions. I stood from my comfortable crouched position on my toes and silently slipped into the kitchen. Before I reached the doorway the smell of a well cooked meal wafted into my nose, causing me to pad into the kitchen faster. The cook and the three brothers hadn't noticed me enter the small room, I inhaled the scents silently.

"The food smells lovely." I complemented as I huffed happily at everything I was smelling.

I watched all three brothers turn in the direction of my voice surprised at my sly ability. However, it was the cook who had been startled the most. Judging by the way he leapt almost a foot in the air. He turned to look at me, the frying pan still in hand. He smiled at me warmly after checking to make sure he shook off his startled look.

"Oh, why thank you. I try my best to impress..that and it's also the last time we will be in an actual kitchen. So I thought I'd make it enjoyable." He explained simply. I nodded in understanding, a smile still framed on my face. He placed down the cooking utensil down that he had been using and suddenly stuck his hand out towards me. I shook it warmly, welcoming smiles on both of our faces. "The name's Bofur. Your name is Axellriandre, right?"

"Axellriandra" I corrected with a gentle chuckle. "But you may all call me Axell."

"Axell." He repeated, a small touch of concentration tinting his face before smiling widely. "I like it."

With that he turned back to the food he was supposed to be cooking. I moved out of the way and sat across the boys I had awoken earlier. Ori smiled at me adorably while the other two didn't even look up from their plates. My posture was strong and regal, years of practice had now had me doing it subconsciously. I didn't try to force a conversation, knowing that I'd have plenty of time to get to know them later. Suddenly a plate was placed in front of me, almost shocking me out of my thoughts. I was a little taken back by the hospitality and looked up to see the gently smiling eyes of Bofur.

"Bofur, you can feed the others first. I'm sure some of them are probably hungrier." I argued gently.

"Nonesense, you're the lady. Plus, when I'm cooking it's first come first serve." He smiled cheekily while winking at me as he turned to the remaining food needing to be cooked.

I smiled at his turned back and began to scoop up the meal placed before me. It was polished off within a few minutes. I looked around to see three plates infront of me which had been left for cleaning, and three missing brothers. I rolled my eyes at the scene before me, while scooping up the abandon plates along with my own. I trudged over to the sink with a natural silence and washed them well and quick. Once I had finished with the four large hobbit plates I decided I'd slip back into the living room. Although, once I had entered the room I soon realized that it was a bad idea. The little amount of noise and bustle that had been silenced a little too suddenly. I could feel every pair of eyes on me before I could even see them. I made contact with most of the nervous and untrusting orbs, making goosebumps swallow my black clad arms and back. I honestly didn't know what to do, my eyes scannning over every detail that could possibly be in the room. A sudden flash of red caught my eyes, calming my nerves immediately as they gave me an idea. I walked over to the round fruits, picking up two of them. I turned and without any warning, nearly ran straight into Thorin. I swallowed inaudibly and remained trained on the spot I stood. He bore his piercing blue eyes into my warm, bright ones. It took me a couple seconds to regain my composure, and I seemed to physically stand taller. Although it didn't matter, he still stood taller than me. I cleared my throat grumpily at him and he looked at me innocently. I rolled my eyes at his actions.

"I'm sorry Thorin, but you're in my way." I said, as if he didn't notice.

"Oh? Am I? I didnt notice." Was his reply.  _That BRUTE!_

I thought for a short moment before I decided how to escape this.

"Oh! Crud!" I feigned terror.

My acting caused Thorin to stumble back a small amount allowing a little space for me to escape. I quickly used the available gap to rush 'panickly' towards the doorway to the hall. I heard the youngest dwarf I spoke with last night call after me.

"What? What's wrong?" He asked with almost the same shock expression Thorin wore.

I turned to them with my 'terror'-filled look still on my face, but upon seeing the young brown haired dwarf I dropped it immediately. An innocent look taking over my features instead.

"Nothing's wrong, everthing's perfectly fine." I said calmly, winking at Thorin. I then let my facade fall as I grinned at them all cheekily. "Beat you all outside."

With that I slipped into the hall and walked towards the front entrance, just as I reached the end of my earshot I managed to hear Thorin grumpily add his thoughts.

"Great, just what I need! Another Kíli!" He groaned.

"Hey!" The young one replied.


	6. So It Begins

Outside the Shire  
Axell's POV:

I was glad that I left when I did. By the time I had reached the remaining streets of Hobbiton I had every woken Hobbit staring at me oddly. I had never done well with many eyes on me, and I probably never will. I almost screamed in relief when I had exited the small town. If I had been with the other dwarfs then I really would have been given weird looks.

I sighed happily at the thin forest surrounding me. I had always been one for nature and beauty, so I gave it the respect it deserved. I travelled farther and farther away from the town, half searching for my steed, half messing around with the slim trees.

An unanticipated twist in my gut told me to find my partner already, because the dwarfs were saddling already. I let out two sharp and quick whistles, standing rock still and closing my eyes so I could listen intently. In the distance I could hear the galloping large hooves coming in my direction fast. I felt my lips trying to pull into a smile subconsciously. The noise grew louder quickly under it sounded off in my ears like it was over me. Then they suddenly stopped, and the only thing I could feel was my dark brown hair flying off my face as waves of wind pounded into my body. I opened my eyes with a smile, my friend before me. The gentle black beast lowered his head to meet mine, allowing me to pull his head into a hug. He pressed his forehead into my stomach warning me that we needed to go and I willingly let go of the handfull of mane I had. I reached into my black satchel and pulled out the bridle, slipping it on easily even with him being much taller than me. I silently told him to kneel, and he obeyed beautifully. I slid onto his bare back, a feeling I've memorized many times before. I gathered the reins in my dominant hand and murmed to him to lope in the direction of the company. Which he did perfectly. With myself perched on my knees settling on his thick black shoulders, . My legs hug his sides easily, for a beginner it would have been an impossible task but this came naturally for the both of us. I let my non-dominant hand slide down the top of his neck, two fingers running throught the end of his mane while the other two slid easily over his silky neck.

After a few minutes I could hear numerous sets of hooves hitting the ground repeatedly, not shortly after did they come into view. The group consisted of many small and sturdy ponies, and one horse, all of which were in a row. Perfect sizes for dwarfs, which should also be my source of transport. But I've never been one to really go with what works best.

When the members finally heard our rushing bodies, we agreed to slow. The ponies were already walking at a rapid pace, seeing as how they were trying to keep up with Gandalf's mount's steady pace. It was when Caspian settled beside the others, did I catch every stunned expressions. However, this time I didn't blame them. After all I was riding a horse that may have seemed half a pony taller to them. I smiled innocently, following in step with the end of the pack. A shocked voice broke through the silent crowd first.

"Is that a horse? You're barebacking a horse?!" The young, lion-like one sputtered.

"Yes, but he's nothing but a big sweetheart. I know that I'm safe riding him" I replied, trying to play it off like it's no big deal.

"Yeah, but it's a horse! Dwarfs can't ride horses! Forget about barebacking one!" He exclaimed excitedly.

"Sure ya could! Horses aren't that much bigger than ponies, just a little less sturdy. They need a gentler touch. That sort of thing is taught. As for barebacking, you need good balance, and good patience, and a heck of a lot of perserverance!" I explain simply.

"Sounds like I'd do terribly, patience isn't my thing at all." He chuckled. "My brother would probably do well though."

As soon as the words the words escaped his mouth a brown fuzzy pony came trotting alongside the two-toned grey ombre pony that the blonde sat upon.

"You called brother of mine." The cheeky young brunette entered with.

"Oh nothing brother." The older said, a mischevious cloud over his eyes rumbled. "I'm just saying that you're a stubborn-headed mule of a dwarf."

"Really?! Well you shouldn't be one to point out anothers flaws! You aren't the humblest of dwarfs ya know!" The younger retaliated.

"Excuse me--" The blonde started but I decided I'd be smart and keep this from getting out of hand.

I pulled my black horse infront of their small ponies. Effectively cutting off the two's argument.

"Gentlemen, please." I said, being sure I had their attention. "I don't think it would be best to antagonize Master Thorin."

The two looked at me with blank faces before chuckling under their breaths. They both glanced at each other before chuckling harder. I must have had a confused expression on my face, for I could feel my eyebrows knitting together.

"Fíli and I have always been ones to argue, fight, or whatever else comes to mind." The younger explained. "I think our Uncle's used to it."

I felt the gears in my head click together faster than they normally would.

"Ah, I see." I said simply, brushing my brown hair out of my face. "So, which Prince does he complain about most?"

They hadn't even stopped to think about the assumption I just made.

"Kíli. Easily" Said Fíli

"Prince Fíli and Prince Kíli." I said more to myself than the other two. I dug my heels gently into my horse's side, causing him to spin his backside around so we were facing them. I spoke a little louder, so this time they could hear me. "Axellriandra." I bowed. "At your service."

With that said I sat up correctly on my horse, turned him so I could see where the rest of the group was and nearly fell of my horse as I watched the last member round a bend. I felt my horse do a spin as I balanced on him perfectly. I looked behind me to see the youngsters - _I shouldn't be calling them that, they're older than me -_ still staring at the spot I had been on, almost like they had been hypnotized. I would have to say something to get them to realize we needed to go.

"Hey, boys!" I almost screamed, watching them leap out of their skin. "We need to move."

They nodded quickly and pressed their ponies into a faster pace then rushed past my horse and I, rounding the bend as well.

"All right, Caspian. Let's catch up too." With that we jogged off.

It didn't take very long to catch up. But I didn't process that they were arguing, I was too busy thinking about what I had just heard. I was only lost in thought for a minute before a loud voice broke through with a familiar sentence.

"He won't come!" Said a largely bearded, dark red haired dwarf.

"Of course he will!" said Bofur, trying to remain optimistic.

"How can you be so sure?!" The other argued.

"Just try to be positive!" Bofur tried.

"But Gloin is right!" A bald dwarf with an epic scar sporting a pair of knuckle dusters agreed.

"Dwalin! Not you too!" Bofur looked defeated, then suddenly he seemed to click something in the back of his mind. 'I bet he won't"

"I make a fifty shilling wager that he won't!" Gloin said grumpily.

"I will see that fifty, he will!" Bofur put stubbornly, while shaking his bag of shillings.

"No!" Said Dwalin, repeating the action Bofur had done.

"Yes!" Said the Santa-like dwarf, otherwise known as Balin - if I remember correctly from the contract.

"No!" Dori spat.

"Yes!" Said Fíli and Kíli in unison.

The whind whispered the screaming words at me. If it had been any other person they would have mistaken it for only the breeze, but I knew better. I pulled Captain to a halt beneath me, turning him in the direction of the ghostly whisper. I strained my ears to hear it again, but all I got was nothingness. I sat only for a few seconds longer before turning in the saddle to see a member waiting patiently for me. I was a little stunned to see Kíli, I honestly thought I would have been left behind in the dust. I smiled at him kindly, as we marched on. This journey is off to a weird start indeed.

 


	7. On the Road

 

On the Road  
Axell's POV:

After a rough half an hour of random conversation and slow paced ponies a voice cut through the fading forest.

"WAIT!!" The hobbit voice was familiar to the ears, causing most of the company to stop slowly while others took a moment longer to her it.

As the group reigned in their ponies to a slow halt most turned with surprised looks on their faces, as they watched the small creature before them. The stout legs ran up to the pale pony of Balin, nervously handing him the contract. Balin mumbled to himself as he looked at the newly signed parchment, the young hobbit eyeing his pony suspiciously while he wasn't looking. I watched on as both Fíli and Kíli snuck up cheekily behind Balin in the line, waiting for an order they knew was to come. I looked on curiously as Thorin made eye contact with both if his nephews, a look of mischievousness passing between the three. Suddenly Balin spoke to the tiny creature beneath him, causing my attention to switch.

"Welcome, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield. Master Baggins." The elder smiled.

The joyous look that crossed the young hobbit's face melted my heart, causing a smile to crack across my own. The dwarfs released happy noises from their chests and throats at the welcoming of their burglar. A deep voice everyone out of their state.

"Give him a pony." With that, Thorin kicked his stout bay into a rushed walk.

As soon as he started the rest joined, ignoring the hobbits protests. I then discovered what the boys had been planning on doing, because not even twenty seconds later they were lifting the small hobbit up by his shoulders and basically throwing him onto the smallest pony. They mumbled loudly to the creature - something about Mrtyle - then jogged back to the rear of the group. I chuckled silently at their actions, so I didn't encourage further actions. I shook my head and gave them both a smile, not knowing how I was supposed to respond. A thick voice broke through to me, telling me that I needed to control my expression more.

"You like that?!" Fíli said excitedly, obviously thrilled to have someone reacting.

A grin split across my face as I kept myself from laughing at the two juvenile youngsters beside me.

"She totally does!" Said the pleased, striking voice of Kíli.

"Do you boys do that sort of thing, all the time?" My smile still stuck on my face.

"More or less." The blonde responded.

"More than less." The raven-brunette corrected, causing the two to chuckle at the other.

My smile widened at the fun I could imagine having during this journey.

"Then you guys are definitely my kind of people." I chuckled.

"We've always been like this. Ever since we were children. The other kids would despise us for the pranks we would pull. Like the original spider in the bed." Fíli explained.

"Or the bird in the closet, or we'd let all the ponies in the stables loose." Kíli continued.

"Good times." Fíli admired.

"Aye, they were." Kíli agreed, whilst the two chuckled together. "What did you do as a dwarrow child?"

Just like that, my blood froze. Causing my smile to falter.

"I didn't have a very fasinating childhood. I only ever did one of two things. Nothing exciting." I tried to blow it off.

"Well, what were those two things?" Fíli inquired.

"Uh, training and learning about poisons and medicines." I forced out.

"Really?" Fíli asked, disbelief dripping from his voice.

"Yup." I responded, popping the final letter.

"That's strange. I've never met someone who never had a childhood." Kíli admitted. "How old were you?"

"I was twelve." I slipped.

"But dwarrows don't start training until the age of twenty-five because it isn't until the age of thirty when we are first considered adults, that's when we are allowed to have jobs or go to war." Fíli thought aloud.

"Mmm-hmm, and I began working at the age of twenty." I admitted.

"WHAT?!" They both exclaimed.

"That's absurd!" Kíli growled.

"So young!" Fíli spat. "Why?"

"I was alone. My mother had died, and my father was killed in battle before I was born. I also had no other family. Therefore, working was the only way I could keep myself alive."

The boys quieted after my final comment, thinking hard about everything we had discussed. It continued that way for an hour, before the two started talking amongst themselves; arguing about what pranks they could pull. The other dwarfs mumbled and laughed within the rest of the group, but it was the ghost-like actions in the wind that caught my attention. I examined the actions of those around me, learning the difference in each of them.

I succeeded and traveled in silence for a long while, a good hour of dwarvish murmers and trudging hooves being the only sound to fill the ears. A sudden movement caught my attention as the noticable sneeze-like noise was emitted, the small body scurrying about his pockets. I knew what was happening and could feel myself fall on to instincts, my knees fixating my body upon Captain's broad shoulders. Once I was settled, Caspian made a quick dash for the hobbit and smallest pony. We sped past over half of the company, earning the oddest looks in the process. I easily heard his exsasperated voice murmering under his breath, which was quiet enough the Gandalf couldn't even hear him. His panic rose in volume just as I got closer, I quickly interrupted.

"Axellriandra." My voice came out soft and clear, my fingers quickly flicking out a handkerchief before him. I bowed my head as my next sentence was said, his shocked expressiom making a warm smile crawl its way on to my face. "At your service."

"How did you know I was going to need this?" He asked shocked, a surprised, open-mouthed grin plastered to his face while he took the material gratefully.

"I have a few tricks up my sleeve." I admitted, winking at him. "If there's anything else you need, just let me know."

With that I gathered my steed, trotting elegantly to the back of the pack. By the time I reached the rear, the two brothers were grinning at me oddly. _Seems like I'm in for something new._

 


	8. Games

  
Bywater Road  
Axell's POV:

"So, Axellriandra...you said you didn't really do much as a child, correct?" Fíli started one day, an artful look passing between him and his brother.

I nodded at his statement, feeling my head cock to the side in obvious curiosity. The random outbursts of the two before me had gotten a little less abnormal within the week I had known them.

"So...you still have a playfulness to you. Do you want to use that playfulness to an advantage?" Kíli spared another glance to his brother when my eyebrows scrunched together in confusion.

"Maybe...why?" I made sure to speak cautiously, as I was slightly nervous as to why the boys were acting like they've seen gold.

"Perfect." Fíli grinned through his chuckled, which spread wider, when Kíli let out a troublesome snicker.

"For what?" I eyed them both intensily, trying to not seem like I was suspiscious of them.

"Helping us pull off...things of the mischievous sort." Kíli quietly chuckles, and I looked at him knowingly.

"Pranks." I said simply and silently as a grin crawled onto my face. "You guys know what the definition of fun is!"

"Yes we do." Kíli said pridefully.

A few short seconds of tense silence and excited grins passed by before one of the two spoke up again.

"You said a few days before that we may call you anything we'd like, does that give us an open invitation to give you a nickname so we aren't always stumbling over Axellriandra?" Fíli asked thoughtfully.

"Well, most call me Axell to be honest. But if you want to give me a nickname of your own, then go ahead." I was curious as to what they'd come up with.

They both seemed to be thinking deeply about it, taking centuries to speak again.

"Axe." Fíli finally said.

"Riandra." Kíli spoke next.

"Andra."

"Andria."

"Ellria"

"Ella."

"Xell."

"Rian."

I soon realized that they were spewing off parts of my name, trying to find one they liked. Kíli soon spoke up.

"I like Ellria." He spoke simply, his face softening as he made his decision

"I like it too Kí." Fíli said thoughtfully. "But it might be too much to say in an emergency."

"Very true Fí." Kíli agreed. "What do you think?"

"Ria." He stated proudly.

"Ria." Kíli repeated, looking at me thoughtfully and not even a half a minute later he was breaking into a grin. "I think it suits her, good one Fí."

With that the boys settled back into their usual conversations, about home being heirs, tales of dragons, adventures, and anything else they could imagine. They were so innocent to the world, and it was so beautiful that I hope it would never leave them. In the past few days I've learned to admire their innocence, allowing then to be blind to anything around them. I've been oblivious to anything else they spoke of because I normally listened to the song of the breeze and silently watched for danger. Very few spoke to me, Fíli, Kíli, Bofur, and Bilbo being the only ones with the past week. While most of the others had a neutral position, not trusting me but still respecting me. The ones who didn't sit in the same boat as the others were completely brash and didn't care about feelings in the least. Although, I'm positive I don't have any anymore. The company soon formed a new order in the long line of ponies, allowing half of the ponies a rest from keeping others in line. I still remained in the rear however, knowing full well that I'd have a better chance of catching a runaway pony if I didn't have plow out of a crowd. My silent position seated on my stallion remained until a shrill whistle came from Kíli, summoning my horse halfway up the long line of the company. I had taught him and Fíli how to do that in case of emergencies but they seem to be abusing that privilege now. The exact moment Captain fell into step with Kíli's bay pony, I could practically feel the whine radiating off of him.

"I'm bored." Kíli held the R in his sentence way longer than he was supposed to as he complained to me. "Do you want to play a game?"

"I..uh, sure." I gave up before I even started to argue, knowing that he wouldn't let go of an idea once he made up his mind.

"Okay!" His face lit up more than I've seen all day, and I had to suppress a chuckle at it. "I can be as big as a mountain or as small as a horse. I fly with the birds but people call in terror when they see me. What am I?"

"Easy, dragon." I answered simply. "...Uh..I'm rarely seen, and the main reason you know me is because of the stories you might have heard. If you were to fight me you'd lose me in the dark. Flame is the only way I can be given away. What am I?"

It was silent for a longer while than I could have imagined, Fíli's voice finally breaking through the long silence.

"Uh...Bolrog?" He mumbled, obviously unsure. He cracked a small smile when I hummed, telling him he was correct.

"Haha! My turn!" He teased his younger. "One head, eight limbs, size is great, brains are slim, strength is plenty, strategy is flimsy, the treetops are my advantage. What am I?"

Kíli was quick to answer and voiced his opinions loudly before I even got to open my gob.

"Great Spider!" He belted, continuing on his own before he could even think. "What is large, stupid, and smelly, and has a very hungry belly?"

"Bombur!" Bofur quipped teasingly from a few ponies behind, causing us three to break out into a fit of chuckles.

"Nope." Kíli struggled between chuckles as he turned to watch Bombur clocking Bofur in the back of the head with the soup spoon.

"Trolls." The deep and gruff voice - which held the smallest hint of amusement - of our group leader called out simply. "I have one for our lady misfit--"

The nephews scoffed, grumbled, and growled on either side of me at the onetime nickname. I, however, kept my emotions at bay, as usual. Their uncle continued, not knowing or not caring about the noises behind him.

"What takes two forms? What is deadly in one? And harmless in the other? Blood-thirsty, and a gentle-giant? Who was a dreadful, old, and evil abomination? Who's master was the evilest of all evil?" Thorin inquired, taking - what seemed like - no time at all to think of his tricky questions.

It must have been ten minutes before anybody spoke again, and even then it was my answer that broke the silence.

"Draugluin?" I answered uneasily, not sure if my answer was correct. The chuckle I got from the one questioning me did not helping my thoughts in the least.

"Very impressive, young Rodesia. Very impressive." He spoke with pride and shock, which only confused me more.

"Draugluin? Who's Draugluin?" The small hobbit tilted his head curiously behind us, his eyes filled with obvious wonder.

"Draugluin is the first werewolf to ever exist, Bilbo. He was a very destructive being, destroying everything in his path. His master was Sauron, the deceiver." I explained simply to him, and apparently a few others.

"How'd he die?" Fíli wondered aloud.

"He was slain in battle, during the quest for Silmaril." Thorin stated simply, with that the group grew quiet for a few long minutes until Thorin spoke again. "Axell, it's your turn."

It took me mere seconds to facially and emotionally respond to his comment, but it took me a minute to think of a question.

"I have streets, yet no pavement. I have cities, yet no buildings. I have forests, yet no trees. I have rivers, yet no water. What am I?" I stated, hearing the small hobbit speak up behind me quickly.

"That's a riddle!" He exclaimed excitedly, forcing his small pony into step beside the eldest dwarf at my side. "Asking riddles near me is asking for a competition."

"Then bring it on." I grinned.

With that said, the brothers vanished from my sides and Bilbo and I were left to our game. Bilbo quietly repeated my riddle to himself before looking at me with a pleased face.

"It's a map, maps have streets with no pavement, cities with no buildings, forests with no trees, and rivers with no water." He smirked cheekily, quickly giving me a riddle of his own. "What comes down, but never goes up?"

I thought fast, repeating his riddle in my mind as I thought. _Pinecones, leaves, snow, rain...rain._ Rain.

"It's rain." I smiled. "What goes up, but never down?"

He didn't even seem to think about that one.

"Age." He said simply. "If you drop me then I'm sure to crack, but if you smile at me then I'm sure to smile back."

"Mirror, easy......The more you take, the more you leave behind."

"Footsteps......You fill it, and it empties. A metaphor for plenty. Depending on what half you see, it's either full or empty."

"Cup--"

Our game went on for what felt like a mere hour before I finally have him one he got stumped on, but it was difficult to see his expression in the growing darkness. I didn't pay any attention to it however.

"What is dead but grows, had no lungs but breathes, and has no mouth but drowns." I inquired.

Bilbo thought aloud for the longest time, so long that even the other dwarfs were giving suggestions. But as always, he finally got it.

"Fire! It's fire!" He exclaims before trying to regain his composure. "It wasn't that hard...no legs sat on one leg, two sat on three legs, four legs got some."

I searched every corner of my mind to figure out the answer for his riddle, but no matter how hard I struggled I could not find an answer. Out of pure dwarf stubbornness, I dragged out the process longer than it needed to be. Eventually I gave in, the company cheering for the small creature at my side for outwitting me. It was in those moments that I realized I had subconsciously assisted in setting up camp and unload the ponies, all while having a bit of fun. Within a minute of think, a large majority of the company were sleeping deeply and preparing for the day ahead. Tiredness began to beckon me as I watched the sleeping dwarfs surrounding me, and I too was joining them.

\-------  
 **Sorry guys, I've been EXTREMELY busy as of lately and I hope that I can write more often from this point on.**

 


	9. Learning a Detriment

Bywater Road  
Axell's POV:

Hours after our competition, the sun has begun to set and the sky was painted a luminous mixture of pinks, oranges, and reds. The fire crackled in the background of the beautiful scene before me, and I allowed myself to be swept away with the gentle sway of the breeze. The group of males stuffed their cheeks greedily as I sat on the nearby stone ground, the idea of food passing over my head. It wasn't until the loud dwarfs called on me that I was forced to eat.

"Axell, have you eaten?" The loud voice of Bofur shook me out of my state. I shook my head in response.

"Well if you don't get over here then Bombur's going to eat it all."  
I stood and moved the small distance to the fire, chuckling and making a comment -which wouldn't offend Bombur in any way, but was still teasing- while dishing up my own dinner.

I ate in silence for only a short time before my bowl was cleaned out, my stomach feeling satisfied and full. I vaguely acknowledged the usual schedule, hardly hearing the subconsciously said sentence. The exhaustion from the day's travel and play caught up to me quickly, and I felt my eyelids drift close reluctantly. Soon the world around me silenced to a dull hum, and I allowed my subconscious, instinctual mind to fall into the setting it has been stuck in so many times before.

Kili's POV:

I felt Axell begin to gradually lean against me the longer she sat, and then she was completely asleep on my shoulder. Her hair fell over the right side of her face while her left cheek was buried into my right shoulder and neck. Afraid to wake her, I limited myself to only moving my hands. This allowed me to whittling freely, my hands moving at their own accord. Countless times I caught myself staring at her gentle face, her flawless skin captivating my attention. However, her sleep was interrupted from a startling noise, one that would shape the rest of the journey without us even knowing.

Axell's POV:

A distant screeching pierced through my ears, causing me to straighten out of my sleep. My eyes locked in the direction of the noise, and I readied myself for a fight. I hadn't even heard Bilbo question the ones awake, what that had been was well known to me. I could hear the conversation about the Orc's murmur within the small group, but I was dormant to exactly what they were saying. I didn't feel the absolute need to move until Thorin began to stomp off alone. I then slung my quiver over my shoulders and held my short-bow in a death grip and sat patiently listening to the tale of the Battle of Moria, until I couldn't ignore my instinctual pull. I silently stood and stalked over next to our leader, standing at the ready to kill anything needed. I hadn't even needed to look at him to suggest for him to move, he listened almost instantly. I felt him glance at me, only pausing for a brief second then his eyes left. He continued to act like nothing was wrong, to keep the company from panicking. The feeling that sat in my stomach stayed put late into the night, my body never faltering from the powerful stance or drawn back bow. Eventually the feeling vanished, leaving me standing in my position for only a moment longer. I allowed myself to shoot the arrow into a tree across the gully, causing a fearful hiss to retreat in the distance. None of the others acknowledged it and I assumed that it must have been my advanced hearing. I slowly turned to see everybody lively, their unsaid nerves keeping them awake for the time being. However, it was Kíli's and Fíli's warm smiles that invited me over. They mumbled something to each other before I could adapt my hearing to catch it, I may have learned to like the two. But do not be fooled by my acting. I've learned to trust no one, the hard way. I quipped myself with a shy smile before slowly and unsurely striding towards the two, watching them carefully as they chatted while inviting me over. Fíli mentioned that he was the one on watch for the second half of the night, rolling over and crumbling into a deep sleep but not before flashing his brother a cheeky grin. It seemed like mere seconds before his light snores were heard. Bloody dwarfs and their sleep abilities. That was sadly not one of the traits I had gained. Kíli's voice soon knocked me out of my thoughts.

"It's a deflex isn't it?" He motioned towards the bow still held in my unmoving grip.

"Yes it is." I loosened my grip on it when the corner of his mouth curled upwards slightly.

"May I?" He gestured towards my weapon, and I passed it off trying to keep my hesitant side from showing. I failed. "I'm not going to break it Axell, you mustn't worry. I know how it feels for you to be unarmed, you can go ahead and see mine. If it makes you feel better."

I took the bow he held towards me gently, but once I felt the strength in the short-bow I allowed my subconscious to hold it correctly. I thought aloud as I inspected it.

"Reflex bow. Designed for power and speed. Which causes plenty of noise to follow the arrow. Reduces hand shock. Made up of multiple layers. Metal nocks. Made of oak, good quality wood. That's what's keeping it from breaking." I ranted.

"Breaking?" I leapt slightly when the group leader questioned my analysis.

"Yes, if a reflex bow is made out of a poor quality wood the chance of it breaking is quite high." His eyebrows furrowed as he joined Kíli and I in our little alcove.

"Why would that be?" He seemed genuinely curious.

"It's because of how much stress that is put on the bow. If you release an arrow with that much power in the drawstring you risk snapping the bow." I tried explaining, he seemed to understand.

"What about your bow? What's the difference between yours and his?" His gruff voice wondered silently.

I was about to explain but was cut off abruptly by Kíli's own analysis.

"Short deflex bow. Made for silence. Reduces hand shock. Made up of one solid layer, as if it needed to be crafted immediately. Continuously taken care of. Low stress on the bow, which makes for less speed and power. But once again, you want silence. Front metal plating. Solid metal nocks, and they have sharp metal hooks on them." He examined the nocks curiously. "I've actually never seen that before. It's as if this bow was made for long distance and short distance fighting."

"That's correct." I muttered to him as curiosity ran over his features.

"Why is that?" Thorin inquired.

I gestured for Kíli to hand me back my bow as I passed back his own. I motioned for Thorin to follow me to a clearer section of camp. I told him to grab his sword and bow on the way. Once he had done what I told he came and stood a short distance before me.

"Now advance towards me." I ordered politely.

He listened and advanced cautiously. I however was only demonstrating, so no matter how fast he was going I wasn't going to hurt him. I allowed him to get a little closer before I hooked the metal wrap on Thorin's shield and gently yanked it from his grip using the metal hooks, then I proceeded to knock the sword from his grip with the metal front as I swung my bow at him. He stood on the spot in shock as he just realized that I unarmed him in a split second. I heard the slight murmurs of the small audience. Thorin glanced down at his sword and shield before his eyes made contact with mine, he let a small smirk appear on his face.

"It seems like you know what you're doing. But I want to watch you, see how good you really are. To see if you need more than the training you may have." He spoke surely, nodding at Dwalin.

Dwalin understood the gesture and appeared before me, his tall and muscular body dwarfing mine. In under five seconds him and I were in a 'life or death' battle. Him armed with twin battle axes, the long haft allowing him a larger swing and a longer reach. It was difficult to fight him. I was constantly dodging the blunt head of his axe, obviously capable of blowing through armor. Eventually Dwalin started to slow down, his energy dwindling quickly. But once I began to dominate him in the small battle another came in to assist him, Glóin to be precise. His battle axe was much easier to parry due to the average lengthens haft, I could easily maneuver around his blows while Dwalin still took a few random swings. I knew Thorin was expecting me to use the bow I still held, but it was difficult to do against the sharp blades. I stepped in a ginormous pile of pine needles and used it to distract Glóin by unexpectedly kicking a large amount of it up and into his alarmed face, and I didn't stand still long enough to catch his priceless look as he stumbled backwards and tripping himself with his own feet. I just focused on hooking one of Dwalin's knuckle dusters and yanking on it so suddenly that his grip on an axe loosened, causing it to fly far out of his reach. He was almost completely unarmed, and I would have had him to if it weren't for a third dwarf helping Glóin to his feet and rushing forward alongside his younger brother. It was much easier to use the metal plating of my bow against the simple fighting stick, deflecting his blows towards the two other rushing dwarfs. Once I began to use their weapons against each other I knew I had weakened them. A grin had somehow managed to form on my face at this knowledge, growing larger every time a dwarf tripped over another. However, my grin soon faded when another dwarf jumped into the mix, a mixture of limbs soon becoming the only thing in my vision. My brows furrowed in concentration as I knocked weapons desperately from hands, turning to finish off my attackers. I hadn't turned quick enough. The last dwarf I attempted to beat had been the one to disarm me, catching a nock on my bow with one of his gleaming twin swords. He held my bow out of my reach with one, while the other pointed towards my chest. It was then that I truly noticed which of the dwarfs had joined in on the action. Fíli was the one who had disarmed me, Óin was the one who had jumped in after helping up Glóin, and Glóin jumped in for who knows what reason, then Dwalin who is the original challenger. I noticed that the three whom I had fought - before Fíli rudely interrupted - were panting as if they were dogs in the heat. I felt myself internally smirk at the thought of making them work that hard. I turned to look at the bewildered company whom murmured amongst themselves. It was only then that I noticed my own trembling, but oddly enough I wasn't heaving for air. Honestly, I think that Fíli has been gasping more desperately that I am. Which means only one thing. I was refraining myself from ending life. I caught the silent hum of approval from the group leader, before he covered it with a cough.

"You did well. But you could still use some training." His expression was cold and blank, but I could see the impressed glint in his eyes.

I just nodded in response, somehow managing to keep a smirk off my face. With that everybody settled down again, most of the group staying awake from the screeching that happened only a few hours ago. I shut my eyes and leaned against the rocky terrain behind me, but don't let yourself be fooled. I did not sleep at all that night.

 


	10. The Pony Incident

Bywater Road  
Axell's POV:

It had been two weeks since the night everyone had been awoken by the Orcs. Everybody has been doing small amounts of intense training - I feel sorry for poor Bilbo, they normally don't stop until he's almost collapsed - which leaves everyone with peaceful nights full of nothing less than a deep slumber. For everybody but me anyway. I'm used to the intensity, used to the life-or-death situations that could happen. I've lived on the road for the past twenty-something years, which may not be a lot for dwarfs but if you think about it, it is a lot more than any person should. Anything random is basically my normal. Well, almost anything.

Today wasn't anything abnormal, we were all traveling in a semi-peaceful manner, having about two or three hours left of riding before we call it quits. The ponies had spaced out quite well, producing three or four little sections of a line. I had been trailing the end again, it almost seemed to be my responsibility. Trail the end, keep watch for tails, assist Kíli with the hunting whenever they send him out. Small things were the only thing they trusted me with. Well, I guess they trust me with Kíli which is a big deal but it also might be because they want to two that seemed the most alike out of their hair. They even sent Fíli with us every so often. But I wasn't complaining, they were the closest ones to me in this small group of misfits.

At about mid-afternoon did things start getting exuberant. The boys started to play-fight while horseback, nothing out of the ordinary. The trees swayed in the calm summer breeze, the small rays of sunlight peaking between the leaves and warmed my face. The river rushed elegantly on our left, joyfully rumbling as we continued on harmlessly. All was well, serene even, but it ended all too quickly.

"HA!"

The noise came from at least a hundred feet before me, startling the skin off my flesh - nearly an impossible task to manage - and I watched in shock as the pony of the youngest Durin line leapt off the ground entirely, taking off fearfully into the raging water beside it. I kept my emotions at bay as I rushed to aid, watching Fíli follow after his brother in a panic as my steed swallowed up the ground beneath us. I began closing in, the colour leaving my face as I noticed the older begin to struggle, the water engulfing him and the younger he carried. I attempted to rush to my friends sides, however the squealing creature spread a horror over the others, causing the rest to become restless while gathering together and circle in a panicked state. This created a barrier, and Captain had a difficult time getting past. By the time I had reached the edge of the disturbed river Kíli had become unconscious, and Fíli was failing to reach the shoreline. I leapt off the shoulders of the giant creature, ready to dive in to the life threatening liquid. I listened to the angered shrieks of my stallion rounding up the overwhelmed bunch behind me. My throat dried out as I noticed Fili's energy was fading fast. I threw off my boots and weapons in rapid speed but before I could even think about jumping in Thorin had already beat me to it. It took him a short moment to reach his beloved nephews and begin dragging them both back. I calmed, knowing they'd be safe now and stepped aside as Dwalin rushed in to help drag the boys back to land when Thorin got close enough. It was the sudden shrill that echoed in my ears that filled me with a fear the most. The sound was too familiar. My head whipped around and the sight of a half-soaked Òri attempting to free Kíli's spooked steed. Before I could register my next moves I had already jumped into action, leaping into the freezing water. The temperature of it bit and pinched my skin, causing my breath to hitch. I ignored the feeling, and continued onward until my arms wrapped around Òri's body, pinning his arms to his sides in the process. By the time I spun around on the slippery rock, my feet had begun to slide back down toward the frozen rush. I tossed the young dwarf with every strength I could summon, watching helplessly as his brothers caught him. Once I was positive that Òri was safe, I turned my attention to the crazed pony that had caused this mess. He was thrashing, yanking, and jerking at the rein which contained him, I knew that there was only one way to keep him from killing himself or the people around him.

"Boys!" I yelled with such an urgency that I gained nearly everybody's attention immediately.

I even got a glance from an occupied Thorin and Dwalin. However, I didn't let myself get distracted. Nòri dove for the rocky area at his feet when a hoof struck the air near his head at an immense speed.

"Out of the way!" If there is one thing I learned; Dwarfs move faster than light when they hear those words.

After the men had managed to scatter, I lunged forward through the harsh, cold liquid that seemed to claim my legs. At a painfully fast rate; I had managed to reach my skinning knife, surging forward to slice apart the leather constricting the creature. The leather cut with a _snap,_ alerting everyone that the small pony was loose. A small smile almost had the chance to form on my features before I realized exactly how trapped I was. The animal failed to notice that it had been freed, continuing to kick and rear. I attempted to move, however, my plan backfired and I sidestepped into a kicking hind leg. The sheer power forced me into another rock, head first. I could feel my body go limp and my vision faded, however I could still see. I was engulfed in a painfully cold substance and the air rushed from my body.

I couldn't shake myself from this unresponsive state. I was just lying there, too numb to realize I was cold and too tired to realize I was in water. I couldn't remember how to move, how to get up. Multiple hands dragged me back to dry ground, but I couldn't see who it was. I vaguely felt hands hitting my chest in attempt to get me to breathe, and I hardly responded. I felt a harsh pound growing behind the impatient beats.

"Axell!! Come on! Breathe!!!" The recognizable voice yelled in panic, before a fist was brought down on my chest at an angry rate.

Then my breath returned. I lurched forward, coughing and spewing water from my suddenly trembling body. The blond that had been previously yelling at me engulfed my frozen form, pulling me into his arms as he stood. My vision went from its faded position to an acute sight before black began to eat away at the corners. Then it swallowed me completely.

 

 


	11. Lesson Learnt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It had been brought to my attention that I had accidentally made more copies of one chapter than I had thought, missing some of the more important ones within the plot. Along with a few I had placed in there for the pure enjoyment of the readers. The issue has now been resolved, and I will be acutely aware of my editing to be sure I do not repost something that has already been published. Thank you, and enjoy.

Bywater Road  
Axell POV:

I gasped and attempted to leap from the solid arms containing me, I had been thrown awake from the repetitive memory that had happened mere hours before. The bulky arms' motions suggested that they had constricted my movements the moment I stirred. Part of me was thankful, because if he had not I would have fallen off the pony. While another part of me was only blinded by panic, attempting to escape. The blond said nothing, not to me or the others, just held me in a tight hug, humming ever so softly. It was calming, and I eventually relaxed. The slow sauntering of the grey was the beat my body adapted too, and the heart beating against my back was the rhythm my heart synchronized with. It was only then I was able to think and ask coherent questions. _I'm safe, Fíli's safe...what about Kíli? Where are we? Why is everyone so quiet?_

"Fí-" My voice cracked unpleasantly, but nonetheless Fíli hummed in curiosity. "What happened to Kí-"

"He's alright, took on a little too much water. But he'll be just fine." His voice was calm and he spoke carefully, almost as if he was trying to coax me back to sleep.

"Where are we?" I could feel my voice starting to sound less scratchy.

"We are on Bywater Road still, we are stopping at Bree. Everybody needs the break." He soothingly said.

"Okay..how is everybody? Are they-" I was cut off.

"Axell, everybody is fine. They are unharmed and healthy. The only one that sustained an alarming injury would be you. Now please, go back to sleep." Fíli reassured.

With that, I relaxed into his gentle grip and allowed myself to be taken back into the darkness of sleep.

\-----Time Skip------

Bree  
Axell POV:

When I awoke, all my surroundings were clouded, and noises were muffled and voices were unidentifiable. I couldn't think straight, all my thoughts were fogged. Nothing made sense. My body pounded in agony, my mind becoming overloaded with lack of senses. I couldn't find the strength to speak, the most I could muster was a pain filled groan. It was then I was able to hear parts of sentences.

"Axell...we're in Bree...hypothermia..flu....we are going to take care of you..Óin knows...what he's doing.." It was the same soothing voice that I'd grown to enjoy, sounding so different seeing as how it was heavy with concern compared to the bubbly and carefree tone it normally held.

I groaned in response, trying to get across that I understood. However, I could not tell if it had worked since I was dispersed into darkness.

\-----Time Skip------

Bree  
Axell's POV:

An unrecognizable and inhuman noise was the first audible thing that reached my ears after an eternity of uncontrolled slumber. It took much longer than it should have for me to realize that I was the source of the retched sound. Immediately there were hands on my head, arms, neck, anywhere that seemed to be keeping my body from sitting up. The warmth was uncomfortable against my already burning neck, causing me to sit up faster than they would have wished. Once I was in the upright position, my head and ears throbbed with dehydration; causing me to search for fluids of some kind. My glassed over eyes were difficult to see past, causing more frustration than any other emotion I have felt before. Thoughts rumbled through my skull as noises around me started to become coherent. _Where am I? What happened? Where is the company? Why can't I see anything? I need water._ It was then that a voice cut through the thoughts, startling me out of my imagination.

"I don't believe that we will be jumping into any more rivers any time soon, isn't that correct, Axell?" The old wizards voice was soothing on the ears, causing me to calm the senses already in overdrive. The voice whom spoke next was not as easy on the head.

"You can't just assume wizard, you need to tell her. Give her a consequence. That's how dwarfs learn." His voice was harsh, gruff, and demanding.

"Now, Thorin. Believe me when I say, she has learned." Gandalf sent back harshly.

Thorin did not say anything after, and neither was I pressed to respond. In fact, my tongue was basically glued to the roof of my mouth with thirst. I bounded about a foot in the air when a company member suddenly appeared in my vision. The young Òri cleared in my foggy sight, smiling sheepishly, with an appealing cup of water clutched in his hands. I grinned back appreciatively at the juvenile dwarf, for he was definitely smarter than he appeared. It was in that moment in, which the dwarf I have been spending most of my time with, decided to sneak up behind me. I could feel the slight dip in the bed just before the dwarf arms wound around my midsection, his cheek resting on my shoulder. I was about to turn to see who it was, however the beardless chin gave him away. I leaned into his touch ever so slightly, and attempted to raise my arms to grasp the wooden cup held toward me. With the assistance of Òri, I managed to get the cup in my weak hands. However, about half way to my mouth, my grip started to fail. If it weren't for the suddenly appearing hands, I would have dropped the cup. I glanced up to see a very concerned looking Fíli, if it weren't for my weak and tired state I would have asked the brothers what had happened. Although, it seemed both had read my mind nonetheless.

"You were out for a week darling," The younger muttered into my neck, breathing in the scent of my hair.

"Aye, we thought we might lose you. Twice." The blond explained with a serious tone, holding my hair away from my face so that I could easier access the beautiful liquid. "Though, we discover how tough you are, fought through it better than any other dwarf I've met."

"These two are exaggerating when they say we nearly lost you, they were panicking." The healer grumbled, the rest of the group making an agreeing noise.

"A week?" My voice was hoarse and harsh from lack of use, "The lot of you could have left without me. I would have caught up."

A new voice cut through my thoughts, the gravelly voice grating on my sensitive ears.

"Óin would have had to stay behind, and both my nephews refused to leave you. I could not leave behind the loyal ones whom responded to my call without question." Thorin's harsh tone caused the two caring for me to stop and glare deathly at their beloved uncle.

The remainder of the night was spent vaguely listening to Thorin's plans for future travel. But I was not able to listen to Thorin and his grumpy tone. Instead, I was distracted by the loving actions of the young dwarfs, and the sweet whispers of affections coming from the younger. That is how I drifted to sleep.

 


	12. Curiosities and Concern

Bree  
Axell's POV:

We've been in Bree for a long while now, from what I've heard anyway. I have been out for nearly a week, so this is only the second day for me. Óin wants my energy and health to catch up before we start the trek again. It was dark outside the large window, however most were not sleeping. In fact, nobody was. Thorin, Kíli, Bilbo, Òri, and Gandalf were the only ones in the room. The rest had found the tavern. I had a feeling tonight that I was going to be having a conversation of some kind with the head of the group. However, at the moment I was surrounded by Bilbo, Òri, and Kíli. Bilbo sat on the end of the bed, Òri sat on the edge yet somehow kept all his limbs on the bed, and Kíli was cuddled up as close as he could be. All of which were concerned and playful, teasing a member of our small little group and telling stories. Kíli was flirting immensely, and I attempted to not respond. However I flirted back, thinking that this company might be the fresh new start I needed. Sadly, our group had to be separated as Thorin kicked everybody off my bed and into the hallway. His pale eyes marked my own, daring me to argue.

"You've caused a lot of trouble." His voice slowly unravelled my thoughts, his displeasure evident with a stony anger.

"I'm sorry." My tone came out tired and honest, trying to keep in beat with his own.

"You've wasted plenty of good supplies." His anger started to ignite.

"I'm sorry." I held the panic and worry to myself.

"We've wasted valuable time." Then his anger was up flames, his sight blinded by red.

"I'm sorry." It was such a silent apology that I was positive he hadn't heard it, although in the anger he has himself in, he might not have heard anything I said.

"And yet I still worry about you, and I don't know why." It seemed like somebody had dumped a barrel of ice over his aggravated self.

That stunned me into silence, I had no idea how to respond to his newfound concern. My body went numb with confusion, my thoughts freezing from curiosity.

"What in Middle Earth made you think that it would be okay to risk your life like that?" His concern dripped like an overflowing bucket.

"It was either Òri or I." My stunned silence was finally able to spew.

"What?" That fact seemed to piss him off, wether it was from concern; anger; or fear; was beyond my knowledge.

"It was either Òri got killed, or I got killed. I thought I was more expendable." I explained more thoroughly. 

"Seriously?" His anger was reignited. 

"I'm sorry?" I had no idea as to how I was supposed to respond.

"Don't apologize." Apparently my apologies were only angering him further, however it is the only thing I know how to say when it comes to speaking with authority. 

"I'm s---" I knew this would be stopped from entering the air.

"What did I just say?!" He bellowed, and I was positive I could see smoke pouring out his ears for a fraction of a second.

It took ever muscle in my body to not repeat the words in which caused him to respond this way.

"Thank you. Now I want to know what made you think that any of us would prefer you dead than Òri." He was confused, which apparently displeased him.

"Òri is family to all of you, I was just brought along to be useful."

"That made you think that we didn't care?" Never mind, everything displeased him.

"Well, hardly any of you make an effort to talk to me." It was truth, very few of them made the effort to know me.

"That does not mean we don't care." Now I was the confused one.

"Then it means what exactly?" I tried to ask without the snap behind my words, my efforts were futile.

"We've all learned to not trust so easily, some of us the hard way."

"You don't think I have?" Now I was pissed.

"Have you?"

"Yes," That is the only way I could respond, only once has my untrusting heart been handled delicately.

"Okay, now I know that you have trust issues as well as I. One thing we have in common, we're bonding." It was not what my mind was trying to say, but it was as close as it was going to get.

"Not what I was suggesting, but your reasoning is understandable."

"You are not to put yourself in harms way for any of us again, that will be my job only. Is that understood?" His sudden harshness was surprising, nonetheless, his protective leader instincts were understandable.

"Understood,"

We were silent at the moment, Thorin's thoughts were spinning like a firework. I, however, was basking in the silence that had filled the room. I knew it wouldn't last for long, but I wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. The lamps flickered carelessly while Thorin sat opposite from my bed. Then the open shutters creaked and occasionally thudded against the small inn. The hall outside was drenched in a eery silence, and the nice in the rafters could be heard. The moon shone through the murky glass, giving half the room a peaceful glow. It was enjoyable, just allowing the mind to concentrate on the beauty surrounding oneself. It was in my final moments in which Thorin's thoughts came to life. 

"Why do you not trust?" Not a single emotion was visible through the question.

"I've held many closer to heart than I ever should have, most of which have tried to kill me. Those who haven't vanish," I stated the facts.

"That is inhumane. Why on earth would you be associated with that?" He was unhappy about the information.

"Kill or be killed. It is how I was raised, I did not have much of a decision." That was also truth.

He hummed aloud, his mind processing what had just been admitted. Then he finally seemed to notice how late it truly was, especially after the large yawn I expelled.

"Get some rest, you need it. We will be traveling again soon." With that he left the room, and I was soaked in night sounds and lamp lighting.

Needless to say, I slept soundly. Not a thing had woken me, the first time in about eight years.


	13. Wake Up Call

Bree  
Axell's POV:

I was woken up rudely, with a shout uncomfortably close to my head. I would express my displeasure, however it normally ends with someone dead or broken. So I only grumbled, my face constructing a sleepy scowl. My features soothed after the apology, and a murmuring comfort, filled my ears. After a few moments, I felt the warmth that had been attached to me since I had awoken. I forced my eyes open to notice the sluggish room, the sun had not dawned at the moment but it was not far from doing so.

"Morning, sleepyhead." His warm, gentle breath whisked across my cheeks as he whispered huskily.

He was close, his nose nearly brushing my temple as I searched for him. I was mentally paralyzed from conjuring words, but my eyes worked perfectly. His eyes shone in delight when my smile met his delirious one, his brown hair slightly askew from his bed head, his face was given a memorizable hue when the pale blue shone through the mirky glass behind me, his youthful face glowed with a sleepy happiness. It was a view worthy of being memorized, his unforgettable character would follow me to the ends of time.

"Morning," I attempted to speak coherently, however it came out like a twisted snake; confusing and amusing.

The young male dwarf beside me, hitched his breath in what I believed to be amusement, his eyes watching me as if I were crystal to him. I'd not seen him this way the entirety of the three weeks I had known him. I enjoyed seeing a different side, a deeper side. He realized that his grin slipped, plastering on a default one while he spoke.

"We have to leave today, so I packed up some of your things. Bofur laid out your clean clothes. We've got food for you when you are ready." He explained quietly, his hair falling into his face before he glared at it harmlessly.

For those of you who haven't been thinking about the other times I have been awake, I do know that my clothing had been changed out. I do not believe skin-tight, soaked leather would have helped my hypothermia. So I borrowed a change of clothes from Kíli, since he's the smallest of the men with the warmest clothes. Òri's knit clothing has too many holes to be warm, and Bilbo is too small. After processing what the young dwarf had said, I realized what I have done wrong.

"Kíli, you didn't have to pack up my stuff too. I could have woken up with the rest of you and done that." I whined a slim amount, more upset at myself than anything.

The man chuckled at my actions, only forcing me to calm by pushing my arm down; the arm he had a light touch on this entire time.

"Yes, I did." He announced with a prideful gleam. "You have been sick, you needed to regain your strength, and Óin said that you will be needing more strength still."

I huffed, at first I was nothing more than annoyed. However, I let myself think for just a short moment. It was then that I realized I still felt like I could sleep most of the day away. So I allowed myself to be grateful, giving him an appreciative smile. 

"Thank you." My hair fell in my face when I turned towards him, causing him expel a throaty chuckle.

I finally sat up, almost eye level with the dwarf on the bed next to mine. The way he was looking at me caused my nerves to tingle, in a way that I had never experienced. In it's own way, it frightened me. My cleaned clothes sat in a nearly folded pile next to him, I stood and wobbled over to it. Glancing around the room I noticed few dwarfs left, so I knew it wouldn't take long before I could get changed. My gaze landed upon Kíli only to find he was still looking at me like I was something amazing. I returned the look, until I noticed that the final few were heading out. I smirked at him and his expression changed, from adoring to playful.

"You think that you can kick me out?" He teased, an obviously fake angered tone.

"Yeah, I do." I repeated his tone, smiling at his amusement.

He let out a quiet laugh, standing as he did so. Our chests were nearly touching due to our close proximity, it was then that I backed down. He chuckled at my slight discomfort.

"Alright, I will head out." He smiled, stepping closer again, just to see me act awkward for a second time.

Once he was out of the room, I changed back into my leather container. Stuffing the clothing I had borrowed neatly into my bag.

Once outside I noticed that everybody is saddled up and mounting. However, there were a few that had been struggling to wrangle up Caspian. With a single whistle, I had Caspian bowing, allowing me to seat myself where needed. Then he hopped back up into a standing position. With a nod at Thorin, I gave the signal that I was ready. Then we were off, and after I shot a smile at Kíli and Fíli, I took my place at the back of the pack.


	14. Incapable

It's been a boring two weeks since we've left Bree, the only that has changed since then? The road we have been taking.

\-----------------------------  
The Great East Road  
Axell's POV:

"It's been the same old stuff for the past few weeks." Kíli whined, showing a very obvious displeasure to the lack of excitement.

"It won't stay quiet for very long Kíli, don't you worry. For now, try to enjoy it a little..okay?" I tried to explain, knowing full well that it wouldn't be heard.

"Okay, okay. I suppose you're right....I'm still bored!" What did I tell ya? "Want to go have a competition?!"

I sighed lightly before a grin struck my face, I couldn't deny that I'd been needing the opportunity to do something either.

"You know what? You're on!" I exclaimed while leaping onto my feet and snatching up my detailed bow, hardly registering that I'd managed to flick my quiver up into my grasp elegantly simultaneously.

I turned to see Kíli sprinting into the dense wood, yelling incoherently about following him. I caught the knowing and humored glimpses that passed between a few members of the company, but I didn't pay much attention to it as I skillfully vanished into the trees. My eyes adjusted instantly in the dark, giving me the odd advantage to the element of surprise. My body swiftly and silently shot me through the untamed forest floor, the thick underbrush beginning to fade quickly. I could hear the silent sound of hushed, heavy breaths and the skilled footsteps as it's owner settled itself in the attack position. It took me a mere second to become so silent that I didn't exist, and I easily snuck up near my awaiting attacker. I grinned maniacally as I perched on the miniature slope above him. The moment he turned his back to me, my feet threw me effortlessly at him and I felt my arms wrap around his waist with a un-dwarf-like skill. This caused us to fall down the green slope. I managed to control my roll while Kíli on the other hand was tumbling down the hill mercilessly, by the time we hit the bottom soundlessly he was covered in twigs and dirt. I chuckled shamelessly as he glared at me, his angry eyes making my heart rush in my chest for some unknown reason. I shook off the feeling internally and dashed off in the direction of the small clearing which had been spotted earlier today, Kíli hot on my heels ready for revenge. As we sprinted to the tiny area, I was next to positive that I was going to outrun him. Until the young dwarf's solid arms wrapped around my middle, throwing us both into the small clearing.

\----Time Skip----

I chuckled enthusiastically as I started sprinting towards camp, however I hadn't started fast enough. I felt his long arms wrap around my stomach - for the second time tonight - and toss me back to him, I struggled in his grasp as we tripped over each other. I braced myself for the impact of the incoming earth, however it was Kíli who willingly took the brunt of the fall. He grinned at me mischievously, as if we both hadn't just hit the solid ground.

"You may have barely won the archery contest, but I will win a wrestling match easily." He grinned, rolling so that I was under him rather than half on him. 

I attempted to fight back, managing to squirm so that my body was almost out from under him. Just as I was about to free myself from him and run for my freedom, I felt his hands grip my hips roughly, dragging me back beneath his weight. I used my knees and arms to retaliate, but it only took him a short moment to overpower me. Well, I kinda did let him. Don't want to damage the guy's ego too much. However, it wasn't until I stopped fighting that I noticed how close we physically were. His chest was pressed heavily against my own and limiting my movements, his lower shins had my ankles pinned down against the moist ground in attempt to keep me from using my legs, and finally, I had both arms pinned above my head to keep me from further retaliation. His breath was warm against my cheeks and his eyes bore down into my own. Then they went wide. I honestly don't think I've been pulled off the ground at a faster rate, which I was grateful for. Seeing as how we had been uncomfortably close before. 

"Kíli!...Axell!...It's getting late!..Come on!...Kíli, Uncle wants you both back!" The familiar voice rung in the distance of the dense forest.

We both shot a look into the darkening forest, locating his direction soon. 

In a way, we were both grateful. Yes, I enjoy his company; yes, I think he's amazing to be around; yes, he's probably the only one I've been this close to. But I cannot allow myself to get close or comfortable near people. I learnt that the hard way.

Kíli reached forwards, pulling the shrubs and twigs out of my hair. I allowed him to help, since I couldn't see the back of my head. Then I allowed him to lead us back to camp. Once the fire was in view, I knew something was going to happen. I halted, waiting for Kíli to pass the bush line. That is when it happened. The elder launch from thin air, and onto the younger. Forcing the two into a wrestling match of the ages. I laughed at the two and their antics, wiggling my way through the rest of the group. I stood alone in the shadows, enjoying the scene in the middle of camp.

I stood where I was for a good few minutes, and it looked like it was only getting more active. Since Dwalin and Glóin joined in, making the excitement magnify. I slunk over beside Bilbo, Balin, and Bofur, loosing myself to my thoughts.

"Axell!" My elder brother yelled, his broken heart pouring from his eyes. "You can't take her Father! She can't go again!"

"My son, she does not belong to you. Therefore, it is not your decision. I will do as I wish," The blond man's startling eyes landing upon me in a disapproving manner. "What have you done to deserve my son's affection? You are nothing. You aren't worth the dirt you walked on. You don't know how to love, and shouldn't. Am I understood?"

"Yes my king." I nodded, not allowing him to see my rebellious smirk.

"When you come back, you are not to see my son for three months. Understood?"

"Yes my king." No emotions.

"Good. Now here is what I require you to do..."

I was knocked out of my thoughts by Fíli, a concerned look melting off him. His voice also dripped with it when he spoke.

"Axell, I was trying to catch your attention for the past few minutes." His eyes desperately searching my own.

"Sorry Fíli, I guess I was deeper in thought than I believed." My eyes came across as genuinely and honestly apologetic.

"It's okay, I was only starting to get worried." With that he went back to talking to the surrounding group.

The sad fact was that my thoughts were memories. That one, was the first of many. That was what begun it all. I've heard too much about how I don't deserve and neither capable of loving. Which is the reason why I keep pushing the boys away after a certain amount of time or attention, because I am capable of having friendships. As long as I'm not loved.


	15. Trolling Troubles

The Great East Road  
Axell's POV:

_"Gandalf, where are you going?"_

_"To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense."_

_"And who's that?"_

_"Myself, Mr.Baggins." Gandalf grumbled loudly, continuing in a baritone most likely only heard by the ones around him. "I've had enough of dwarfs for one day."_

That was earlier today, and Gandalf hasn't been seen since. Although, it didn't concern me in the least. He's a wizard, he'll do as he chooses.

On another subject, at the moment I was out. Fíli and Kíli were watching the ponies, therefore there was no dire need for me to be around. So I've been wandering, wandering with a purpose. I knew the moment we stopped at the broken and mangled remains, something was terribly wrong in the surrounding area. That there was a reason it was half buried into the ground, without a sign of rot, decay, or blackened wood from being singed or crisped. So I've been searching, the trees angered and creepy in the blocked out moonlight.

It was the smell that drew me closer to the bottom of the mountain. Low and behold, I found a seemingly occupied troll hoard. Although, nobody was home. With that thought in mind, I rushed back to camp. The low underbrush smacking my face, and clutching at my tunic causing the leather to scream in displeasure. To my dismay, the entire company had vanish in what appeared to be a panicked rush. I knew in those minutes, my mind lacking the power to even consider details, that the company had gotten themselves into trouble.

Bolting through the forest and the crashed through ferns, I prowled upon the trolls. With seven dwarfs probably tied and positively bagged, six dwarfs on a spit, and a single hobbit with enough brains in his head to cause a distraction. _Good thinking Bilbo, keep them busy._ Whether his distraction was for my benefit, or he was just waiting on the sun was beyond my ability of thinking at the moment. Seeing as how, my purpose was to free the contained. I slipped behind Thorin, who was positioned quite awkwardly, and attempted to hide myself beneath him as I worked on slicing the bag and removing the bindings. I had only caught parts of the conversation while I focused on working.

"The secret is..." Bilbo stopped talking to think, forcing me to pause so that the tearing fabric could not be heard.

"Yes?" Another short amount of time.

"The secret is..." Another.

"Go on." Another.

"Yes, I'm telling you...the secret is..." _Hurry_ _up_ _Bilbo._ "...tooo skin them first!"

I had gotten a large portion of the bag cut open, but I had to pause as the rest of the dwarfs groaned. My face contorted in displeasure, his only idea could not possibly be skinning.

The dwarfs were yelling, and trolls were arguing, allowing me to work on the bindings around Thorin's upper arms and torso, and his wrists. However, I halted in horror at the stupidest troll's next statement.

"He's right. Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf, nice and crunchy." His slimy and grubby appendages picking Bombur out of the bagged group.

"No! Not that one! He's infected!" The troll gasped at Bilbo's statement, and I mentally praised Bilbo for his quick thinking. "He's got worms in his...tubes."

As Bombur was thrown back onto the pile, I worked on Thorin's ankles. Cutting them free just in time witness the group disagreeing, causing Thorin to kick Kíli in the shoulder. It could be felt that he had been undone, however he made it seem as though he had difficulty. The small amount huddled on the ground, and even a few stuck on the spit, had caught the look that had been given. I silently hushed a couple on the ground, allowing them to know I was in the premises.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm!" Óin stated in an unsure manner, and I slid down between the bag and him beginning to free him next.

"I've got the biggest parasites! I've got HUGE parasites!" The genuine fear in Kíli's voice I believed was more for his brother at the moment, the one who was silent on the spit.

Once again the trolls got angered and acted hastily, but I stopped my actions entirely when I heard the familiar voice.

"The dawn will take you all!" Then suddenly the cheerful rays if the sun were forced into the small area, and we all watched on in amazement as the trolls turned to stone.

Cheering was heard from every direction, and I rolled out from underneath Óin. Thorin basically hopped up, causing the bag and binds to fall. The few who hadn't known I was there, looked at him in astonishment. The King's hand was offered to me, helping me to my feet.

"There may be use for you yet." He smiled, pleased that I had been working diligently to free them, even if my efforts were unneeded.

I attempted to get back to work on the little amount I had gotten to on Óin. The same large hand stopped me, and a knowing look crossed both our faces.

"I need you to get the others down, they are probably wanting off that spit." He nodded in the direction of the six.

I gave him an expression of understanding and nodded before I elegantly contorted myself up the spit. Thankfully the fire had been put out by the same power that had been used to crumble the boulder.

My eyes frantically ravaged the ropes around my friends, trying to find a safe way out of this mess constricting them. I finally found a few that would release them, and send them away from the angered embers and stone. I hacked and chopped, rope by rope. Watching, as one at a time, each dwarf swung around the spit once or twice times before each was rolled away from the heat.

All may have been sore and grumpy after, but their gratitude was evident. Well, for all but Dwalin. The blasted man had mauled nerves and burnt emotions.

Once I had everyone down, my feet and hands moved according to the feel of the support stands. Decades of training filing through my mind in a muted manner. Few watched me in awe, most looked on in disgust. I landed just in time to hear Thorin speaking with Gandalf.

"They couldn't not have moved in daylight." Gandalf stated, confusion etched onto his wrinkled face.

"There must be a cave nearby," Thorin thought aloud, as realization dawned on him.

This is when I decided to speak up.

"Yes, there is. I found it earlier." I announced to the royal dwarf.

"That's why you were gone," It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

I knew that he probably wouldn't be thrilled after these turn of events to hear that I had simply gone off on a galavant through the forest. I nodded, waiting for his brash attitude to rear it's head. It never did.

"I was wondering where you had gone off to, I thought it was a little late for you to be troublesome. And I had known that you had already hunted part of the stew, since it was made for us just before we had to take a face of action." He thought to himself, soon looking me in the eyes. "Show me."

\----Time Skip----

The Company had either gone into the troll hoard, or admired trinkets near the mouth. I, on the other hand, hung a little deeper into the forest. An uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach causing me to stand tall and mighty with alert. I felt my spine crawl as eyes landed upon me from behind, and I turn for only a moment to check my blind side. My eyes laid upon Kíli and I relaxed slightly, knowing that he was not my enemy. However a large crash resounded in the distance and I sprung to life, readying myself for a fight.

 


	16. The Beginning of the Panic

The East Road  
Axell's POV:  
\--------

Turns out the noise I had been hearing, was none other than Radagast the Brown; the odd wizard that Gandalf spoke so fondly of. It was apparent that he had been without any social interaction for quite some time, the insects crawling over his earthy wardrobe made it clearer than crystal. The two wizards wandered off, a couple of the nosey dwarfs trying to eavesdrop.

Dwarfs act oddly, not odd like the wizards, but odd nonetheless. They clung to one another's presence more than any other life form I've come across. It might not seem like it, but they do. They never leave one of their own behind, even if it means risking their lives. They never let one of their own go hungry, and they never let one leave the sight of the group alone for more than ten minutes. So it was amusing when most of the company, with the exception of few, just stood at close proximity of one another while speaking about anything that came to mind. Bifur, Glóin, Bombur, and Òri, although they weren't alone, were a little more separated from the group. Bombur and Òri conversed amongst themselves a slight distance from the rest of the group, while Bifur and Glóin seemed to be taking watch. Every once in a while the larger group would search for their further companions, calming when they knew the missing were near. I contently watched their subconscious actions, which never ceased from any dwarf.

My enjoyment was abruptly halted when the sound of a familiar howl cut through the comfort. The entire company froze in horror, their alert senses becoming more unwavering than their stubborn nature. The only one that appeared to have a panicked and frantic reaction was poor Bilbo.

"Was that a wolf? Are there wolves out there?" Bilbo stuttered frantically.

"Wolves?" Bofur responded almost subconsciously, seeing as how he was probably the closest to Bilbo in the company. "No, that was not a wolf--"

The trembling dwarf, as giddy as he can normally be, swung around with a gasp. As did the rest of the company, when they heard their brother's sentence being cut off with a tremendous growl.

The beast was larger than any horse ever domesticated by man. It's fur soiled and ruined from its lifetime in the wild, causing all of the pack to look similar. The teeth of the creature shone with hunger, the drool dripping from the animal to prove it. However, it was the eyes that paralyzed you, an anger so powerful and raw that it's prey froze in fear alone.

It stalked towards the company until all eyes were upon it, then it launched upon Dòri. Thorin slashed at the back of it's head with a unforgiving power, and Dòri took the opportunity to dash out from under the monster. While many of the men occupied themselves with a shaken Dòri, another beast leapt from the dense forest. Anger filled noises filled the air as it rushed towards an occupied Thorin, an unsaid determination radiating off the creature. I heard the arrow notch and fire from the bow behind me, landing the shoulder of the animal, paralyzing the foreleg and forcing the large body to tumble down the hill. Dwalin took the opportunity to throw an axe into the parasite's head, killing it instantly.

"Warg Scouts!" Thorin exclaimed as I bolted up the hill alongside Bifur and Òri, I proving to be the only long distance fighter able to accompany them without leaving the rest defenseless. "Which means an Orc pack is not far behind!"

I stood on the crest of the hill, able to see all of the company from that point. I heard what was being said, but I was not listening. My focus was on our surroundings, looking for anything that is drooling for death. I could sense that Bifur and Òri had run behind me and back to the group, breathing heavily in panic. Òri's sudden shout startled my attention to his poor state.

"We can't! We have no ponies! They bolted!" Everyone heard him say this, but most hadn't heard what he frantically muttered to me afterwords. "Except for your horse, he's untied but hasn't left."

With that in mind I let out a shrill whistle, quick and mostly quiet. He came thundering to me, nickering when he arrived. I lowered my bow, giving myself the hands needed to remove the bridle. I whispered to him as I did so, speaking with a reassuring and supportive tone. I gave him a quick hug, watching him turn and bolt, following the directions I had given him. He never failed me, and I knew he would get to Imladris safely. My grip was replaced on my bow, and I turned just to hear my name being called.

"Axell, come on!" Dwalin bellowed, taking up the rear this time.

We rushed through the trees and the underbrush, weaving our way through in hopes to be hidden from the enemies eyes. Suddenly the group came to a halt, the tree line keeping us from going further. I allowed my eyes to shut while my hearing focused on my surroundings.

Radagast burst somewhere East, my left in the position I was standing, and the Wargs and Orcs leapt after him. I reopened my eyes, knowing that we would be on the move again momentarily. I heard the shouts and watched everybody scramble into the open. I followed in suit, Dwalin's large hand on my back ensuring I went where directed. Once I could see the boulder in which the company was hidden behind I bolted, Dwalin hot on my heels. I heard him grumble about my actions, waiting for everyone to be a ways in front of me before doing what I was supposed to.

I could not trust anyone due to my past, so this was the way I acted. Every part of me strung and alert, acting my own way and on my own accord. Which does not mean I won't protect the ones around me, I'll just do it differently.

Once hidden, Dwalin rushed up to the front of the pack, Thorin needing his best friend's presence. I was about to take the rear - which I was convinced was my responsibility at this point of the journey - until two hands grasped my upper arms and dragged me behind the leaders. I glanced on either side of me to find that I was being held in place by the Durin brothers. Both of which acted cool and collected, although their grip whispered the fears they hold.

We weave through and behind boulders of various sizes; and I was curious as to how they got there, but I did not let my mind wander too far with the danger lurking nearby. I knew that some of the older dwarfs were suspicious of Gandalf, however most just wanted to live to see tomorrow. So the only one questioning, was Thorin.

Constant words of _stay together_ and _hurry now_ filling the the company's ears as we rushed and watched cautiously for the danger lurking nearby. Until one finally caught our scent. I could hear both of them; the warg's claws clicking at the stone above us, and the Orc withdrawing the poisonous blade. I glanced over at Thorin to see him look between Kíli and his bow, then gave me the same pointed look. Kíli and I looked at each other silently communicating. I pointed to one of my eyes, and he nodded in an obvious understanding. He made a face that resembled that of a snarl, a very silent, deep and deranged noise escaping his throat. It was my turn to nod. Within seconds we dashed from our hiding spots, turned, and notched arrows before the either of the targets noticed. Both beast swung around, perfectly timed with our releases. Kíli's arrow drove into the beast with a _THUNK,_ while my own silently sliced the rider. Both dropped dead, silence filling the air as the distant killers continued to move.

"Quick, let's move. The others will notice they're gone soon." Thorin rushed the group, shooting a quick smile and nod at us archers.

Once again we were thundering on silently as we followed the directions of Gandalf. However, as expected, we were eventually noticed. The beasts just got a little too close and we were a little too loud, it almost couldn't be avoided. Shouts poured into my ears, English, Dwarfish, and Black Speech. I allowed myself to slip to the rear when everybody was occupied running, I like the Durin brothers but I cannot do what comes instinctually to me from the front. I watched as everybody before me started spilling into a clearing frantically, shouting in panic while they frantically counted each other. The Durin's voices flooded through the barrier I had placed.

"There's more coming!" The blond announced.

"Kíli! Axell! Shoot them!" The head of the dwarfs bellowed.

I didn't hesitate to follow that order. I shot, one after the other. Subconsciously firing off arrows, blinked and you missed my shot.

"We're surrounded!" Fíli alerted the group, forcing my shots to become more agitated.

I was unstoppable and I could hear Bilbo yelling at a few in mixed emotions. I could feel the eyes on me, yet I was frozen in the heat of the battle. Too focused to feel anything other than the wood beneath my fingers and the power in the ground.

"Where is Gandalf?!" An angered Glóin grumbled.

"He's abandoned us!" Dwalin spat.

Howls burst past any other noise emitted. I did not cease my firing.

"Hold your ground!" Thorin boomed at a volume so intense that it was almost not understandable.

Only two things floated in my mind, stabbing my conscious into a paralyzed state. _Kill. Protect. Kill. Protect._ A mantra to the unthinking. Which was what I was becoming, my hearing, sight, thoughts, all removed from my control. I could hear the frantic shouts as the enemy closed in and forced the company closer to each other, leaving me in the open. Although, it didn't matter at the moment.

"This way you fools!" Gandalf's voice reassured a small portion of my mind, the part that had been turned off.

"Come on, move!" Thorin encouraged.

I could feel the group vanishing, Thorin standing watch. Keeping a wary eye on his precious nephews.

"Quickly, all of you." I heard Thorin's tone gain speed, as if it would speed up the group. "Go. Go! GO!"

It wasn't until everyone, except the line of Durin, had taken cover when the leader finally shook my concentration.

"Kíli! Run!" Thorin shout, obviously wanting his nephew safe first.

"Axell! Hurry!" Thorin sounded agitated, however it was easily understood at the moment.

Thorin failed to follow the rest of the group until after I slid down the hole. I glanced around at every member, inspecting each for injuries of any kind. All seemed well, and for that I was relieved. I prepared myself for a fight, the Orcs failing to rear their ugly heads to our group. Suddenly, a horn sounded in the distance and I allowed my strained body and my tensed nerves to loosen. I sensed that few of those behind me did as well.

Screeching, crashing, squealing, shouting. These were all heard from the ground above. I could even hear the dead monster rolling it's way into our hole. I knew it was dead, with the graceless entrance it made it seemed apparent. After it finished it's path, the arrow was noticed immediately. Thorin wrenched the tool from the hollow, fleshy carcass.

"Elves." He spat, throwing down the blacken, bloody weapon in disgust.

He glanced between Gandalf and the few around him, a scowl eminent on his features. Dwalin's voice rang throughout the small area.

"I cannot see where the pathway leads, do we follow it or no?" His words tumbled, seemingly effortlessly.

"Follow it of course." Bofur rushed, speeding along the path.

The others followed, hot in pursuit. None willing to take the chance, each unwilling to face the demons again. Not that I blamed them.

"I think that would be wise." Gandalf agreed, a knowing tone in his words.

I examined him, along with a few of the others, before following the group. Allowing Gandalf to take the rear, although I was nearly there. If he disappeared again, I would be.

 


	17. Welcome to Rivendell

Rivendell  
Axell's POV:

The dwarfs were on high alert the moment Lindir spoke Gandalf's name in Sindarin, which was understandable. Hearing someone being called Mithrandir without my mind able to interpret it, I would be weary too; I would not trust someone I could not understand. However, I knew the language and the people well. Gandalf questioned Lindir, who seemed almost afraid to answer.

"My Lord Elrond, is not here." He stated, his words nearly cool. 

"Not here? Where is he?" Gandalf was suspicious of his answer.

He was suspicious until the horn sounded, signaling his return. Gandalf smiled to himself at the sound, Lindir looked nervous. Which was understandable, there was now thirteen dwarfs, a hobbit, and a wizard at their front door. The other dwarfs got protective forming a circle of their own, I rolled my eyes at their hollers and shouts as I settled myself next to Gandalf, waiting for the actions to cease.

"Gandalf!" Elrond looked amused to see him here in this situation.

"Lord Elrond." Gandalf greeted politely, continuing in Sindarin much to the company's dismay. "My friend. Where have you been?"

"We've been hunting a pack of Orcs that came up from the South. We slew a number near the Hidden Pass." Elrond leapt off the horse, embracing Gandalf. "Strange for Orcs to come so close to our borders. Something, or someone, has drawn them near."

"Ah, that may have been us." As Gandalf spoke, Thorin made his way to the front.

Elrond looked on, and I could tell he knew immediately how to piss him off. No matter how well one may think they know the Lord, he will always take an opportunity when he sees it.

"Welcome, Thorin, son of Thraín." Elrond informed, agitating Thorin and his mighty short patience.

"I do not believe we have met." Thorin attempted to hold his tongue, attempted to be polite.

"You have your grandfather's barrings. I knew Thrór when he reigned under the mountain." Elrond prodded.

"Indeed. He made no mention of you." He snapped, no longer trying to be mannerly.

Elrond began to speak in Sindarin to the company, annoying and angering each one; aside from Bilbo. I turned to Lindir, trying to contain my laughter. Although, upon seeing his expression, I let it out. Muffled mind you, but it encouraged Lindir to do the same. We fought to hide it, but the Elf Lord noticed.

"What is he saying? Does he offers us insults or no?" A very defensive Glóin blurted.

"No, master Glóin, he's offering you food." Gandalf translated.

Both my friend and I noticed the prideful and cocky smirk on the Head Elf's face, and we have to look away from him and one another to contain our fits. The dwarfs were quick to come to a decision.

"Well, in that case. Lead on." Glóin replied for the group.

"I will lead you to a room, where you will be able to clean up a bit before dinner." Elrond announced, turning to Lindir soon after. "Lindir, you remember where Húreth's room is. Accompany her, be sure that she has everything necessary."

He turned floating up the stairs, myself in tow. I halted at the next word that came from Elrond.

"Húreth." He watched me carefully. "Be sure that you wear something appropriate for dinner please."

"I will try, but I make no promises." I winked, following close behind Lindir.

\----------Time Skip-------  
Rivendell  
Axell's POV:

It felt nice to be clean again, and out of the leather. Due to the freedom I now have, I made the decision to wear something more suitable for the trip. I double checked to be sure the delicate and dainty fabric on my gown was in place, then continued to tiptoe to the dinning table. I was aware I had a number of eyes on me, however I ignored them. I was only being respectful of Elrond and his home. If the company didn't like it then they could stick their thoughts where the sun don't shine. Yeah, I went there. Anyways, I sat around a smaller table - specially made for times like these - Nòri, Dòri, Òri, Balin, Bilbo, and Fíli. The other dwarfs sat at another table, while Thorin, Gandalf, and Elrond sat a separate one. I ate my dinner without any complaints, and little conversation. Then, once my plate was empty, I allowed myself to communicate. It was during my conversation with Bilbo and Fíli that I noticed Kíli's constant glances, and I was suddenly very self-conscious. A very difficult task. Before I could shake myself of my thoughts, a hard boiled egg flew past my eyes and into Fíli. I knew immediately who it was, and wasn't alarmed in the least when Bofur got up to start singing. Instead I was very aware of the untouched cottage cheese, I was also aware that the dwarfs thought the elves were sticks in the mud, no fun. I knew otherwise. I stood suddenly, alerting only few at my table.

"What are you doing?" A suspicious Fíli thought.

"You'll see." That was all I supplied him with.

I waltzed up to the head table, discussing the importance of fun. Thinking aloud about Bofur's antics, allowing him to act as if he was not enjoying it. Until I gave him a reason to stop. I had intending it to look like I was just ducking behind his chair, reaching up to grab the backrest. However, I smeared the cottage cheese on the left side of his face, sliding to his opposite side and acting as if I had not just done what I had. One table howled and hollered, the other was dead silent until the other table mimicked them. I stopped talking by this point, waiting for his move. He picked up his glass, swirling the red liquid around it.

"Lindir," he summoned, "I believe I require some more wine."

I attempted to dash, and made it as far as the closest corner of his table to my own before I felt the liquid soak my side. I yelped and sprinted to the small table, throwing the first egg within my reach. Elrond was hardly able to dodge it but had with an almost effortless move, and he threw back one of his own in retaliation. Before we knew it the entire dinning area was a battlefield, the elves and their instruments having run long ago. 

In the end, the company had lost; aside from Gandalf, who just merely supplied us with ammunition. The elves were covered in egg, cottage cheese, and any other thing on our tables. However, the elves won. Their endless supply of water, paint, wine, fruit, eggs, and any other thing that would have been simple to throw or launch. Laughter was heavy in the air, and it was a beautiful thing to hear after the nights filled with Orc screams and Warg howls. Elrond dismissed us, playfully roughing my hair as I strutted past. Which earned more giggles and chuckles from those around. It seemed like most of us will need a second bath.

\----------Time Skip-------  
Rivendell  
Axell's POV:

I was the last to go and bathe, seeing as how I was the only female of the group. Changing into a dark blue, loose tunic and some black breaches; thankful that I wouldn't be asked to wear a dress for some time. When I got back to the loud group, it seemed like they had been waiting for me.

"How do you know how to speak Elvish?!" Thorin threw first.

"It's called Sindarin, and many people in Middle-Earth speak it. Elves just use it more, seeing as how it is their native language." I stated cooly at his aggressive question.

"I did not ask why, I asked how! How do you know how to speak it?!" He repeated.

I desperately wanted to vanish, not prepared or ready to admit to these events yet. I was frightened that they would see me as weak, that they would send me away.

"I had to learn the first time I met Elrond, or rather, his servants. Seeing as how Lindir is his only servant who can speak English." I danced around the main reason.

"Stop avoiding what it is you aren't wanting to admit to us." Thorin called out my balderdash, encouraging me to say it like it was.

I sighed heavily before searching my mind for the right words. I found only a few.

"I had to learn to speak to Elrond's healers." Blunt, and straight to the point.

It seemed to be enough for Thorin, and many of the elders. However, as I moved to sit at the back of the pack, I was picked at by the younger ones.

"Why did you have to speak with the healers?" Fíli pushed.

"I was injured." I stated.

"Well, yes, we figured that. But what caused you to need an elvish healer?" Kíli prodded.

I knew there was no escape from this, especially since all of the dwarfs and Bilbo now watched me. I was grateful I had been sitting, otherwise I would. Have trembled under their intense gaze.

"I accidentally crossed the same paths as an Orc Pack, resulting in some minor injuries. Although, I must have had a major injury of some kind because I couldn't move for days. I may have been stuck their if it weren't for Elrond passing by the area. He and some of his best fighters had been out on a hunt for that very group, so it was a relief when he found me. It was a day later, mind you, but I was still grateful." I admitted to about half of the story, which seemed to be enough for the group.

"So you were here for quite some time, I could imagine?" Bilbo wondered.

"Yes, nearly a year. But I cannot remember why it was for so long." I rubbed the back of my head, genuinely confused. "It was not a head injury, nor did I come close to death..."

With that said I lost myself to thought, trying to remember what it was that kept me there for so long. Then I attempted to remember what drove me away. But I could not find the answer to either. I was startled out of my thoughts, Bombur landing on the ground with a resounding clatter. Most of the dwarfs whooped and hollered in enjoyment while others merely chuckled in surprise. I was confused.

"Axell." Kíli called, looking at me in both amusement and concern. "Come here, you look a little cold." 

It was a good thing he noticed, because I hadn't. I was shaking like a leaf in the autumn winds, due to the fact I was still damp from my bath. The young dwarf opened his right arm welcomingly as his left hand was occupied with his pipe, and I allowed myself to slip over to his side. I was instantly warm at his side, and my shivering ceased in mere minutes. Before long I had drifted off, cuddling into his side like I depended on his warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mithrandir: grey wanderer  
> Húreth: fiery spirit


	18. Time To Go

**Thank you readers for sticking with me this far. :) I am grateful for your patience and I sincerely hope you are enjoying the story. This chapter is only filler, I needed to change her outfit but I could not do that at any other time. Therefore, if you wish, you could look at the picture connected and skip the chapter. There are minor changes from the image, but it will be mentioned in later chapters.**   
**\-----**

Rivendell  
Axell's POV:

It was our last few hours in Rivendell, the sun had not decided to show but I know it would appear soon. I silently toed about attempting to weave my way through the magnificent hallways, trying to get to my room unseen. I succeeded, sighing in relief that Elrond didn't stop me. Especially since he tended to do exactly that when I snuck about. Although, I was as sly as a fox.

I opened the giant wardrobe on the far side of the room, my leather armor hung while the comfortable clothing was tucked neatly in drawers. I was thankful for our stop in Rivendell, the leather dress against bare skin was not enjoyable after the consistency of the weather changes. I stripped myself of last night's temporary rags - something comfortable for sleep - and chose my new outfit with precision. A plain white tunic; a dark brown pair of leggings; black boots, with hidden pockets inside for spear-point daggers; I chose those for a base layer. While my armor was leather; a black leather corset with a high hip and lace-up front, a chest guard connected to the piece to look like one; a brown leather vambrace for my left forearm; a arm guard - a hidden pocket for a flat needle-point dagger - covering the fingers that released the drawstring, giving it a glove-like appearance. That was my clothing, however I had accessories. I had a dual sword belt to keep my twin leaf blade broadswords in place, and a couple of sheaths for my spear-point and needle-point daggers. To complete my outfit, I wrapped leather strips around the looser fabric, to keep my clothes watertight and as weather resistant as possible. Finally, for extra heat, I added fur to my shoulders. I checked myself in the mirror, double checked my weapons and made sure I could take my quiver on and off without hooking it on my new clothing. Satisfied, I turned and hurried to keep up with my friends. However, I heard Elrond. Although, he was occupied with a council meeting.

 _Be safe, the edge of the wild can be unpredictable. As you may know. Remember as you pass through the Mountains, caves are seldom unoccupied. Good luck, and safe travels._ I shook my head, knowing I would never fully understand elves.

After a few minutes of dodging maids and other elves under Elrond, I reached the hidden company. I got a few weary glances due to my extreme wardrobe change, although I could care less. If I am to be prepared for how active and adventurous, I need to be armed to my teeth.

With everybody gathered, we slipped away from the entrances of the Great Elf City. Wandering trails that lead to the Wild.

 


	19. To Trust or Not To Trust

Thorin's POV:  
If one were to ask me if I trusted my company, I would not hesitate. I have the most loyal dwarfs following me, and they have not failed me under any circumstance. I may be hard on them but my trust in them would never falter, they are my family. The only one that I may be uninviting towards is Axell. Do not misinterpret my words, I trust that she would have my back in any battle. She is a capable fighter. However, off the battle is what concerns me. She keeps things to herself, and I am unsure whether or not that is healthy for my family.

Dwalin's POV:  
Do I trust the company? Aye, I cannot say I couldn't. None of them has given me a reason not to. If they had, they would not still be with us. An 'accident' may have happened. The only one that causes me to be unsettled, would be the dwarf who could not be more unlike a dwarf. She was not frail, yet she was slight. An trait that would easily mislead any enemy. In battle I would have to be dead to not trust her. Off the battlefield, she is gaining my trust.

Balin's POV:  
Every person that signed that document, I consider family. So it would be a terribly idiotic idea if I considered not trusting one of them. I trust them _all_ with my life, each one has proven to me that I can.

Óin's POV:  
I may not understand them at times, but their actions cannot be misleading. Sure each individual may startle me when I incorrectly hear their words, but I have learned to go by their actions. Each member of this company could not be more caring, thoughtful, nor gentle when it comes to one another. I trust each of them as the individuals they are.

Glóin's POV:  
Each person has their bad days, I am proof. I can turn nearly any good day to a bad one. How can I trust these members? If they've had a bad day even once in the past eight months, then I can trust them.

Dòri's POV:  
Each person shows affection differently, but the one they're showing affection to always knows it. Simple body language. If they're body language says the same thing that the expression on their face does, I trust them.

Nòri's POV:  
I don't trust easy, call it a thief's response. I watch each person with a careful eye before I trust. Most of the dwarfs in this company are too loving to be unworthy of my trust. However, there are some that are a little more reserved that I keep an eye on. I trust them, until they guard their hearts and thoughts. Then there's Axell, I trust her. But she keeps herself in check too often to be the average traveler, wanderer, or even villager. There is something else beneath that impenetrable surface. I trust her about as far as I can throw her, but I trust her.

Òri's POV:  
Nobody here has tried to kill me or has left me on my own to survive. So I reckon that the folk around me are trustworthy enough. Besides, if there was someone I couldn't trust would something have not happened by this point.

Bifur's POV:  
I believe myself to be indestructible. My reckoning is, if they attack me I cannot trust them. If they don't, I trust them.

Bofur's POV:  
Everybody in this company has been as loving to each other as can be. So when you hear me say 'you are part of the company', I am saying you are one of us. That you are family, and family trust each other through thick and thin.

Bombur's POV:  
I trust this company about as much as I love to eat, which is a lot.

Fíli's POV:  
I have known most of these people since I was born, so naturally I would trust them. They cannot be any more like family. However, there are new additions that came into the picture when everything first begun. Axell, and Bilbo; and although I may seem wary of them both, I trust and love them like the family they are. Axell, like a sister; Bilbo, like a cousin.

Kíli's POV:  
Many believe that I am only juvenile, and naive, but that is not the case. Those around me are nothing less than family, and I know the feelings are mutual. Although there may be new additions, I trust them all the same.

Bilbo's POV:  
This journey, although it may be frightening, has been enjoyable for the most part. Thorin makes comments at times. However, it is understandable, the journey has been very trying on everyone. If anyone were to ask me if I trusted them, I would tell them they were crazy to ask me.

Axell's POV:  
They frighten me. Everyone here has their flaws, I would not expect anything less of them. I enjoy their company, and I enjoy watching them accompany each other. I have never seen a family that has a connection as strong as this group. I am honored to be considered an ally and friend to these amazing people. Do I trust them? Yes, I do. That's what frightens me.

 


	20. Bruised But Not Broken

Middle of Nowhere  
Axell's POV:

I knew, the moment I signed that contract. This journey would be no short trip. After all, we are nine months into this, and we aren't even halfway. Well, I believe the best is yet to come.

\----Time Skip----

"Bilbo," I called through the darkened surroundings, the firelight illuminating the bodies surrounding it. "Truth or Dare?"

"Truth." I could feel the smile in his voice, thankful for something he finally recognized.

"What do you believe is the most likely way you will die?" I asked, thinking that involving the rest of the company will encourage us to bond.

"I'll probably get eaten by a dragon, if I don't get killed by a pack of Orcs first." The company chuckled at his response. "Bofur, truth or dare?"

"Dare?" Bofur hesitated, unsure of how this game went.

"I dare you to peel and eat that banana--"Bilbo started, gesturing at the nearest fruit.

"Easy!" Bofur stated, tossing the banana into his grasp.

"I wasn't finished." Bilbo corrected, watching Bofur's face. "You have to eat it, _without_ using your hands."

The company laughed at Bofur's displeased expression, watching him fumble with himself for the longest time. He settled the fruit between his knees, yelling at another member.

"Fíli!" Bofur challenged. "Truth or Dare?!"

"Dare!" The young Durin's caught on quickly.

"I dare you," Bofur mumbled, teeth busy with the yellow peel. "to attempt to make Axell uncomfortable."

I was startled that I was drug into this, yet I wasn't surprised. I was the only girl here.

"My limitations?" The blond inquired.

"None." Bofur's words were muffled, as he struggled with his own dare.

Fíli's braids swayed and twirled when he grinned at me mischievously. I could feel myself become uncomfortable already, but I was amazing at schooling my expressions and thoughts. I gave a grin of my own, one that clearly said _bring it on._ He did exactly that. He stalked towards me, nearly crawling at me wen he closed in. When he had crossed the large distance between us, he basically sat _in_ my lap. He leaned awkwardly close, then proceeded to speak to the group before continuing.

"Nòri?" He grinned, turning to whisper something dirty in my ear.

_I'm not telling you what, so suck it up._

"Truth." Nòri grinned, not wanting something embarrassing.

"What was the last thing you stole?" Fíli using a creepier tone, leaning a little too close.

"Something that contained diamonds, from Rivendell." Nòri exclaimed with pride. "Kíli."

"Dare." The troublemaker pridefully challenged.

"Join your brother in his dare, because he looks like he needs some help. Whichever of you wins gets to do whatever they please to the other." Nòri smirked.

"Dwalin, truth or dare?" Kíli asked, waltzing to join his brother on the opposite side of me.

The game went on for what seemed like hours, nobody in any way feeling tired or sleepy. We were perfectly content, and I had even managed to block out the brothers. Until Kíli started purring into my ear, sliding his hand up my thigh. It was a miracle I kept myself from trembling in disgust, until he licked behind my ear. I yelped and leapt away, rubbing the spot his tongue had just been. The company hollered in amusement, Kíli in pride, and Fíli in shock. I rolled onto my back and away from their grasp, but I was still in plain view of everyone.

"Brother, how did you do it?" Fíli marveled.

"Like this," Kíli leaned forward, sliding his tongue from his brother's jaw to forehead.

His action started a war of its own, and the company was dying of laughter. Tears running out of a few of their eyes, while others clutched their stomachs.

"Axell," Thorin called in a questioning tone, I felt his eyes pierce my face from where I was laying. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." I stated absentmindedly, curious as to when Thorin decided to join.

"I dare you to stop hiding from us," He paused, encouraging my blood to start pounding. "and show us the scars you are so determined to hide."

I was frozen to the ground, wondering when he had figured it out. For those of you who think this is random, it's not. I truly have been hiding scars from the entire company. I've shed most of my clothing tonight, however I refused to roll up my sleeves; undo a single button; or roll up my pant legs. One might not think that it was such a big deal. But since most of the company have discarded shirts and have rolled breaches as high as the article allows, and I've failed to hide the fact I was about to collapse from heat. It has been fairly obvious. I was afraid one of them would figure it out, and tried my best to disregard the thought. Until now. As reluctant as I was, I knew this would strengthen my relationship with each person.

I could sense the lack of movement, and feel Kíli and Fíli both staring me down. Thankfully their attention shot to their uncle, but horror and fear could be felt radiating off the two.

"Scars?" Kíli panicked. "Why do you want to know?"

"Isn't that her business, Uncle?" Fíli whispered, trying to figure out what was happening.

"Trust me boys, it will help." He reasoned, a tone demanding they dropped the topic.

I sat up thinking about _how_ I would show them, without revealing certain parts of me that would be indecent and humiliating to show. I finally came to an agreement with myself, standing and making direct eye contact with Thorin. Although, I could sense the fearful watch of every other member. Concerned that he had offended me.

"I will be right back," I nodded, stalking off into the dark.

When I was determined that the company would not see anything, I examined the small amount of clothing I had left on; an old tunic and conservative leggings being all that was left. I mentally dug through my bag, remembering that I had extra pants. Sighing, I cut the legs of my 'elf-clothing' off, being sure that it reached my fingertips with my hands by my sides. As for my top, I removed it. Using the remains of my pant legs to secure the fabric I already had wrapped around my chest. I felt like an exposed nerve, and knew I would only feel more when back with my friends.

Hesitantly, I snuck back. Silently waiting to the side, hoping nobody would notice me. Sadly, things do not usually go my way. I was recognized almost instantly, being drug next to the fire by an impatient bundle of dwarfs. Thankfully they allowed me to sit, it was bad enough they were examining me as if their lives depended on it. Fourteen eyes bore into my scarred skin, and I feared I would peel open from the intensity alone.

I leapt when warm fingers traced a set of punctures near my stomach, moving around to my back to find nearly identical marks.

"They look like teeth marks," Fíli though aloud, calloused fingers following delicate skin.

Another hand followed a unmistakeable indentation over my left lung, knowing the cause.

"And this, an arrow wound." Kíli stated as his fingers lingered over the dip, knowing the damage it could have caused. "It should have killed you."

Until this point, the company had lost interest. Dwarfs know how bad an injury would be by the large scar it should leave behind, I held only faint scars. Nothing dire enough to deem worthy of worry. Yet the large wounds, aren't always the fatal wounds.

"What caused these?" Fíli was still obsessed with the jagged, tooth-punctured prints.

"Young, stray Warg." I shrugged, "If I remember correctly."

It was then that Kíli leaned across my lap, peering at the minor imperfections. Examining them the same way the other had, with a furious and loving gentleness.

I lost my thoughts to the many fingers following flawed skin, and lost my mind to what the phantom caressing had been whispering to my worries. I calmed, and I somehow knew this is what Thorin wanted; he wanted me to feel exposed, afraid, delicate, _broken_. Just to let me know that the ones around me cared. It may take them a moment to realize how fragile I was, but they would be there to help before I shattered.

I was shaken out of my wandering wonders by a new set of hands, mimicking the shadows the same way the younger ones had. Yet this pair held a different meaning behind them. The first two had been loving, afraid, and appeared to rekindle a piece of my heart; a part I had believed to be ruined. These fingers, however, had a much more demanding meaning. They required that I stayed calm, unchanging, relaxed. I refused to move after this hand roamed my patchy skin. His movement strike a nerve which ran through the group. Suddenly all hands were upon the imperfection known as my skin, grazing over old pains and faded memories; somehow forgiving them all.

Fingers followed all my discolorations, from the faintest to the harshest. From the puckered and raised, browned line which sliced over my collar bone; to the faint and even mark that vines around my ankles. Every mark between, or that seemed to be forgotten, had been acknowledged and noticed. They finished with a gentle sweep at the faint scar, which followed my cheekbone.

Old hands fled, and new hands roamed. Where many would have felt the need to run from the male hands on female skin, I would not. I had never felt more safe then in these moments.

Touches began to vanish and emotions began to spill, and yet the worst of the wounds had not been revealed.

Then, almost as if he could read my mind, the raven-haired's young, sad eyes captured my own. Forcing my body to feel defeat as he searched and scoured for the remaining scar, finding it within minutes.

The dwarfs had given me space by now, knowing the raised and riveted skin by memory from the amount of love they all had poured onto me. Yet, Kíli was determined to find the one that laid heavily. Which he did, _this was the dwarf that never missed a detail_. So it was not a surprise when his fingers raised over the slender sliver of uneven flesh, and that he had noticed it. It also had not surprised me when his finger followed as far as he could, dragging part of the wrappings downwards just enough to notice the old, angrily raised skin.

The one that sliced over the place of my heavily beating heart.

His eyes shot up to my own, his controlled slate straining to remain set. The hands which trembled, raised off of my chest and hovered above my own shaking hand. I was afraid I had broken him, seeing as how I have caused pain to the one dwarf who seemed to never shed a tear. The one who was too rambunctious and joyous to even be concerned at times. But here he was, spiteful tears escaping down his cheeks with angered eyes and a determined grip. His hate for who done it was eminent in the way he trembled, his body begging to be close to my own as I began to hide.

"Who did it to you?" He seethed, and I thought the company had looked afraid for a moment.

"I don't remember." I whispered, small and rare tears of my own beginning to fall as he pulled my shirt over my exposed flesh.

It pained me to see such a happy person torn down from their place amongst the clouds. I was happy that he was blissfully ignorant, and it was suddenly ruined for them all. As he forcedly calmed himself, his face buried into my shoulder. He had given up with my top when it came to replacing the few buttons that I had undone to remove the shirt.

"I'm sorry, thought you may have wanted that back on." He apologized.

"It's okay, I appreciated the gesture." I whispered.

"We will never ask you about a scar you have gained from your past, ever. But I think you need to tell a few of the others about that one." He mumbled, cradling me in his arms.

I managed to wiggle my way beside him, a close enough distance to be comforted while having a respectful distance between us. I could hear Thorin approach us, and could feel the eyes upon us three.

"Tell us," The leader gently coaxed.

I didn't say anything, just allowed myself to show a portion of the scar. The king seemed shaken, turning and pacing circles around his family. Thinking about everything that surfaced tonight.

"Your scars do not define you, you know this?" The leader asked, eyeing me carefully.

I nodded cautiously, unsure of where he was headed.

"Then you know we won't judge you for the scars you have." His words took a weight off my shoulders.

"You don't believe me to be broken?" I whispered, only loud enough to be heard by Kíli and Thorin.

Kíli gasped and held me so close to him, I was sure I was going to lose breath. Thorin wiped at my moist cheeks, shaking his head.

"No. Not broken, just a little bruised." Thorin gently thought.

Thinking to myself that maybe, just maybe, this company is exactly what I needed. If that's not a reason to smile, I don't know what is.

 


	21. Playful Ambush

Axell's POV:

Within the last month, most have deeply nerved one another. Causing fights about the pettiest things, trinkets, memories. I will admit I have been part of a few arguments, either drug in by two hostile men or trying to stop two or more from harming the other. I believe that I had only started one, maybe two, and it was because I had been overly offended. All of the company had been exposed to the ways of anger and annoyance. However, large groups travelling for long periods of time become vulnerable to each other quickly. Therefore, it wasn't a surprise when it did happen. _To be completely honest, I had been expecting it MUCH sooner._ We had managed to go ten months without hacking violently at each others throats, let the family spew off some steam and it will be mainly smooth sailing once again.

\----

Today was one of the rougher days. Every man that had a sibling, had managed to fight with his other or others with such anger that the entire company was silenced. The rain that had been falling earlier created a steam-like effect on each angered dwarf's shoulders. Thorin, although he didn't have any siblings on the trip, fought with nearly everyone. I thankfully, had not fought today. I hadn't the energy, nor the patience. I hung towards the back of the group, a silent and awkward Bilbo at my side. I was grateful for his company and silence, it anchored me to the small amount of peace that hid in the shadows.

An awkward and unusual movement had been heard, something unlike the mantra that had become a subconscious motion. I dared to glance forward, ready to drop my gaze as to not antagonize anyone. My eyes landed upon an unmoving Kíli, an emotional and motionless, distant gaze settled onto his handsome face. The group passed by him, still unwilling to talk about anything or anyone. Bilbo and I reached his side, and I couldn't help but stop. Bilbo shuffled ahead a short distance, cautiously glancing behind him when he failed to hear our footsteps.

I raised my hands, worn and experienced, to him. One to his shoulder, the other to his chin. I wanted him to look at me, to see the gentleness that I had for his state. To see my carefully treading heart.

\-------------  
Kíli's POV:

As I trailed to a stop, I thought to myself about what had been said to me. My brother's words had hurt. He had never spoken at me with such a heavy and harsh level of hate, and I couldn't help but feel my joy running into the ground and out of my reach. I could feel the anger slapping at me as each angry dwarf stomped past, however it was the slow and graceful movements that caught my attention. It was the hand that hit my shoulder that pulled me from my thoughts, the slender fingers grazing over my heavy jacket. But it was the hand at my chin to which I listened to, the soft skin raising my eyes to hers.

Her eyes were not as fierce or excited as the men, they were calm and almost sorrowful. The ocean hue appeared to be warm in contrast to my brother's frosty hues, the storm in my leather mimicking ones calming. When she realized my attention was fully directed upon her, her eyes glowed. A happiness unconquerable shown in the way they shone in the rays of the sun, a glitter surrounding the waves she controlled.

Her touch was soothing, sparking the happiness back into my worn out body. I smiled at her as much as I could manage, grasping the back of her head in my large, thick hands. Pulling her forehead to my own, a huge affectionate gesture in dwarf language. I placed a quick kiss to her forehead before pulling her back into line, noticing the slight look of confusion on her face; If what she had said about her family had been true, then the affectionate displays of the dwarf race where new to her.

I glanced up from the amusing woman, noticing that innocent, little Bilbo had been waiting for the both of us. I flashed him a relieved, happy smile, his face mimicking the same expression as mine. In response, I threw my free arm over him, pulling him along. I could feel everything that had blown up my heart; caging everything positive and releasing all the bitter and spiteful emotions; pulling apart the bars. I knew that these two were unique, the bonds holding the odd and dysfunctional family together.

\------------------  
Axell's POV:

His actions signalled to me that we were reaching the end of evil's tongue and anger's era. I couldn't help but feeling relived, a smile stretching across my face to rival the ones on the men at my right. We walked in step, arms around each other, attempting to keep our smirks and chuckles to ourselves. Although, by the time we had finally had all of our pent up energy out, we had about half of the company trying to not smile at our failed attempts.

I felt an arm snaking around my waist, pulling me from under Kíli. I shot my attention to the heavily coated owner, seeing none other that Fíli. His eyes fought deeply with my own, until I understood his actions. My feet sped ahead, and I nodded at Bilbo to keep up with my pace. Which he rushed to do, I respected him in that sense; he was an entirely respectable hobbit.

About half an hour later both the brothers leapt onto us two, forcing us both to the ground. The four of us lost ourselves to fits of laughter, and wrestling. It caught the company's attention like a hound on a blood trail, dragging them to force their eyes onto us. Who were covered in dirt and grass stains. I heard most of the group chuckle at our playful actions, few grumbling. Upon noticing the company's eyes, we leapt up and brushed ourselves off. Smiling at the happy faces we had slapped on most of them.

\----Time Skip----

We'd been walking for about another hour, the four of us hooligans listening to the joyful chatter of a large majority of the company. We all made a mental note of those who weren't, deciding that we would do something about it later. I was enjoying some of the hottest rays of the sun, until I felt the bump of two dwarf shoulders against my slim figure.

"Axell," Fíli started, eyeing me like I was something dangerous; nerving me deeply. "Remember when we asked if you would join us in our...mischievous activities?"

I knew immediately what they were talking about, and I could not stop the grin that stretched across my skin. _I have been waiting for this._ Waiting to prove that I was exactly what Thorin feared, another Kíli.

"What do you guys have in mind?" My lips curled in a troublesome matter, excited for the fun.

"Well, I don't know about you," Kíli whispered into my ear, sending shivers up my spine as the warm breath brushed against my cool skin; he noticed that detail, being sure to repeat himself. "but my brother and I always had fun when mud was nearby."

He nodded to a nearby riverbank, where mud was caked at the spot water met land. I got the idea immediately, sneaking over with the boys. Leaving Bilbo to continue walking on, oblivious. The three of us were up to our elbows in mud, grabbing as much of it as we could. With just our luck, Thorin had stopped the group to discuss camp with a couple of the complaining elders. Fíli made a notion to his brother, something I was completely unable to decipher. Kíli then stalked up behind me, a motion that I was only slightly wary of.

"We are going to ambush the company," He slipped around me, slyly slipping into the poor excuse of a treeline.

I followed along the awkward riverbank in the opposite direction, a place where ammunition would be plentiful and I could easily go unseen from where the company stood. I waited, knowing that it would be safer if one of the others threw first. _I'm a patient person, I can wait, unlike the troublesome duo._ I knew what their signal would been the moment it appeared.

"Where's Kíli and Fíli?" Bofur wondered aloud, causing the entire company to swing around in curiousity.

"Axell's gone too," It surprised me that Dwalin was one of the first to notice.

"They were just behind me." Bilbo stated, confusion laced into his voice.

There was a pause from the group, realizing in horror that we were left to defend the end.

"You don't think..." Dwalin trailed off, almost a fearful tone to him.

Thorin started desperately searching around for any sign of us, knowing that we are the most likely to cause trouble. I knew his eyes would land upon the imprinted mud, and judging by the way he spoke it was near instant.

"Get out of the open!" Thorin hollered, frightening most of the company; seeing as how there was next to nothing for coverage.

With those words spoken, the brothers threw their handfuls. The muck soaring through the air, being diced by the force and splattering onto multiple company members. I threw mine when I noticed the thick, brown goo being tossed inelegantly through the midday sky. My armloads having the same affect as the others. The process continued, and the fearful and mildly humored shouts of the company echoed for many to hear. By the time the company rallied for revenge, each member was completely browned by the ammunition. Aside from the odd warrior, smart to the ways of an ambush.

I was too occupied to realize that I was in complete view and attacking distance when the company started closing in on the muddy riverside, it took a mad dash from my part to dart out of firing range. I bolted further away from the company and my fellow attackers when I knew they spotted me, in attempts to drag them and their attention away from catching the siblings.

As I ran further east down the bank, my feet got caught in the thick liquid. Slowing me down effectively, and I feared for my well being. Struggling to get myself free, they closed in.

One would have thought that the lighter would be carried across the mud with ease, but it seems that I failed to realize that I was too far from the rivers edge. That was where the mud was thickest.

Not only was I stuck, I was also allowing the group to think that I was theirs. Giving my partners the needed time to pull off another plan.

When the first dwarf struck, my entire body was forced forwards at a tremendous rate. It was slightly terrifying, but I was squealing and laughing far too hard to notice. Mud was rained upon me, the only parts of my face that could be seen were my eyes and lips. My stomach hurt at the sheer play of the whole ordeal and judging by the way nearly each company member was laughing at the same rate I was, my mission had been accomplished. My body gave up and I relished in the laughter, the joy, and the beauty that glowed through the surrounding air; a golden fog seeming to come from the group.

I sat up eventually, trying to regain the much needed oxygen. My knees and shins collided with the lukewarm freshwater, licking at me invitingly. I felt a soft splash of water tickle my cheeks as someone managed to catch my attention.

Brown eyes claimed my own, the joyful gold sunbeams misting over them. I could not be more appreciative for him and his brother, I had never felt such a large amount of joy or belonging in all my life; both from the boys and the rest of the company. The warm breath of the brunet fanned across my face, pulling me out of my daydreaming.

"Come on muddy girl," His smile gleamed with happiness. "we are traveling upriver until we find the driest spot manageable. We all need a good cleaning now."

Kíli helped me to my feet like the gentleman he was, guiding me along with the rough housing, giddy, excited dwarfs. It wasn't until the leader called me to the front that I was forced to be serious, I rocketed through the crowd as quick as I could manage. Once his eyes rested upon my dirtied face did he settle, a chuckle gracing his features.

"It was expected that an act like that would come from my nephews, awaited even." He started, his clothes positively the cleanest aside from Bilbo; Thorin's face looking polished compared to my own. "Seeing you joining in on their actions was a surprise, although it was much enjoyed. Thank you."

"If anything I should be asking for an apology," I responded, vaguely stunned at Thorin's accepting attitude towards my involvement. "My actions were poorly timed."

"Your actions medicated the sour minds spoiling this journey. And honestly, we both know how the day would have gone if you hadn't been part of the event." Thorin looked back at his radiating family, a smile gracing his face larger than any I had seen before.

I left the conversation at that, and he patted me on the shoulder in affection. _If they all continue the affectionate displays, I'm going to need someone to translate. I am much more than lost then what is believed_. A grin slapped itself on to my covered face, the scar over my cheekbone being completely hidden; hiding my insecurities and allowing me to relax for a moment around the men.

When Thorin became quiet he allowed my mind to search over each member of the company, and not one had a rotten mood hidden beneath the surface.

It took about half an hour to find a dry part of the riverbed, and by then the river had widen. The guys started getting louder, and shirts begun disappearing; my blood ran cold. I hope they didn't expect for me to bathe with them. To my relief, the men kept their trousers on at Thorin's order. The only concern of my own, would be the distance needed go to change my leggings to my short pants.

I only needed to slug a small length away, seeing as how the treeline nearby had thickened. My pants were changed quickly and I tugged my shirt over my head; I have been wearing my wraps underneath my shirt lately, seeing as how it has been too hot for the corset; I hadn't bothered placing the garments in my bag, they required a good wash. Finally, I yanked my boots on temporarily, just so I could walk over the stones to the dirt the river lisped at.

I silently trudged over to the cool river's edge, toeing my footwear off easily. Now with the dirtied leather off, I allowed my warm skin to relieve itself in the frosty liquid. I sliced through the clear blue water, making my way towards the loud and oblivious group. I halted when the water scratched at my stomach, my body screaming at the sudden temperature change. In attempts to adapt to the cold, I occupied myself with cleaning, hoping that it wouldn't be a failed effort. When I finished I balled up the fabric, tossing it towards the solid ground. I was more than grateful when my soaked wardrobe plunked onto the rock bed, knowing that it would need the dirt shaken from them.

Most of the dwarfs were gleefully attacking one another, trying to prove which was the strongest. Honestly, I believe that no orc, goblin, or human would stand a chance against any of these gentlemen. Those who weren't part of the horseplay innocently gazed on, chatting amongst themselves as they scrubbed themselves clean. I dragged forward to join them, knowing that it would be improper and humiliating to wrestle in my risky rags.

My ears radiated at the sound of laughter; my skin tingled at the playful shoves, pokes, and prods; my eyes gleamed at each brother hugging out their problems; and my heart ached for the love that filled the air. Never have I felt so involved and accepted, it was a new feeling. It was a welcomed feeling.

 


	22. Twitchy

Misty Mountains  
Axell's POV:

It's been eleven months into this trip. Eleven months with these boys, and I am next to positive that it is the end of the road for me.

Thunder boomed and rolled overhead, lightning cracking from all sides. The white light spearing into the rock above, sending the remains crumbling towards us. The wind howled, ripping our words away and playing with them. The strength of the invisible waves nearly drug us of the cliff's edge multiple times. It was apparent that survival would not be a tasked pulled off by many if we continued on this path.

"Hey! Hold on!" Thorin hollered in desperation, fearful for each part of his odd family.

Each one on this ledge had not a problem with his demands, none wanting to have the fate of falling to the bottomless gully below. Almost instantly with Thorin's words, Bilbo slips while attempting to clutch the roughly patterned wall at his side.

"BILBO!" Dwalin shout in fear, watching his friend nearly fall to his death.

Had the man not shot his arm out with the amazing reflexes he had, Bilbo would not have been alive long enough to let the terrified hollers past his lips. Fear engulfed the Hobbit's face, Dwalin and Bofur quick to pull him back to the side of the mountain when they knew their grips would fail soon. Everyone surrounding the three screamed and shout in fear and relief during the entire ordeal.

"We must find shelter!" Thorin's words had not been lost in the wind that time, and he knew without spinning around that every person behind him agreed.

I clung to the stone at my side, knowing that if my grip tightened my palm would be pooling with blood. I knew that I had two arms around me, although my corset clung to my wet fabric and skin, making it much harder to keep a good grip on me. Kíli's lively hollers were behind me, while Dòri clung to my arm ahead of me.

"Look out!" Dwalin suddenly bellowed, staring out into the distant and dark sky.

Lively, fearful noises were emitted from everyone at the sight of the odd object cutting through the air. The boulder collided with the rock wall above our heads, falling close to Dwalin and poor, inexperienced Bilbo. The ledge in while they stood crumbled away, not allowing a good surface for foot placement. Dwalin clutched to Bilbo's overcoat, knowing that he was the only thing able to save him if the rock were to give out. Thankfully it didn't, but Dwalin's grip hadn't relaxed.

"Look out, brother!" Glóin had hollered behind him, upon seeing a couple stray rocks battering their way to said sibling's location.

"Hold on!" Kíli had cried to the people around him, frightful of all the strange happenings around him.

"This is no thunderstorm. It's a thunder-battle!" Balin's wise voice carried to us all, pointing to the moving stone in the distance. "Look!"

"Well, bless me. The legends are true. Giants! Stone-Giants!" Bofur shout in amazement, watching the creatures fight all while standing far too close to the edge.

"Take cover, you fool!" Thorin bellowed, watching his nephew drag back the clueless man.

"Hold on!" Dwalin attempts to holler over the storm, still clutching desperately onto a paralyzed looking Bilbo.

The rock we stood upon started to sway and crack. I was belligerent and dormant to why or what had made it crack, only caring that the group was starting to break apart. That my family was being forced to split up.

"What's happening?" Kíli asked, obviously afraid of the odd magic that dwelled in the stone.

"Grab my hand." Fíli desperately cried, but by then it was too late.

Screams, hollers, and shouts clearly rung as the remaining dwarfs clutched the leg of the giant for dear life. My grasp dug into the slick rock behind me, my skin and flesh dragging harshly with each rough movement of the creature beneath my feet. I knew that my hand, if not both, was going to be covered in blood due to the jagged edges and the unrelenting movements. I knew we all had begun to think that we would not be seeing the light of day again, until the lurch of the cursed stone meeting boring stone tossed all aboard to the wet mineral. Hope was sparked again, all struggling in panic to get off the incompetent beast.

"Go, go, go!" Thorin rushed, needing his group to get off as soon as manageable.

"Run! Get off! Get off!" Balin quipped, obviously wanting the same safety ensured as Thorin.

Not that I blame either of them. I feared stronger than ever before, staring out into our surroundings. Lightning lighted the sky, rain poured down, and thunder rolled louder than the sound of rock hitting rock as the Stone Giants fought to the death. It pained us to know that half of the company was still trapped on a battlefield they had no chance of surviving.

"Look out!" Dòri hollered in fear, dropping to his stomach as a Giant's fist came flying towards our location.

To say we mimicked his actions would be an understatement. Manly shouts rang through my head as I managed to stay silent, I knew that I would only drain my energy if I screamed. Then I would be of no help or use.

Terror filled screams came from ahead of us, and stone supporting a large majority of our family swung past. The sight and sounds nerved every part of my body, forcing me to leap up in horror. I froze in fear when the body changed direction suddenly, dropping down and impacting heavily. I was stunned when the stone body collapsed against the mountainside, but I ran nonetheless when it came away blank. I could only hear Thorin's and Glóin's calls from ahead as we all pushed on.

"No! No!" Thorin desperately ran. "No! Fíli!"

I heard nothing come from Thorin as he stood solid, emotions pouring at whatever he was seeing. Those stuck behind him panicked, not able to see or hear what was happening ahead of our leader. Thankfully Glóin put all of our fearful souls to rest.

"It's alright! They're alive!" Glóin exclaimed over the wind in relief.

We all laughed and chuckled as a form of relief, something that lightened our hearts even if only for but a moment. Until Bofur's frantic voice miraculously echoed in the storm, causing all of our hearts to stop for a brief moment.

"Where's Bilbo? Where's the Hobbit?" Bofur spun around from where he sat, obviously frightened for the poor creature's fate. "There!"

As much as I wanted to rush to Bilbo's aid, I had no window of opportunity. Half a dozen dwarfs lied between the smallest of the company and myself, and I growled at the thought of my inability to help. Thorin's words were nearly lost in the wind as Bofur dove towards the struggling Hobbit, his eyes widening in alarm when his friend's hands slipped further down the edge.

"Get him!" Thorin ordered, horrified that he may have been the one to lead the innocent creature to his peril.

"Grab my hand!" Òri begged, fear ignited at his buddy's horror stricken eyes.

"Bilbo!" Trepidation obvious in Bofur's continuously lightening expression.

"Òri, be careful!" Dòri cried to his younger, afraid of the potentially same fate as Bilbo.

"Take it!" Òri begun to panic, stretching out further for his endangered friend.

Through their hollers, my ears detected the worried voices of our toughest warriors. The taller of the two willing to do anything for the older.

"I've got you lad." Dwalin ensured, Thorin satisfied with the words of his best friend.

With that, Thorin found a foothold amongst the moist stone that Bilbo dreadfully hung from. The brave leader hoisted the Hobbit up to the awaiting arms of the relieved dwarfs.

"Grab on!" Òri sighed as he grasped Bilbo, encouraging him to return the hold. "Grab on!"

He hadn't hesitated to obey the young dwarf, distinguished whatever clothing he could grip in his mitts. It appeared to take little effort to drag small Bilbo back onto the indecisive mountainside; I say indecisive because it is neither safe nor unsafe.

When Thorin knew that the burglar was settled upon solid ground, he began to crawl upwards. Although, not even The King Under the Mountain was impervious to wet rock, slipping just the same as Bilbo had before we discovered the magic in the mountains. The rescuer had been saved the seemingly two most important people in one day, Dwalin must be exhausted. I have to give it to the man, he had amazing reflexes for his kind. His arm had shot out faster than ever before, grasping the wrist of the most important person in this company. Dwalin hesitated not, yanking Thorin up as far as his arms could manage.

"Come on. Get him." Dwalin struggled, trying to keep himself from dropping Thorin and preventing both of their deaths.

"Come on, lad. Up you get." Glóin's voice rung as he hurried to aid the hardened men.

All seated on the stone finally allowed breath to penetrate our lungs, knowing that you death has not won yet.

"I thought we'd lost our burglar." Dwalin admitted, comforted by all those panting around him.

"He's been lost ever since he left home." Thorin grumbled, obviously blaming Bilbo for his near-death experience; although, it was never his fault. "He should never have come. He has no place amongst us."

The leader stomped over to what appeared to be a cave entrance, much to my horror.

"Dwalin!" Thorin summoned his friend, knowing that team man has just as loyal as he was brutally honest.

"It looks safe enough." Dwalin's voice echoed, although it was difficult to hear over the cracking of blue and white in the air.

"...seldom unoccupied." Thorin's voice was cut off, but he was correct if he was talking about caves; especially in the Misty Mountains.

Thorin revealed himself again, the rain pelting him in the face. Causing his face to screw up in displeasure.

"Hey. In here, keep dry." He bellowed at us, a command we could all easily follow.

Most dwarfs immediately settled down, trying to get comfortable in the small area, which was heating up quickly due to the body heat. Dwalin searched to find the back of the cave nearby, a lantern oddly undying in the cold, windy loop.

"There's nothing here." Dwalin announced, alerting every tired soul that we no longer moving. I would have preferred to be out in the darkness of the storm.

"Thorin," I beckoned, catching his attention efficiently. "are we to wait in this cave until Gandalf regroups?"

"That was the plan." Thorin eyed me cautiously, knowing that I do not question without reason. "Why do you concern yourself?"

"These mountains are scarcely vacant, it would be wiser to continue on." Anxiously, I awaited his response.

He pondered on my words, attempting to read my clear slate. Not an inch of my body gave him an answer to his wonders. He nodded as he thought, absentmindedly agreeing with my ways.

"Alright. We will have it your way." He quietly pledged, an exception on the end of his tongue. "But these dwarfs will not be as willing to listen, give them a night's rest."

"A leader is one who knows the way," I stated, proving to him that I was inferior to his decisions; to which he quirked his eyebrow to. "whatever you say goes. Thank you for listening."

I gave the man room to breathe, knowing that I could not press the situation any further. I bargained as much as possible out of him, and I have dealt with less.

"Right, then. Let's get a fire started." Glóin excitedly blared, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

"No. No fires. Not in this place." Thorin murmured to Glóin, soon switching his attention to the company. "Get some sleep. We start at first light."

"We were to wait in the mountains until Gandalf joined us..." Balin argued, unknowing of the agreement I had just set in place. "That was the plan."

_Sorry Balin, but it is for the best._

"Plans change." Thorin explained simply to Balin, before his attention switched to Bofur. "Bofur, take the first watch."

The man did not look pleased, but it was to be expected after saving lives and nearly dying. However, he had not complained; these men never failed to amaze me with their loyalty.

I stood for a moment, my clothes slopping water. A pool had begun to form at my feet, although I had been standing still for what felt like only a few short seconds. I was too deep in thought to realize how long I was truly standing there, not until someone vocally called upon me.

"Axell, you've got to be uncomfortable." Fíli's voice rung throughout the stone room, nocking me out of my trance.

My face must have been the same as my thoughts, pure confusion.

"You're sopping wet," He explained further at my expression.

I gaze down, noticing my volatile trembling; my nearly sheer shirt; my uncomfortably wet leather and corset; and just about every other part of my wardrobe was soaked to the core. I sighed in response, knowing that these were my only long pair of pants left; I cut the other pair up.

"Do you have clothes to change out of?" Kíli wondered, beginning to rush to my aid.

"I have my short pants," I admitted, although I knew I would be cold. "and another shirt. That's be all."

"You'll freeze." Dwalin stated, overhearing our conversation.

"Aye, take these." Bofur suddenly quipped, tossing a pair of trousers into my arms.

I was momentarily stunned, quickly moving once I had allowed myself to feel the ice under my skin.

I needed to place the dry pants and soon found a dwarf awaiting the extra task. I handed them off, smiling at the black haired archer. Now with my hands free, I was able to remove my dripping corset. The binds taking much longer to loosen, stiff and cold from the weather. It eventually came off, and I bent over to toss it in an empty pounce of my bag. I bit my lip in thought, hoping that my wet clothing did not soak through to my dry clothing. I removed my damp vambrace, arm guard, and the other leather that I had used to make my clothing as weather resistant as possible; the items soon finding the resting place of my other garments.

The only thing I had left on the upper most of my body was the wet shirt, and my chest wraps. The ladder would need to be removed, but the other did not feel as moist. If anything, a little body heat would dry the fabric.

As I grasped the hem of the green fabric, the body waiting nearby came close. It demanded my attention, and I curiously glanced up.

"Take this," Kíli offered another shirt, probably one of his own; the fabric was thick and welcomingly soft. "It will keep you much warmer than the terrible excuse for clothing the Elves gave you."

I glimpsed at the grey fabric, then back to the caring dwarf.

"Thank you," I was genuinely grateful, but I could not take the clothing. "But I have another shirt."

"Is it of the same fabric as the last one?" He smirked, pushing the fabric closer to my shaking body.

I didn't need anyone to tell me that he wouldn't drop the subject, until he got what he wanted at the least. So I stopped arguing, pulling my shirt off and trading it for the one held towards me. He took the liberty of ringing the shirt out, for what reason I'm unsure. Kíli placed the fabric in the pocket, his attention astounded me at times.

I began to settle myself in beside some of the warmer bodies, being sure that I had no eyes on me before I swapped over to the dry pants. It was a comfort knowing that anything I needed would be provided, I hadn't asked for anything but I was given it all.

\----

Warmth came from all directions, a temptation to allow sleep through the barrier. I had to fight it, sleep was my enemy in places like this. But those keeping me from harm were anything but a hostile force. Their bodies provided comfort while I struggled to forget my past.

An arm belonging to the charcoal and wild haired Durin stretched around my waist, tightened in his deep slumber. His front was nearly pressed up against my back, steady breaths brushing against my neck and ear. While the hand of, who I considered to be, my blond brother sat under my head. His fingers intwined deep in my hair, rubbing the soft spot behind my ear unknowingly. Fíli subconsciously gripping at me did not keep him from sprawling out on the stone beneath him, his other limbs claiming the bodies of other sleeping dwarfs. I found it odd that these two always needed to be close to another body. As if the day the younger was born, the two became inseparable. The thought, as unlikely as it may have been, made some sense to my overly tired mind.

The soundless dwarfs all signalled exactly how exhausted everyone had been, and I am not immune to the ways of sleep. Not entirely anyway.

 


	23. Troubled Times

Mountain Pass  
Axell's POV:

It was the shifting within the aggravating grains and chilling stone that had my body jolting to life. A slight and unnoticeable movement, yet the alarms continued to sound. I have never trusted the Misty Mountains as little as I do, my distortion conceived during my last journey.

Mumbling entered my ears, and it registered at a frightenly rapid pace in which Bilbo and Bofur had been the ones speaking. In any other situation I would have eavesdropped, but I could not bring myself to listen.

The bodies have moved a minimal amount since I was last awake, and any movement on my part caused them to curl into my body further. How I was able to squirm out of their firm holds without waking them, was beyond my level of comprehension.

I allowed my body to prowl along the dry surface beneath, in hopes of seeing the room fully. I watched the floor with such an intensity that my eyes burned, while my body subconsciously clung to my swords with a passionate desperation. My line of sight travelled the room, finally landing on an aware Thorin. The knowledge that he had been watching me deeply nerved me.

I tossed my head to rid my mind of the loss of focus, and noticed the small grains of sand shifting with a tremendous speed. I immediately regained eye contact, a shaken and fearful glint misting over them. Thorin looked at me curiously but glanced at the place on the floor by his feet, the spot I so drastically watched. The silent groaning of metal filled the sleeping room, echoing similar to a horn in a cavern. He looked back to me in horror, his focus changing drastically when he noticed the floor starting to crack open. I clung to my swords tightly, Thorin proceeding to yell everyone awake.

"Wake up!" The fear and shock was the first thing the dwarfs would have noticed, seeing as how they all stirred immediately. "Wake up!"

The dwarfs only got the opportunity to sit up, at the most, before the cave floor fell out beneath us. I fell willingly, knowing that I wouldn't have a fighting chance. When I landed upon the dwarfs, I only found more to be landing upon me. We were drug off harshly by Goblins next to immediately. Although, they could not rip my swords from my hands without receiving a wound.

I refused to speak, unlike my companions. Fear controlled me, causing me to be paranoid that my voice would be recognized by some of the more unrelenting Goblins.

"Get away!" Dòri yelled in terror, surprised to be awaken to this.

Although, I did not blame him. I was not wanting any of these foul goons to lay a hand upon anyone.

"Filthy scum!" Glóin, the more angered and insult-ready dwarf supplied.

The statement was not false; the creatures were covered in saliva, mucus, and other bodily fluids. None of which from only their own carcass.

"Get back!" Dwalin, the one who dislikes to be touched; unarmed; or told what to do; ravaged.

He was bound to snap at them worse. If I learned anything within nearly a year, it would be that Dwalin doesn't answer to anyone. Nor does he listen to anyone. I could only imagine the pain he must be experiencing.

"You'll pay for this!" Glóin spat in disgust at the endless brigade surrounding him.

"Alright, alright. Don't push." Dòri was a quick thinker, and he knew when he's lost all control of the situation.

I was counting the seconds now, it was either going to be Dwalin or Thorin that went off next. But judging by the fact that ALL of the burliest dwarfs weapons have disappeared, Dwalin was the most likely to spit fire. I was quick to think, I knew all of our weapons were not misplaced. Fíli was a walking armory, the Goblins are not able to outwit the dwarf. They will not find near half of his weapons, nor will they find some of mine.

"Get off! Get your hands off me! Get off me!" Dwalin's fists of fury began flying, a number of the company having to duck away from the pissed man.

_What did I tell ya?_

"Get off me!" Nòri spat, and judging by the way he had gotten suddenly quiet, he had noticed something with those keen eyes of his.

Do not believe for a moment that these four were the only ones yelling, each dwarf was. It was just these four that happened to be the loudest.

Drums thudded in the distance, the noise so vulgur and hateful that it echoed throughout our dwarf skulls. It was during this that I felt a slight amount of envy towards Óin, the poor dwarf will not be able to hear a large amount for some time. Which he may be thankful for at this moment, seeing as how most of us were covering our ears in vain.

We reached our destination, being drug from plank to plank, bridge to bridge, and landing to landing. It was an amazement that we all reached the place the throne sat alive; in Goblin-town you never really know what to call places.

I heard the revoltingly familiar voice call out to his people.

"Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom?" He growled, ending with a questioning shriek. "Spies, thieves, assassins?!"

"Dwarves, your malevolence." A high-pitched goblin answered.

"Dwarves?" The King inquired.

"We found 'em on the Front Porch." The high-pitched one replied instantly.

"Well don't just stand there! Search them! Every crack! Every crevice!" The ruler bellowed.

I felt grungy hands on me instantly, feeling over almost every part of my body. I shut my eyes to avoid two things. One, to concentrate on anything other than where they were placing their hands. Two, I was trying to block out all of the returning memories.

My breath was beginning to shake as I reopened my eyes. The sight before me was still as ghastly as before, despite the years it has been. The sight made me shutter, notifying those around me. I got concerned looks from most of the company around me. Thankfully they attempted to make it as brief as physically possible, the feeling of eyes on me starting to make my skin crawl. I was going to keel over from nausea.

"What are you doing in these parts?" The King spat. "Speak!"

Silence followed.

"Very well. If they will not talk, then we'll make them squawk! Bring up the mangler! Bring up the bone-breaker! Start with the youngest!" The Goblin King demanded, pointing at a terrified looking Òri.

That is when he saw me, his eyes running over my features. Determining that what he was seeing was not an apparition, and in fact very real. My sea blue eyes had to have been the main reason he had noticed my presence, too startling in the firelight to go unnoticed. My trembling was only visible to the eyes sharp enough to see it, which were thankfully not the Goblins. The memories my brain was conjuring up were torture alone, I did not need harassment from them. I could feel every eye of the odd family around me analyzing my every move, shaking me to my core.

"Well, well. You have a lot of nerve coming here again." The King started drooling before it morphed to a disgusted scowl, his voice exiting his throat as a hateful growl. "Especially with the failure you're known as recently. Killer! You must be a true idiot to come back to a place where you failed to kill a King."

I felt hands grip onto my upper arms and toss me roughly away from the group. Dragging me forward with an angered force, hard enough to scrape my boots across the wooden platform beneath us. I fought to get my feet beneath me, my boots catching the uneven boards only to be yanked roughly from the position.

The air in my lungs struggled to escape, as did any air that tried to enter. He looked in the eyes, and I felt my body trying to curl into itself. Hate, mockery, and death, were clearly visible in the voids. I squirmed vulnerably only a small amount, trying to hide my fear. Trying to fight back. I shivered as he continued his words, his whisper frighteningly loud.

"Do you remember what your stay was like last time? Do you remember the blades that pierced your skin? And the ropes that tore at your throat?" He hissed deeply, enjoying the fear I attempted to hide; enjoying his show. "That will seem like a dream compared to what I am going to let them do to you now...Assassin!"

"Take her to the The Wrangler! The Striper! The Slayer!" He laughed manically to his servants and slaves, halting for a brief moment to think through his plan.

His attention turned to his audience, a twisted smirk slapped across his features.

"What say you?!" He roared, and his people answered.

_Wrangler,_

_Striper,_

_Slayer,_

_Cannibal..._

_Cannibal,_

_Cannibal._

"Give the people what they want. Take her to The Cannibal. Only, do not let death come upon her, that would be far too sparing for her kind." The King scowled, spitting in my direction.

I was pushed and shoved repeatedly down a recognizable path, just able to hear Thorin's booming voice as I was taken into the depths of Goblin-Town.

I immediately knew that the company would not be seeing me again, I knew what was to come. I knew how this would end. At least I had something that resembled a family before my number was done.

\------  
Goblin-Town  
Thorin's POV:

"WAIT!" I boomed. "What is to become of the girl?"

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror...King Under the Mountain!" The King bowed mockingly. "Oh. But I'm forgetting, you don't have a mountain! Which makes you nobody, really!"

He chuckled in a high pitched tone, the other Goblins mimicked his action.

"The girl will get what she deserves. No point in worrying about her anymore." The Goblin King sneered in anger, his hideous face lightening for a brief moment to consider a possible challenge. "But if you don't know who she is, I guess there isn't real harm in explaining. I always enjoy telling...tales."

His face was heavy with a putrid and dire hate. A look I had not held on my own, not even for the foulest of enemies. I worried for our young warrior, unknowing of the troubles she could be facing alone. I attempted to face down his look of interest, an expression of boredome and anarchy covering my real fears. Although, as tempted as I was to fraud my emotions and steel my heart, I knew that the king of the goblin ranks had already seen past my fakement.

"That young girl works - or rather, worked - for Thranduil of the Woodland Realm. The very Elven King that betrayed you, if I am not mistaken. When she failed to kill me, she had escaped and returned to her home to find that Thranduil had been waiting for her arrival. She was left next to dead. It must have been difficult to survive the wrath of the minipulative, cunning Elven King. But the task would not have been, in any way, forgiving...Sorrowfully for her, I am not as forgiving."

Cackling filled the menacing area. Silence took over the caves next as the goblin king looked at me skeptically.

"I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head..."

\------  
Goblin-Town  
Axell's POV:

I was strapped onto a large post, meant to keep the largest and strongest of enemies from escaping. I could feel the slimy and grimy hands pull my shirt over my head as my back was shown bare to The Cannibal. I had been in this room once, but I had managed to escape before any damage could be done. I had some small and faint scars from other methods the goblins had once used on me. But I knew this would not leave a small scar.

I heard a wretched voice slur about how clean his slate was. Regretfully, I need to improve my Black Speech; or attempt to douse the adrenaline moving through me.

There was no noise as multiple strips of thick leather sliced through my body. An intense and searing pain shot throughout my back and I couldn't help but let out a howl of agony as the hard hide finished it's first blow.

\------  
Goblin-Town  
Kíli's POV:

The Goblin King turned to a smaller of his kind, the odd creature sitting on a bucket, hanging from a strange array of lines and chords.

"Send word to the Pale Orc, tell him that I have found his prize." The Goblin leader rushed.

A pain filled scream pierced through the caves as we all stood there, knowing exactly who it belonged to. All the Goblins cackled, the noise sounding more evil as it echoed.

"That's why you don't try to assassinate the Goblin King!" The Goblin Ruler's chuckle sounded deep and deranged as it ran through the caves and tunnels.

Then he began to leap, dance, and sing in enjoyment for what seemed like eternity. We were demanded to be thoroughly searched only moments after, for the third time within the hour. But upon finding the Goblin-Cleaver, an endless amount of Goblins pounced on us as the King howled in fear.

"I know that sword! It is the Goblin-cleaver!" Whips came at the group from all directions, and a fire fueled within me at the thought of Axell; and what they must be doing to her. "The Biter, the blade that sliced a thousand necks. Slash them! Beat them!"

The leather hitting our clothing stung immensely, and I knew that all of us would be covered in welts.

"Kill them! Kill them all!" The King bellowed, and I feared that we may truly be killed before reaching the mountain. "Cut off his head!"

Suddenly a bright white light filled the area, forcing everybody to the floor or against the nearest object. After what seemed like centuries the candles relit, revealing a seemingly calm Gandalf.

"Take up arms. Fight." He commanded, and we didn't hesitate for a second. "Fight!"

"He wields the Foe-hammer! The Beater! Brightest daylight!" To say the howling of the fat creature was annoying would be an understatement like no other.

\------  
Goblin-Town  
Axell's POV:

I could hear the goblins in the room cackling at the sound of my pain. I only had a moment to breathe before the weapon ran through exactly were it had been moments before, immense burning spreading throughout my flesh and spine. The world seemed to be in hyperdrive as my heart pulsed blood through my veins with overly large booms, every cackle or movement in the room magnified beyond ear shattering volume.

Over and over this torture proceeded, every strike seeming more painful than the last. I could feel the depth of the wounds in my back, as if he were trying to dig his way to my spine. My new lacerations were so deep and ragingly angry that I could feel my pulse pounding within them. The blood slowly trickled out and left streams of stains as it ran down my back. I felt my binds being pulled at as I was turned around to face my shredder.

My vision faded in and out, sometimes showing me colored shadows and sometimes actual faces. The Cannibal stared down at my comatose form with cold, grey, bloodthirsty eyes. For a split moment of a second I thought I saw his skin flinch and crawl with twisted pleasure as he watched me bleed and struggle. I could not bring myself to care for the attacker anymore, my eyes were blinded by pain and fear.

I felt a foul kick to the stomach drive my back deeper into the rough and thick post, causing my back to feel as if it were aflame over the agonizing pain it already caused me. A strangled cry of agony was forced passed my lips as I gasped and hyperventilated for air I couldn't reach. I could feel the emptiness in my stomach rise up in my body, and the little amount of water and stomach fluids came up. Before I could fight to keep it down another drive to the stomach was dealt, causing me to vomit beside myself.

I sat before The Cannibal without my top, leaving me in my dirtied trousers, and boots, along with any other clothing beneath those, but it didn't bother me anymore. My mind was too busy concentrating on fighting off the cloud of darkness blocking my vision.

A sudden crash sounded at the door before goblins dropped to the ground dead but I was dormant to the reason why, neither did I care. I soon felt a shirt being placed over my head and my wrists were cut free, it took my brain only a matter of seconds to realize I was getting out of this retched place. I struggled to put my arms in my sleeves, every movement searing with pain. I was dragged to my feet and drug behind a familiar shadow. It took a considerably longer amount of time, but I had managed to figure out that it was the pack I had been traveling with.

The entire group had to stop for a few short moments here and there, fighting for our lives as Goblin after Goblin was thrown at us. I was managing to hold my own against all of the Goblins that came after me despite the fire burning through my flesh. This surprised both myself and those around me, I allowed my body to fight with grace and precision. An act that I have been trained to do since a very young age. I believed that my movements stunned the company more than any creature of any other breed.

I was managing beautifully, until a sudden shoulder attack swept me off my feet. I had been blind-sided in the stomach, sending my attacker and I to the wooden floor. My throbbing back suddenly lit my entire body on fire, sending me into a screaming mess. My elbow lashed out calculatedly, surprising myself, and hit the goblin square in the nose causing him to trip over himself and fall into the deep ravine below.

I tried to cease the blurs in my vision as I fought to even flinch, but the task was impossible. Every time I would attempt movement the distressing wound in my back would blind me more. I rolled onto my left side the moment I felt air penetrating my lungs, and almost instantly a member of the company over analyzed their footing. The damp, bloody, and hard boot met my back. This caused me to convulse in pain, biting my lip to bleeding point and feeling howls of pain escape my blood covered lips. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I desperately threw myself to my feet. I could only imagine how crazed my eyes were, how desperate my face must have spoken to them.

I couldn't see much more than fuzzy colorful shapes, and I couldn't feel the touch of the one steadying me through the affliction I was fighting against. I did know that I was being drug beside the dwarfs, someone protecting me at all times. Although, I did defend myself, much to their displeasure. I somehow managed to keep up, but I wasn't relying on my vision anymore.

I could hear the screeching deaths of Goblins, and the fighting shouts and the lively hollers of the company better than I've ever heard before. The maze throughout the paths and bridges went on forever until the Goblin Ruler appeared in front of us. We were nearly out too. I struggled to watch on through blurred eyes, feeling helpless as Gandalf slay the Goblin King with two slices of his sword.

When the Goblin King dropped, the bridge followed in suit. Causing us all to land deep within the gully's tunnels. I fell not too far from Gandalf when we landed, but it was a dwarf who pulled me to my feet and forced me onwards in front of him. My first thoughts were Kíli but he was calling out to Gandalf just as we all started to regain footing. I left it a mystery as I tried to focus myself on regaining my sight and strength.

I was guided toward a tunnel and we weaved through for what must have been only a few rough minutes, it felt like an eternity to me. Just as I started to see daylight my knees gave way, and I wobbled into the corner of two intersecting tunnels. I tried to dodge out of everyone's way knowing that in this state, I was more trouble than help. But I still felt a burley pair of arms drag me out of my spot, forcing me to my feet. I continued to stagger out of the tunnel with all my weight pressed against the willing dwarf. However, as soon as we left the tunnel I had no way of making sure my footing would last. I slipped twice, letting the groans of pain slip past my lips. I nearly drug the other dwarf to the ground with me a third time, before he picked me up and threw me over his shoulders. I had no idea how he made it down the hill with my weight upon him but he managed. We all slowly came to a stop and I was set upon the ground against the nearest tree. I looked up to see Thorin Oakenshield shifting my body to a more comfortable position.

I slowly regained my senses and instantly forced myself to form at least moderately coherent words.

"Wh-" I inhaled sharply as Thorin shifted my hips, causing my spine to rotate beneath my wound; the motion sent my words stuttering. "Why are you helping me? You should have left me for dead."

A genuine look of concern glazed over his orbs, before it suddenly turned to pure anger. His nose screwing up pure spite, as he stood up and took a few stomping steps away.

"Thorin," He forced himself to look at me as I struggled to breathe.

"You should stop talking, you're going to make yourself pass out at this rate." He said, hate leaking from his voice along with the worry he was trying to hide.

I shook my head tenderly trying to fight the fog in my mind. Once I had concentrated enough to clear my mind, I fought against my body; forcing my legs to support me. I gasped and hyperventilated at the burning and stabbing sensations in my back, but I fought through it nonetheless. It took me a few minutes to completely depend on myself to stand without the support of the tree. I could feel the pain pulsing throughout my entire body, the worst area was easily my back. I could sense very few pairs of eyes on me as I forced myself into a stagger, taking myself away from the rest of the group.

My mind tortured me, spewing hateful thoughts at myself. I had been down this road before, and I wasn't going to let it happen again.

I could feel my weight begin to lean, and I could tell my body was zigzagging in different direction as I struggled to keep my legs under me.

Suddenly a pair of coarse, calloused hands shot out, grasping me roughly by my shoulders. They threw me backwards to the ground harshly. I met the ground and continued to slide only a slight distance from my attacker. But I didn't care about that, I was too busy being thankful that I landed on my side.

Once again I was blinded by pain, my hearing going out momentarily as well. I just managed to make out the angry dwarf voice past the terrible ringing I was deafened by, the yelling was so loud I was positive my ears bled. I knew it was about Thranduil and I, it always would be in the end.

I could feel a boot making contact with my stomach for the umpteenth time today, but I didn't even have the energy or strength to flinch. I knew my breath hitched at the contact but that was the only thing I could do. I looked up past my pain to see hints of what I knew was Dwalin. Knowing that I couldn't fight back, I let my head drop to the ground and a heavy sigh released itself as my energy faded.

I couldn't feel anything but fire and scorching agony anymore, I couldn't hear anything but an ear-shattering ringing, and I couldn't see much more than fuzzy colorful shadows. I did notice that the kicking had halted, replaced with a gentle hand - much smaller and slimmer than any dwarf - cupped the side of my face buried in the dirt, placing it in a tiny lap.

I could sense that I was losing myself to unconsciousness, blood leaking out slowly. The wound in my back faded out into a numbing sensation, as if thousands or even millions of minuscule bugs where climbing all over my back. This sensation grew throughout my body, and my limbs suddenly felt heavier. The last thing I could feel was thick dwarf fingers holding my own trembling ones. It wasn't until he steadied my hand, that I noticed the tremble that had commandeered my body. I looked over with the remaining energy I had and noticed the all too familiar colours, the only thing registering in my mind was Kíli. My vision became acute for a few slow seconds and I was just able to consider the panic and compassion on his face.

I saw nothing more than fuzzy green and dark blue, which I guessed was the tree tops and the dusking sky. My eyelids quickly became the heaviest thing for me to fight against, and I allowed them to shut. As I let that happen the rest of my body went limp, my head lolling back into the lap supporting it. My hand became dependent on the young dwarf desperately wanting a response from my failing form. My brain allowed me to hear a few last things, blackness quickly and swiftly taking my mind from this world.

"Axell!" The voices sounded desperate, scared, and far away.

 _Voices_. Simultaneously, to top that, and there were very few that could do that. Fíli and Kíli. Calmness flowed through me knowing the two brothers still cared, but it didn't last long. An ear-splitting howl echoed through my mind, and I knew what the creature was.

Then there was nothing but lonesome darkness.

 


	24. The Aftermath

_Have you ever felt trapped in a world of total darkness? Like the world doesn't exist and never has? You feel your problems vanish and you can't even remember what was wrong in the first place. You allow yourself to drift in between the strange atmosphere, but you cannot choose to wake or sleep. Any pain you've felt in the past is no longer known and the peace you feel is undeniable, you crave the feeling. However you can't reach the feeling of being wanted. Your only option, to wait and hope that this state is neither real or permanent._

\---------  
Axell's POV:

I startled conscious with a weak gasp, attempting to shake the strong feeling I had managed to overcome. It felt like eternity when I finally regained every sense I had. I shifted uncomfortably and silently groaned, my body screamed in hate and spite. I felt everything all at once. Fire engulfing every bone and nerve in my body, and my mind spun unforgivingly from the continuous throb in my spine and flesh. A stomach-churning nausea coursed through me, although it only lasted a moment. The feeling of sickness finally passed, allowing little movement. I felt fatigue clinging to my seeming lifeless form, nearly tipping over unconscious as I sat up.

I managed to look around without black spots contaminating my vision, my sights attempting to block out the blinding and desperate sunlight. My vision swayed and my lungs heaved, my body trembling in sickness. I shook my head half-heartedly, ignoring the shooting pain as I attempted to rid the evil pouring into the depths of my body and mind. I vaguely believed that I heard voices calling my name but with my physical distractions rocketing past containment, I hardly realized that it wasn't my imagination.

I felt the concerned flesh against my own, my mind no longer processing sights or sounds. I could feel my body dry-heaving in response to the illness, my body trembling and sweating. I was both too hot and too cold.

It felt like hours by the time my body stopped rejecting the healing methods, Óin satisfied with my condition for the time being. It took me a short while longer to finally register the bodies around me. Fíli had me braced around my upper body, my weight limp in his arms. His large, calloused hands preventing my sweat infested hair from falling into my face in the case that I managed to hurl up something from within my empty stomach. Kíli sat tight against me, his arms wrapping around to my front. His hands were settled against my collarbones, keeping me from falling onto my face. He was nearly too tight against my spine, and I was positive that if adrenaline wasn't running through my system, I would be feeling my wounds in much larger quantities. Óin was otherwise occupied, storing the pastes or other medicines that he had either made on the spot or managed to grab back in Goblin-town. I still heard the words he spoke, most not reaching the processing part of my mind.

_'...the beginning of an infection..._

_...she's strong, but stubborn..._

_...keep an eye on her...'_

I heard a couple of others shuffle forward, mumbling amongst each other as their eyes flittered over my state. I hardly had the energy to lift my eyes to them, my focus fading nearly immediately. After a moment they cleared, their worried gazes clearer than any crystal would ever be. Each one standing by gave me a pained smile. I attempted to give a weak one back, but believed to have failed. Although, it seemed to have worked for settling most concerns. Seeing as how Bofur launched forward at a tremendous speed. I had no place to run, and every nerve in my body was strung at the sudden movement. I leapt about a foot in the air when his arms shot out to embrace the three of us. But he either didn't notice or didn't care as he followed through, and he didn't stop until his arms had been thrown around us. I tried to ignore the exploding inferno known as my back, and forced the painful hiss in my throat to stay put as I held my breath and bit my lip as an alternative. I buried my face into his neck, hoping that we would be still long enough to dry my watering eyes. He pulled away just after I managed to hide my emotions, but I forced myself to regain my composure over the pain before he noticed.

"We were all worried about you darling, you wouldn't respond to anything...you must be hungry, you have been out for a while." He looked at me expectingly.

Before I could even open my mouth to respond, he was grabbing my upper arm and pulling me forward almost too forcefully. He dragged me directly between an angry looking Dwalin, and a spiteful looking Thorin. Although it looked like Bofur couldn't care less, I on the other hand had seen both of their expressions and didn't even want to be anywhere within a fifty mile distance of either of them. Bofur let go of my upper arm, so he could kindly search through bags and sacks. I may have been hungry beyond belief but my body argued, my churning stomach and nausea beginning to make me dizzier by the moment. I was quick to interrupt him.

"Thank you Bofur, the thought is very sweet. But I'm not hungry. I think I'll pass for tonight." My voice was quiet and cracked from the lack of use, and my body trembled at the sudden movement.

"You feel ill don't ya?" He looked knowingly at me until I nodded. "Alright kiddo. But I expect you to try to eat tomorrow...Now go sit back down, you look like you're about to drop."

He nodded his head back in the direction of the terrified brothers, a short distance behind Thorin and Dwalin. Great. In the short moments I started walking, I was forced to stop. Dwalin's feet were directly before my own, and I could not help my confusion. From where I had started to where I was supposed to end, I had a straight line. Dwalin was nowhere near that path. So he either moved, or I was not seeing as straight as I had hoped. I could feel an arm around my stomach, and when I blinked Dwalin was no longer in front of me. Actually, the ground wasn't under me at the moment either. A mystery it remained, seeing as how the ground was suddenly beneath my stomach once again. A soft and flexible hand begun to entwine in my hair, running through it to calm and coax me into sleep. While a strong and hardened one held my own, stroking over my thumb. It was soothing, and it eventually caused me to fall into an unconquerable sleep on the hard, cold stone.

 


	25. Memories of Darkness

_Sweat rolled down my tired body in waves, each sliding droplet caused a new goosebumps to be formed on my sticky skin. I could only concentrate on the dull pound vibrating throughout my bones, the open flesh over them searing with each movement. I attempted to ignore the beads of moisture pouring into the gaping wounds, the salt mixing with my blood to create a different kind of torture._

_My head dropped lazily as my abuser allowed the pain to engulf me. Every inch of my skin was aching with determination, not to scream, not cry, not to beg for mercy, because I couldn't let him win. I focused on my pain, not allowing myself to think anything else is an option._

_I could feel the warmth of red iron run freely from my lacerations and punctures, all of which caused by the merciless hand of my attacker. Liquid freely flowed down my back, sticking to my damp surface. The burns along my ribs seared at each flinch and twitch, the pain skyrocketing with each noise that emitted from my fighting body. My skin crawled at the sensation as new material ran over almost dried streaks, allowing blood to fall farther down the dip of my back._

_Suddenly vision exploded through the darkness, but I was blinded by the colours. Evil cackling morphed into familiar, yet hateful, laughter. I struggled to see their hidden faces. I could sense the tool of destruction flying to a frightening height, the leather snapping with a sick, resounding crack. While the fire surrounding my sight engulfed my body in heat._

_Angered screams and hollers pierced through my muted ears, a familiar voice that only brought hurt to my heart. It was a voice that I had once considered to be a brother, which now doubled as my killer._

I gasped in fear, clinging to the one holding me. Desperately hoping that the journey, and the friends I have made, had not been a dream. Especially since I consider my only friends to be my family.

 


	26. Problems Arise

The road from Carrock  
Axell's POV:

The moment I stirred, arms tightened around my heavily shaking body. The young, blond Durin trying to keep me anchored to reality. Humming a soothing sound to calm my strung senses, as a thumb stroked behind my ear. It nerved me for a brief moment that I had let them discover so much, until I remembered that these were the ones that cared about me.

I wanted to scream, sob, and disappear all at the same time. My past beginning to interfere with my present and future. But I killed my past, I was no longer that person, I never wanted to be known as that person again. Although, it seemed like I didn't have a choice.

"Axell?" Kíli's soft voice floated from nearby, a tune that settled deep within my veins.

I hummed in response, not trusting my voice.

_Not trusting myself._

"What happened?" His innocence floated through my head.

"Nightmare," I admitted, my lungs trying to catch the oxygen my body seemed to thrive for. "I'm fine."

"Axell, you are not fine." Fíli stated, seemingly unimpressed with my response. "You were nearly sick a little over an hour ago, you've been trembling since we tore you away from the Goblins, and you are having nightmares. None of these were a problem before last night."

The sound of agreement exploded throughout the group, making me fully aware that everyone was awake and listening. That everybody would soon know.

"I--" I sighed loudly, clinging to the warm body around me. "It seems that the Goblins have brought up old memories. I would rather not talk about it."

It was silent for a long while, but I could hear each person around the unlit fire working out what was going on. Or thinking about what has happened.

The sun was near setting and I knew that Óin would press the matter about checking me for injuries, seeing as how none of them would have held the opportunity before this moment.

"Is it true?" Kíli's silence trickled to my wary ears, startling me out of my panic.

"Is what true?" I asked hesitantly, afraid that they knew.

"That you were an assassin?" His voice was heavy with what I presumed to be fear.

_Sometimes the answer cannot be told, the truth truth cannot be revealed. Not because it should not be told, not because it doesn't want to be told. Not because trust has failed. But because the right words to make them understand do not exist, just as the right words to make them feel safe._

I had been right, he and the rest of the Company - aside from Gandalf - were afraid of the answer. But what I had not known is that they were mainly afraid _for_ me, not afraid _of_ me. They were afraid of what I may have done, not for their well being but my own.

I clung to the fur jacket beneath my hands, burrowing my face deep into the blond's neck. As much of a comfort Fíli was, Kíli was more preferred at the moment. Though, seeing as how it wasn't an option, I cuddled as deep into the dwarf as I could. Feeling safe in my brother's arm.

I inwardly cursed, I could not believe that I had the courage to get close enough to someone that I considered them brother. I should have known better.

I feared for each of the ones I felt close to, which meant I feared for all of them.

In horror, I answered their question, my voice not able to function the same as my mind. I forced myself to nod, and could feel the nearest of the group grow tense.

"Yes," I muttered, trying to scramble out of the fearful dwarf's arms. "I'm sorry."

His hold tightened, forcing me to stay put. I couldn't bring myself to look at any of the Company as I blocked my mind from the group, I needed to get my head on straight. It seemed like nothing in this world would gravitate my conscience back to solid ground.

I curled around the dwarf cradling me, trying to disappear in the light of the day. I was not trying to hide, they needed to know what they had drug along for a large portion of this trip. Hiding wouldn't help, but I feared their reactions. I feared the rejection. I feared the hate and the sorrow. I fear being lonesome after becoming so attached.

A hand was placed on my knee, coaxing me to unbury my head from the fuzzy shoulder.

"Axell," Balin's wise voice echoed through my head. "Come on darling, we aren't mad. Talk to us."

Balin tugged at my tense arms, hoping to get me to stop fearing them. Fíli was not as willing to let go, still holding onto me tightly. Afraid I would run from them, afraid I would shut myself out - too late.

I wiggled out of his lap and arms, falling next to him and Balin. Both sitting a reassuringly close distance to my sides. The only ones that seemed to be angry and hostile would be Thorin and Dwalin. _Go figure._ Although, I was the least surprised about that. The others and their strangely acceptive behaviour was throwing me off.

"You worked for Thranduil," Thorin spat, eyeing me up like a traitor. "Murderess."

"If you believe that I worked for Thranduil by choice, you are mistaken." I had no idea where my small amount of courage came from, but it was most likely fueled by fear.

"Then why did you?" Dwalin looked ready to attack.

"I too lived among your own in the Blue Mountains, long ago. But I wasn't very old when that life was torn from me." I began to explain the story I've never shared.

_Nobody had been expecting it, but then again nobody ever does. We were heading to visit family in the Iron Hills when an Orc pack had attacked my family on the road. I was far too young, I only had just learned to talk. So it was nothing short of a miracle that I survived the attack._

I bit my lip and furrowed my brows in concentration, trying to remember exactly what had happened.

"The only reason I'm still alive today is because of my greatest enemy, the King of the Woodland Realm, the King of the Greenwood."

_He had been traveling from Rivendell to his beloved kingdom, stumbling upon the horrid excuse known to be my family. He took me in, unknowing of my genetics. Once he realized what I was, the story changed. I became of only one use to him, knowing that I was not built like the rest; small, quiet, deceptive, afraid. I wished he not had such a powerful hold on me, but he was the only thing I knew. Therefore, pleasing him was what I strived for. I confused being loyal with showing love. I was a child, all I wanted was to be loved in return. Something I only got from one person in that entire kingdom. I still wonder today why I had not listened to the only one who cared for me._

I allowed them to know nearly everything, seeing no point in hiding since they knew what I was. The only things I left out where the secrets that would kill them.

I felt hands covering my own, and I bravely looked up at their owner.

"Calm down darlin', you're shaking like a leaf in a hurricane's wind." Bofur's concern dripped from him; but he was right, I was trembling at a decent rate.

"Sorry, a little...afraid." I admitted, trying to contain my obvious fear. "I've never said any of this aloud."

"Never?" Bilbo sounded astonished.

"Not allowed to have emotions," I shook my head as he sat appalled. "which means I cannot share some of the things that lay heavily on my heart."

"You show emotions near us." Òri sat confused.

"I've learned how," I though back to the lesson that forced me to learn fast, that emotions were a weakness. "It took me forever to break the habit, but I did it. Thankfully it is not a habit I regret unlearning."

"Are there?" Dwalin looked on suspicious.

"There are some which would have helped everyone on this journey, had I not forgotten." I admitted.

"And the killing?" Thorin eyed.

"Wish I had never done it," Those around me would need to have been blind to not notice the distant look in my eyes. "Sadly, that is not something that can be undone. Lives are not replaceable, and death is not irreversible."

Most left me for a while, those who tried to catch my attention failed. I was reliving the one mission I was grateful for, when my mind was finally caught. A hand shook my foot, sad eyes watching my own.

"Those eyes were far away," Kíli's sad expression weighed heavily on me. "What were you thinking about?"

"I don't want to keep secrets anymore," I slurred, a nervous tremor electrifying my body.

"Then don't," He was so innocent to the world that it pained me.

_It is terrible when you know you NEED to let go, but you cannot because you are still waiting for something impossible to happen. It destroys every part of the person trapped inside._

I curled over, planning to hide myself by burying my face into the ground. My body betrayed me, causing me to hiss at the movement. My back was enflamed, aggravated, ripped open, and the adrenaline had worn off completely. The trembling from earlier had been fear, but it was also adrenaline that I refused to speak about. My noise caused most to leap in their seated position and stare at me in fear, Óin scrambled to his feet.

"I have checked everyone but you for injuries, and I have put it off as long as I could." The medic's voice was stern and livid, forcing my undivided attention on to him.

"Now, if I remember correctly _this_ \--" He held up my worn and old bag, an item too familiar to my eyes; continuing when he had seen the recognition in my gaze. "has your short pants and wraps. Go put them on, I'm getting supplies."

I sat for a moment in shock, even after the bag had dropped to my side with an obnoxious and resounding, heavy smack. His willingness to help, their sacrifices to grab my belongings, and their heartfelt concern; it all stunned me to an undefeated silence. I felt some nudges beginning to pull me out of my state, encouraging me to bolt into the surrounding tree-line; afraid of Óin's possible reaction at my stunned silence.

When I knew I was out of viewing distance, I dug desperately through my bag. Finding the needed clothing momentarily, however my movements soon came to a halt when I realized that my shirt will be difficult to replace. A snap sounded behind me, forcing me to twist around, my eyes watering from the pain I felt at the small movement. I quickly looked past my clouded eyes to recognize hints of clothing and hair colour, all of which added up to one person; Kíli. His voice rang clear in my ears as his hands gripped at the hem of my shirt.

"Calm down darling, I've only been sent to help." His voice was soothing, numbing the pained parts of my mind.

My vision launched back, and my eyes landing upon the hurt face of the youngest Durin. I smacked at his hand, pulling away from him.

"Turn around," I started, continuing upon seeing his arguing expression. "you can help me in a minute."

With that he swung around, facing his back to me. Each movement radiating displeasure, it took everything in me not to smile at his childish action. I too turned like he had, although with much less emotion. I changed into my short leggings, double checking over my shoulder consistently. Content that I was half finished, I attempted rewrapping, wincing at the pressure on my wounds. When I was pleased with how secure they were and that they were flexible enough, I tried to pull my shirt over my head. I yelped when the fabric scraped against the open wounds, my movement causing them to sting all the more. It alerted the young man behind me, and I couldn't help but feel insecure at his next movement. He toed his way to my spot, grasping gently at the hem of my shirt for a second time. I sighed heavily, raising my arms as high as physically possible without my back burning. It was impossible not to notice the fabric lift off my body, as was the same fabric dropping to the ground at my feet. I felt the shaky breath snake down my back as his eyes examined the red flesh, his fingers ghosting and feathering around the raw skin around the lacerations of interest. It felt like hours of his tough fingers dancing their way around the bruised and battered canvas, the orange lighting causing a glow to cascade across my face in a wave of calm.

\------  
Kíli's POV:

Dry and crusted iron stuck to her ruined flesh, creating a battlefield of streams. The old, red liquid adding horror to the depth and length of the wounds. Each one claimed her body, either having torn it open or peeled it open. The skin was pink and purple, the object having hit the flesh hard. Those bruises were probably to the bone, seeing as how bruises do not look that angered unless muscle has been pulled from place. The skin looked clawed at, making me positive that hooks had been attached to the whip I had seen in that room. I thought we had gotten to her in time, because she had been free of wounds when we put the shirt on her weakened body. How wrong we were to assume.

To anyone else, it would have looked as though she had been attacked. The assumption would have been correct, but it would have been about an animal. One without mind, emotion, and heart. While that is true to a degree, it is still incorrect. What had attacked her, was not a mindless monster. It had been something much more dangerous. That is why I knew better than to believe what the wounds were speaking to me, that it could have happened by the hand of anything. But I knew where she'd gotten those scars and while I may be unknowing to how, I knew who had given them. Not the one holding the weapon of destruction, but the one ordering the weapon upon her. I knew now that we could not go back to that place, not ever.

\-----  
Axell's POV:

When the orange hues caught his eyes, he was broken from the spell he'd been placed under. Picking up my clothing, gently placing it in my bag, and pulling on my elbow; was all but a subconscious action. Each movement was measured, calculated.

"Come on Axell, let's get you up to Óin." His words were careful and shaky, causing me to fear the notion.

I walked behind him cautiously, trying to stay upright. Although, I wouldn't call it walking, more like drunkenly tripping over my own feet. He noticed and kept a steady grip on my wreaked, and weak form.

In mere seconds I was before the shaken company, nothing to hide my injuries from them. I hoped they all weren't wanting to know, I was trying to protect them from what I knew had happened; or nearly happened. Judging some of the otherwise occupied expressions, it may have been believed to be Óin's concern only. Until each set of eyes landed upon Kíli's horrorstricken face, skin too pale to be anything more than emotion. He seemed ill, a sight that rarely graced the young dwarf's features.

I wobbled over to Óin myself when I realized that the man at my side was no longer able to function. Even the healer seemed appalled at Kíli's reaction, hesitant to see my wounds himself. But someone had to, Óin knew this. When I finally made it to his side, I lowered myself next to him. It took every muscle in my body to not drop. He had gathered the supplies he believed to be needed. However he began doubting, pulling his bag of ointments and serums beside the two of us. He examined what he could already see.

He prodded at the swollen bruises on my collarbone and neck, I may have frightened him with my lack of response. I've felt worse pain, so why react to the smaller ones? He was not the only one stunned, I failed to realize that the entire company was watching for my reaction.

Óin moved to my purple ribs, and I could sense Dwalin's guilt from where I sat. As much as I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, I could bring myself to raise my voice or my eyes. The pressure the healer was inflicting on the area only made me scrunch my nose in displeasure, but it didn't hurt. Just pinched. I think the elder was afraid that my nerves were shot.

He moved over to my forearms, and that was when I realized that he only checked what he was seeing. Part of me relaxed at the discovery, and I'm not sure if I should be concerned about that. The bruises were light, only from being pushed into the post too hard. The same colour was painted on my knuckles, a hint of blood on them in the slightest; from fighting my way out without a weapon.

"Ya look fine, lass." He concluded, only worried about these at the moment. "Though the bruises on your neck, collarbones, and ribs are a little more severe. What did they do to you?"

I kept my mouth closed for a long moment, until I noticed that he wanted an actual answer. The question had not be rhetorical.

"A couple wanted to get a good few hits in before I was sent off," I muttered, shaking from fear.

I thought they were going to drop the subject, but to my horror they pressed a few of their questions.

"What of the Cannibal?" Dwalin voiced his curiosities.

"What about him?" I avoided his question, and he knew it.

"You know perfectly well." He stated in anger, already annoyed with me.

"He is the one who gave me the bruises on my ribs." I stated calmly, watching relief flood the dwarf's eyes. "As for the rest of his role, you could probably guess by the name."

I could cut the tension with my fingernail, horrorstricken expressions coming into view when I finally had the courage to lift my eyes.

"He was going to eat you?" Dòri scowled in disgust, his question more of a statement.

I merely nodded, a nearly unnoticeable movement. I hoped they wouldn't, but they did. These guys never missed anything.

"How are you still in one piece? You should have greater injuries than all of us." Glóin grumbled, unsure whether to be impressed or unimpressed.

Everyone silenced, all turning to look at me. All I could do is tremble. Fear must have been clear on my face, because Kíli rose. His sudden movement caught me off guard, and I stumbled to my feet instinctually. His eyes burned into the side of my head, his strides sliding to my side. Warm, worn hands feathered over my elbow, claiming my already undivided attention.

"Axell, you have to tell them." His trained movements tilting my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his as his words silently fogged my ears. "They will know eventually, they'll figure it out."

I knew he was right, but I was afraid. Convenient isn't it? Afraid of the closest people to me. Do not misinterpret my fear, I did not fear their thoughts. I feared their actions, how they would respond. However, my worst fear was my past coming back to haunt me - and having it kill _them_.

"Axell." Kíli's voice tugged at my mind. "What they know, won't hurt you."

"No," I knew this, and a small part of me grew braver with the radiant sky; signaling the last hour of daylight. "But what I know will kill them."

I glanced at him to see a tired expression across all of his features, I knew he would give up on me too. Everyone did.

"I don't want it to kill them, or you." Tears formed in my eyes, an odd occurrence. "You guys are all I've got."

A single tear streamed down my face, and I swiped at it quickly in hopes of hiding it from the others. But some still noticed, leaping up and rushing over. I heard Bofur's comforting words, his rough hands grasping at my own. The recognizably calloused hands of Fíli pulling my head into his chest, a sigh escaping my lips as I leaned into the welcoming touch. I heard a gasp, from whom I was unsure, but I receded from all previous contact. I scanned everyone nearby, struggling to read the expressions through my panic.

"Axell, your back." Fíli stated, and I knew that I could not turn around.

"What is it? Scrapes? Bruises? Swelling?" Óin was waiting for this.

Fíli shook his head, from disappointment or from Óin's question was all but unknown.

"No," He seemed to have paled, though his back was facing most seeing as how he advanced towards me; he turned to look back at Óin, much to my horror. "Lacerations, and deep ones at that."

Kíli had managed to slip around behind me, forcing me forward while not disturbing my wounds. When I was within arms reach of the healer, he shot out and turned my back towards him. Although, once his touch came it left. I knew he was terrified.

"By the name of Durin," Óin's words sunk over the Company. "Why didn't you say anything?"

I shook, afraid of the power Óin held over the situation.

I wondered vaguely how Óin was hearing all that was being said, until I glanced over my shoulder and noticed the pried open tool.

"By my beard," He breathed, the words skimming across my angered wounds. "Darling...I should have started this much sooner."

His words, as quiet as they had been, alerted everyone. The toughest and strongest of warriors stomping to his side in curiosity, I wanted nothing more than to see their reactions. But I could not bring myself to dare move. Most cursed, while others made a putrid noise. I could not see the severity of my wounds unlike the others, but I could feel them.

Fire burned at my red and angered flesh, while dried blood cracked at each flinch. The open sores stung, still feeling as if they were freshly inflicted. I claim to have felt worse, I haven't.

Thick fingers danced around the swollen skin, conversing with his fellow warriors. I had not the energy to listen, knowing that they were cringing in disgust.

"Why did you not say so?" Thorin questioned, his eyes daring my own as he faced me.

" _Present Company shall not be liable for injuries by or sustained as a consequence thereof; including, but not limited to, lacerations, evisceration, incineration."_ I repeated the contract signed nearly a year ago, watching as the leader's face become an immensely stunned expression.

"This is not a consequence sustained from the adventure undertaken," His eyes leaked a concern I have never seen, a frightening sight. "This is a consequence from before our journey, we may not be held for liability. But these wounds need our attention."

I shook my head subconsciously, not even acknowledging my own action. The leader stepped back, fearful of the demons attacking my mind. His eyes narrowed as he deciphered my actions.

"My wounds are minor," Those who were behind me stumbled away, Óin reaching up and smacking me upside the head; a muffled humph was the only response he got.

Thorin radiated anger, grabbing my shoulders roughly. I was confused for a brief second, before I realized what he was doing. But by then, it was too late. He had spun me at a rapid speed, forcing my back to be lit by the orange sunlight - which was the same direction the Company sat. Those who haven't seen the inflicted harm were horrified. Noises came in tidal waves, the ones who could stomach the sight leaping up emotionally.

"Try to press the matter, and you've got much more dwarfs to deal with." Thorin grumbled, turning away to discuss interests with the medic.

A sigh escaped my lips as the words sunk in. I knew I had only a slight fighting chance before, the Durin's are stubborn-headed beyond all doubt. But there was no chance anymore. My vision swayed, a hiss echoing over the group when fingers skimmed over one of the smaller gaps.

Then there was too much movement. Hands grappled my arms, tugging me to the ground. The movement seared, since I had to rotate my spine to bend in that direction. My groans, as muffled as they had been, seemed to roar over the Company's ears. I heard Óin's words, and felt the tug at my chest bindings. Seeing as how I was laying on my stomach, I knew that when they were undone I would be fine. I understood that it needed to be done. I just didn't want everyone around, someone seemed to read my mind.

"Spectators are not welcome," Someone growled, I was too tired to figure out who.

Most left, but there were some bodies nearby. About four, five maybe. Óin was the obvious one, although I couldn't tell which he was at the moment. There were multiple holding me down, but I could not bring myself to understand their words. Which was understandable, I was not in the best state of mind.

When the healer started his work, I was nowhere near silent. Hissing, groans, and growls, could probably be heard easily within the group; and Óin was only cleaning. The blood was not coming off easily; then again, there wasn't a lot of pressure being placed on the wounds.

The floodgates for my vocals were opened when the real work started. The stitching, the tightening, the pastes and ointments, it felt like I was being ripped open all over again. My screams were probably heard for miles, tears stinging my skin in response. I tried with all my power to not reopen my split lips, gritting my teeth trying to keep in my booming shrieks. Something tough and thick was placed between my teeth, and I got the hint. I bit down into the object, returning to the muffled noises. I did not know what we were hiding from, but I did not need to bring its wrath upon us.

My vision slowly grew dark, and I was unsure if it was from pain or from time. My energy dwindled, and my sounds of pain became weak whimpers. I had not the energy to flinch anymore, and I could sense the panic radiating from those around me. Whenever the healer's methods should have caused me to react, someone would shake a limb in hopes that I was conscious. I could manage nought but a weak groan, though it seemed to calm those assisting my mauled form.

I must have fallen unconscious, because the next thing I see are the darkened surroundings and the firelight nearby. I try to sit up, but am forced back down by an unknown strength. All hands avoiding the mess of my back, which stung immensely. I no longer had the stamina to force myself to remain awake any longer, seeing as how I fell into a much needed sleep.

 


	27. Path of Pain

Misty Mountains  
Axell's POV:

I awoke before the rest of the Company, much to my surprise. Although, if I were to commit to the agreement I made with myself, it would be necessary that everyone stay asleep.

I took in my surroundings. The smell of burning wood drifted but my nose at the sight of the dying flames, the ashes golden red from the heat. The surrounding treetops floated in different directions as the wind gently brushed through them, a faint breeze kissing my bare cheeks. The grass tickled my neck, both the surrounding greenery and my hair covered in dew. The cool temperature scratched at my bare forearms when I removed them from the heated, soft jackets; all of which had not been on me when I lost all apprehension.

My back throbbed dully, a large relief compared to the agony I had been in from the hours already passed. I had one thought in mind, Óin went through a load of trouble to stitch me up.

I carefully angled my body, attempting to stand. I was grateful to find my bag completely packed, and was oblivious to the male clothing placed over the bandages claiming my entire upper body. I thought that I was free, until a voice rang clear through the calm air.

"Where are you going?" The small hobbit was frighteningly silent.

I halted in my steps, trying my hardest to keep a sigh in at the thought of being caught. Bilbo was smart, he'd have figured out what my actions were speaking quickly. What I knew about the situation, Bilbo is never put on night watch; it would be a matter of seconds before the guard strolled up. I hoped that it wouldn't be one of the harsher dwarfs, but you don't always get what you hope for.

Dwalin stomped from seemingly nowhere, storming between me and the forest. Apparently knowing exactly what I was planning. It stunned me that he was stopping me, and not encouraging me.

"Where do you think you're going?" Dwalin grumbled and crossed his arms as if to say that no matter what was said, I was not going anywhere.

"Any place but here," I admitted, the fight fading at Dwalin's stance.

"And why is that?" He mumbled, a single fist clenching.

My eyes flickered to his newly made duke continuously, a nervous tremor in my voice.

"Everyone would be safer if I were gone." I tensed at Dwalin's blank face, his eyes cold and unwavering as stone.

His hands loosened, arms falling to his sides. His eyes skimmed over my bag, which I had slung over my arm so it smacked my front. He reached over, grasping a large majority of the fabric. I didn't say anything, knowing what Dwalin was capable of. Almost as if reading my mind, his thumb ran over the heavily bruised ribs beneath dwarf fabric. It stunned me, but I didn't pull away. I knew what he was thinking, and I could not help but feel responsible.

"I did this," He grumbled to himself, an angered look in his orbs.

"No, you didn't." I understood how they felt last night, causing me to downplay and blame myself even more. "I've said who it was, if it were you I would have ignored the question."

Dwalin ignored my words, pulling the sack from my shoulder. Giving me a pointed look, to which I didn't argue. But I was confused as to why he was forcing me to stay.

"How are you feeling?" His curiosity was genuine, for that I was grateful.

"Better," I trailed, and he caught it.

"What's bothering you?" He gruffly muttered, eyes watching my every movement.

"Nothing, just.." I sighed between words, feeling it in my ribs and neck. "A little tender, but I think I'll survive."

"Think?" I had totally forgotten about poor Bilbo, worry was his nature.

"I know I will." I corrected myself, feeling tired already.

Maybe it's a good thing I didn't take off, I probably wouldn't have made it very far. Someone would have found my tired carcass and dragged me back, then I'd have to deal with grumpier dwarfs.

"Sit your sorry--" The hardened dwarf's colorful language was appropriate for his demeanor, the curses not needing to be repeated. "--back down, you have nowhere to be."

His words sounded like an alternative, more comfortable in his own skin again. He had spoken as if I had planned on being somewhere, then I wasn't to follow those plans anymore. I wasn't the only person in the vicinity that had heard Dwalin's demand, and any of the respectful race should of had a much different reaction. This one was unique. One would think that Bilbo would have fallen over at the word, but the months with gruff and moody dwarfs have caused him to react otherwise. I couldn't help but inwardly smile at the little creature, whom had been altered during the journey.

I only allowed my mind to wander for a brief moment before I struggled to sit on my own, feeling the stitching pull and stretch when my spine shifted. I tensed and straightened out, Dwalin intensely watching my actions the entire time. He sighed breathily, traipsing to my side from the short distance between us. Reluctantly, I let Dwalin settle me down. Although his actions had hurt, it was a lot less than the thunder I felt while moving alone.

So here I lie, flat on my stomach. The same spot I had been before I was stopped, enjoying the last few hours of rest I get. Dwalin and Bilbo sat conversing for the longest time, about what was beyond me. I was drifting in and out of sleep, sometimes completely focused on the dying flames, other times the back of my eyelids.

At one point I had awoken to find something warm pressed against my neck and hair, an arm strung over my waist just below my wounds. I jerked slightly when I realized the warmth was another person, causing them to unbury their face from the position. I raised mine to examine the man, seeing none other than the young, dark brunet dwarf. His cheeky grin shone off his features.

"I like seeing you in my clothes," He murmured into my ear, a face eating grin slapped onto his skin.

If I hadn't been as damaged as I was, I'd probably have shoved him in the chest, told him off, then left. But I was tender and unable to think properly, forcing me to remain in the spot with a confused look stuck to my features.

"Have you not noticed?" He questioned, his gleaming eyes narrowing at me slightly.

I couldn't force words past my lips, unable to understand what the dwarf was hinting at. His only response was a concerned and amused chuckle, his hand raising to fix my wild hair. With that, he slunk away. Leaving me to gather my thoughts and gain my senses. It was not even ten minutes later when Thorin treads over, squating next to my still form.

"Can you walk?" He eyed my wrapped and clothed back, concerned whether or not the group can continue.

"I will try to the best of my abilities." I coughed, my voice sounding odd to my own ears; he nodded in an approving matter.

"I heard that you gave Dwalin a difficult time this morning," He grumbled, and I felt my face heat up at his words. "You will stay with us, until you've healed at the least."

I knew that there was no arguing room, so I only nodded my head in agreement. I was surprised that the lot had not asked more questions, since I had once been a loyal servant to their greatest enemy. I was about to ask why they had not decided to throw me out upon the knowledge, however the cautious glance into the surrounding trees from the King had me curious otherwise.

"What are we running from?" I ravaged my mind, then I realized we were much deeper into the mountains. "Wait, how'd we get so far in such little time? Where are we?"

I received a frightened and confused look from Thorin, until he too came to a realization.

"I had forgotten that you had not been conscious during the ordeal, although, I hadn't been for most of it either." He stated, gathering up the information internally. "We are around Carrock, and I believe all present will fill you in. One thing is certain. We are running from an Orc pack lead by Azog the Defiler."

A cold wind seemed to settle over the small meadow, the clearing being a dangerous spot for camp. I was stunned briefly, a nervousness relit at the name. I traced over the scar over my collarbone, having memorized the terrain of the imperfection. The majority of my scars had not been questioned, this had been one of them. I do not think that my heart could handle another strike.

Orcs were not a welcoming creature, Azog least of all. I had the privilege to come across his foul face, his pack close behind. It interrupted a journey which remains incomplete, my final task. At the time, I thought his sword would be the end of me. But the Pale Orc had missed his mark.

I nodded, a fragile gleam hidden in my eyes. I hated the weakness I shared so simply with the family, my family. But I couldn't bring myself to chain my emotions, afraid that The Shadow would arise again.

After a long while of being trapped and occupied by my thoughts, Óin had come over. He asked simple questions, whether or not my injuries felt secured, cleaned, or any other concerns he held. When he was satisfied, a couple others - Kíli, Fíli, and Dòri - helped to get me on my feet. A task I could have accomplished on my own, but was not allowed to do myself by order of the doctor. Upon hearing those demanding words from the healer, I felt Dwalin's eyes piercing my face. I spared a glance at the bald man, and sure enough the dwarf was glaring at me. I could not help but feel a little guilty, the men were working hard to keep me around.

\----Time Skip----

The throbbing in my spine and flesh ate away time. It was only midday when I felt like I was going to collapse. Kíli and Fíli basically hugged my sides, nervous that I would vanish, physically and mentally. What I failed to notice was my trembling legs and my heaving lungs, the divided flesh too great to go unnotice. I was sparsely hearing the filler conversation around me, too focused on trying to walk straight.

"You scared us," Kíli voiced his past concerns, and his tone caught my undivided attention.

Unfortunately, my attention on his words meant a lack of attention on my footing. Which caused me to stumble. Fíli had been prepared, reaching out a small distance to brace my body as I listened to their words.

"You alright Axell?" I nodded in response, Fíli pressing a brotherly kiss to my forehead to display his care.

"After the goblins," The brunet at my left continued, emotions leaking from his voice as he shielded his eyes. "You were so limp, so still, that it scared all of us. Even Dwalin, and he's a hard one to frighten."

He thought deeply as I tilted my head to encourage him, honestly wanting to know what was on his mind. I knew what happened when somethings are left to rot in the head, it turns into a sickness that cannot be fed. It devours everything you thought you knew or loved, until you think there's nothing left. I had to learn the hard way, that it takes too much to pry yourself from the darkness alone. It can be done, it is just painful. I did not want this man, who caused my heart to flutter, to endure such pain.

Thankfully, I did not need to egg him on much further.

"We thought that we were safe. We escaped the goblins, Bilbo wasn't missing as we all had thought, you were breathing. Then suddenly you vanished, your mind kind of just left. We didn't know who you were. Then you fell unconscious, and Azog showed up--" His words spilling like a waterfall of sorrows and fears, landing in the hopefully comforting stream of my mind, soothing him.

The name caused memories, some of which I wished to never relive, to flash through my sight. Red glistened in the faded light of the years past, the fogged surroundings eating away the lifeless bodies seeping and black smearing across life to signify death.

I could feel arms support my body, my form going limp. Too heavy for my tired and occupied mind to support it any longer.

\----  
Balin's POV:

We have been traveling, attempting to make it to the mountain in the remaining time we have. Although, many have acquired injuries. Some worse than others, though the one under the hardest watch was managing. Struggling, but managing nonetheless. The Company was enjoying the silence and the peace.

Quiet murmurs filled the atmosphere as we trudged on. Our youngest lads voices carrying over the large amount of 'merchant travelers', the young woman attempting to hear their words. I was wary of her, she was forcing her body to be moving much sooner than would regularly be allowed. It was painful to watch, even before she acknowledge that they were keeping her upright. Although, they had been the entire time. If we were not on the run, she would've had time to rest.

Eventually the pain caught up to our young warrior, her weight dropping heavily as she struggled to remain conscious. She was definitely a fighter, but even fighters could fall weak.

"Thorin, we need to let her rest." I turned to my friend, concern and a strong lack of surety lying upon his face.

"As much as it pains me," The man watched on with harm-filled eyes, struggling to watch our fallen family. "I agree. Especially with the wounds she has bared."

I tossed my hand upon his shoulder, an appreciative and approving gleam in my own eyes.

"Alright, we camp here for the night." Thorin hollered, everyone giving him a stunned look. "Kíli, Fíli, you're on first watch. I'll take second with Bofur."

Everyone seemed stunned into a stillness, until a groan escaped the limp lady. Then everyone was scurrying into movement.

\----  
Axell's POV:

A burn tore at my back, the skin twitching angrily. Though it burned all the same. I felt like ripping my lungs from my body, but I had not the energy to respond. My worlds was in slow motion, all surroundings other than faces were burred beyond recognition. I heard the lively holler of a familiar man, it was unattainable. I felt the ground kiss my skin, a welcomed feeling to my tired body. I was vaguely able to register physical contact, but the warm palm against my cold skin was reassuring. Causing my weak form to dwindle into a deep and needed sleep.

 


	28. Unresponsive

The deathly woman attempted to struggle to a more lively state, she could feel the words of her family brushing against her skin desperately. She feared the hate they would eventually feel towards her, though she failed to realize that their hearts have not been hardened near enough.

When the brown locks were removed from her blue, tired eyes, blurred and unattainable forms and colours blocked her clear sight. The scoured woman fought for only a moment or longer, relying on her hearing to guide her. Her counterparts concerns escalated beyond imagine when she refused to intake any source of energy, knowing from her sickened face alone. That she was no closer to being in good health, if anything she was much further. She sat still, listening to every noise that sounded off in the distance. Each unrecognizable reverberation spiking her nerves, forcing every muscle to be taunt in alert. Her skin twitched when cloth brushed against it, and her face contorted to a wince with each physical touch.

It was lost on her that they began moving.

The most she could do was register the grips that held her upright, the tender and loving hands of her caretakers.

But even that was lost upon her, questions and statements nothing more than blabbering. Touches feeling about a gentle as ice, her skin aching unforgivingly.

Until finally she collapsed, her body falling limp. Her mind going blank, and her body giving into the long fought exhaustion. This may have been ill news to the Company, but it was nought but expected. All dwarves, hobbits, and wizards feeling nothing but concern and fear. They all silently agreed and admitted that she was the strongest person they had met, but even the strongest people have weak moments. But each feared what had weakened her. The Company's fears were unfathomable, each rushing and hollering to their fallen friend.

They had only been on the move for two hours.

 


	29. Rock Bottom

To say that all the men around her were grateful that she had remained unconscious would have been the understatement of the age. She had only begun to show the signs of infection, but she would still have been in pain at the cleaning and stitching; probably beyond all imagine. When she finally returned to the land of the living, she was in for an earful.

Axell's POV:   
I struggled to awake fully, tossing my head about like a caged beast. There was a ringing in my ears that wouldn't diminish, and I was more than annoyed already. I felt a familiar hand tangle in my hair, I knew that he was trying to help. But with my nerves as strung as they were, my mind was only ready for a fight.

"Kíli," The head of our group demanded, and the tone alone was what calmed my senses. "Allow her a moment, she is not ready just yet."

My sights were fogged for a brief eternity before I fought for everything to become clear, I was not prepared for what lied before me. I was tossed into shock rapidly into my weakened mind, forcing my lungs to still.

Thorin was being tended to by Bofur, as was Dwalin receiving the same attention from Glóin. Óin was at the ready, knowing that I would be in pain the moment I winced. However, I was too stunned to even blink. The sight welcomed me with a sting, I hadn't even known the group had put off their own injuries for my sake. All of those who had discarded their shirt had lashes from leather, probably feeling much like my own. Swollen welts and small cuts gathered over their torsos, matching colouration sat on all of their skin as purple blended into red and blues. The goblins had made an incredible wreak out of us all, I am surprised that they had pressed on. I let out an unsteady gasp, my body begging for the much needed air.

"Axell," A frightened Nòri tiptoed closer, Òri oddly close behind him. "You feeling alright?"

It took every nerve in my body not to wince when I nodded unconvincingly at the men, but I leapt with an angered groan the second after. I glanced behind my head, rubbing it due to the unimpressed weight that had collided with it. Dòri was much more than angry, he looked like a storm being kept on a leash.

"Have you gone mad?!" The elder bellowed, restraining himself from beating on me. "You have forced your body to keep up with ours even after you've run out of energy! Pushing yourself past all limits! And now you are lying to our faces!"

His skin boiled in rage while his hair swung with violence, a terror inducing sight for such a gentle dwarf. I dared not move, nor blink, or even breathe. I had not crossed paths with a man with this much fire burning within him since Thorin's minuscule meltdown in Bree, a sight which was easily months ago.

I was disastrous for their health.

"You're disappointed." I've seen the emotion much more than I should have, so I could define it without needing to gaze upon the expression.

"No lass, not disappointed." Dòri crouched to my level, stroking my hair apologetically. "Just afraid."

Fear, a strong emotion. One which strikes the fearless of men, relentless and cold. Hearing the admittance, I knew the task that must be assigned to myself. I knew their fear, or I believed I knew. People have always been afraid of me, you could imagine my confusion when they are truly afraid for me.

 _They are afraid of you_.

With that thought heavily engraved into my mind, I forced myself onto me feet. A pace so rapid that I struggled not to scream in agony, and had most of the men advancing towards me. I stumbled away, attempting to focus my mind on the world; although, the slight spinning was difficult to get past. When my world finally straightened, most were advancing towards me slowly. My ears regained its ability, causing painfully gulps to stab past my eardrums. It took me longer than it should have to realize I was the source of the noise. My eyes fluttered over the group, struggling to assess everyone. When I thought that I had my opportunity, my body contorted at a rapid speed in attempt to flee. Fire and ice sliced through my body with a tremendous power, causing my blood to pulse and my heart to knock against my rib cage with a dramatic annoyance. Before I could bolt, I was blocked by a large dwarf body, I was unsure as to who but I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

"This is the second time you have tried to take off," Dwalin grumbles were due to the rough cleaning methods of Glóin, who obviously wasn't concerned about me getting anywhere. "Where are you headed to, so rushed that you cannot wait to be free of our company?"

I only shook my head, refusing to turn around to face my men. More caring dwarfs placed themselves at my blocker's side, forcing me to stay put. Although, I was not allowed to stay in the spot I had cemented myself, Óin pulling me back to safer ground. I could not halt myself from sighing, relieved that they still held a deep care for me and annoyed that they refused to let me protect them. However, I was stunned into stillness when the question was not rhetorical like most before it.

"Axell, don't avoid the question." Bofur hollered, the first audible noise he has made since I had awoken; a decibel at which Thorin was forced to leap at.

My mouth snapped open and shut numerous times, my mind attempting to conjure up logical sentences.

"I am only trying to protect you," I whispered, a solid fear dropping into my stomach.

"Similar to how you were ' _protecting us_ ' when you refused to mention your injuries," Fíli was slightly livid, concerned for my mental and physical state but unimpressed that he was no longer allowed to comfort me; Glóin basically sitting on him to still said dwarf, unable to tend to the wiggling one's injuries.

"This is different," My words were unconvincing to my own ears, the tone wavering weakly as Óin checked over my fresh wrappings.

"How so?" Bofur finally bellowed, finished with his task.

His voice brought upon a realization, that I once again had to persuade the entire company into believing a truth disguised as a liar's action.

"You will all perish at my presence," I stuttered, allowing my fears to swim before their eyes. "I cannot fathom the thought of losing the only thing I have, not again."

I started trembling, every ounce of my willpower concentrated towards my emotions. I refused to cry before my family, I would not be able to handle the judgement. But the floodgates for my silent tears were open upon the warm embrace of the youngest Durin, a comfort I convinced myself that has become too reoccurring, fond even. Trying to bury my thoughts and vulnerability, I force all emotions into the depths of my mind, closing off my feelings from being witnessed. My attempts were successful, allowing me to physically pull away from tender arms without a weakness in my movements. Everyone's expressions hardened at my blank slate, void of everything; nearly including life. I was pale and still, and most around me prepared themselves for the possibility of a fight. There were few that weren't, and only one who knew what I was doing.

"Axell," The blond that I have grown frighteningly attached to, was wary of unstable state. Cautiously trudging in my direction; much to Glóin's dismay. "Please, do not refuse us."

His gentle face was carved in concern, nearly shattering my façade with a single glance. I fought the small instinctual pull to obey, trying to convince myself my actions were necessary. I remained unchanging and resolute, not allowing them to see my fragile mind.

"Axell," Kíli's abrupt words snapped me back to reality, causing me to tremble in realization.

I had nearly lost myself to the wreck I was raised as. I was cold. Calculated. Dead...I had died temporarily. Shoved Axell into the depths of the earth, and called upon the monster to be emotionless. I had lost myself in fears of death and memories of blood. I don't know what had caused me to shut down, or what had caused my fear. I haven't killed anyone in near twenty years, I had no real reason for my harsh and vivid thoughts. Though there they were, alive and real.

I tossed my arms around the youngest Durin, fighting my hardest to remain Axell but not shed a tear. Sensing my battle, the young man clung to my shaking form. Not allowing any room to squirm away, though it was my last thought at the moment.

I wanted nothing more than to vanish into his grasp, his hold firm around my shoulders and gentle against my skull. His fingers ran through the hairs at the base of my neck, tickling and calming me in a way I hadn't known to be possible. I couldn't believe how calm my senses were, until it was finally ruined. My body was hot with a desperate fear, a feeling like none other. His fingers which had been occupied with the intense massaging of my scalp, froze. Landing upon the tough, bare skin where spine meets skull. This was one scar that I was not willing to share. The raven haired archer pulled me out of his stable grasp, looking at me with a gentle yet alarmed state. The look I had returned was one of desperate and willingness, though it was obvious I was not so prepared to give up all my secrets. He seemed to get the hint, dropping his look rapidly as to avoid further attention. He motioned towards his reluctantly still brother, causing me to spare a curious glance. The emotion stuck to the man's face like tree sap to fabric, and it couldn't be funnier. I failed to suppress an untimely giggle, however it lifted the heavy fog off the group. It was then that I knew the impact I have, and I could not stop the therapeutic grin that landed upon my lips.

A smile that had kept until slumber had finally taken me that night, a sky full of stars and glittering lights that could say anything more than the bright future ahead.

 


	30. Wounds Unwept

12 months, Axell's POV:

"I considered one of them my brother," I muttered after the longest time, the men around me silencing rapidly.

"He believes me to be dead."Nobody dared to shift, shocked that I was sharing such valuable information."I have heard about his character since that day. He's cold, harsh, full of hate, and anger. He has become what I had once been to all but him."

When silence remained, I continued,"I fear that he will break gazing upon me, but I mostly fear what his father will do."

"His father?" Glóin piped up.

"Yes, his father...Thranduil."

"You considered the Prince your brother?!" Nòri's stunned voice echoed.

The only response I could muster was a weak and terror-filled nod.

"He cared for me. Though, there had been separations to keep us from being too connected." I carefully worded my thoughts, knowing that the dwarfs would explode like firecrackers. "His father would demand that he stayed away from me, but his son had a stubbornness that could rival the goblin king's grudge."

Most cringed in sympathy, many rubbing their own wounds while glancing over my heavily wrapped torso.

"Eventually the bloody king of the Greenwood discovered that if he threatened his son with his life, I would stay away." I faltered, nervous about their oddly persevering silence."Though, I could not avoid him. His wrath was unbeatable. Even as a trained assassin, he could find me easily. I was queen of the shadows, but he was king of the ghosts. He always knew where to find me, which frightens me to this day."

"Was he often angered?" Dwalin treated carefully, though he was ready to launch into a fight.

"Nearly always angered." I corrected.

"Did he ever take it out on you?" That sparked the Durin boy's to life.

"No! Never!" I quickly responded, not wanting their wrath directed towards my innocent friend. "If he was that mad, he would go and train. He would never lay a hand on one of his own, which did include me, much to my surprise. Although, the yelling match between him and his father could be heard from miles away."

"Did you two ever fight?" Balin was suspicious due to my rapid attempts to protect him."We considered ourselves siblings, therefore we fought like siblings."

My words sounded heavy and dismissing, ended all questions on the subject.I spared a glance towards the small groups of brothers within the Company, watching them all share a look of understanding. With those words, everyone quieted. Their thoughts allowing me the opportunity to remain silent for a time.

~~~~~~~

By the time I felt able to join the conversation that had sprung to life around me, the topic was heavy with depth.

"What's your greatest fear?" Òri's voice rung over to Dwalin, catching most of the group's attention.

Dwalin hummed in deep thought, "I think having to fight that dragon with the little amount of men - and woman - we have, I'm afraid of losing the people around me."

Men grumbled in agreement, nodding subconsciously.

"I am afraid of become my grandfather." Thorin said suddenly, shocking most. "I don't want to lose myself the same way he had, caring for nothing but his gold."

A silence settled over the group, heavy and hot. One I could not understand, and struggled to feel included in this conversation. Until I was noticed.

"What about you Axell? What are your greatest fears?" Dòri vocalized largely, claiming the attention of all.

"Depends...do you mean ones I have or haven't lived?" My hands began to warm, and I knew my nervousness was kicking in.

Only these dwarfs ignite my emotions, I have never felt so strongly for any other group.

"Well, we know the ones you haven't lived. How about the ones you have?" His question seemed to more like a statement.

Honestly, I was stunned that I trusted them so much that I subconsciously allowed them to know so much, yet I complied.

"Alcohol." The surprise took its toll on the surround lot, shocking many into stillness, since silence had already taken its place over the group.

"Truly?" Fíli wondered.I nodded, thinking about how it affected my thoughts and actions with such intensity."I cannot think of anything worse, than drinking too heavily. Losing your ways and thoughts to something so harmless. It is a vile drink, I lost my mind to it after I had run from my previous life--"

"The one with all the killings?" Glóin supplied, earning a nod from myself and few around me.

"It scares me how simply one can lose themselves. Not able to remember anything, or control what you are doing. Not able to remember the person next to you...Or who they are..." I expelled a shaky breath that most flinched at, knowing that it was never a sign of a good memory; they were right. "Or why they're dead."

I could feel the tension release when I shook myself free from the horror and trauma.

"I have long avoided drinking and my past, I wish for neither to return in my life. Although, with the caring people surrounding me now, I don't think I need to worry so much."

"Why exactly do you trust us so much?" Bilbo finally spoke, his brows furrowed in a curious amusement.

"Because I have finally found people I can call family." It was cheesy, but it was true.

Multiple teasing awe's and laughs filled the air around me, caring shoves being prodded at me. The only thing I could do was 'complain' and shove back, but the laughs of joy escaping my own lips contradicted my words.I couldn't be happier.

~~~~~~~

After some time of proceeding on in our quest, more serious questions began to arise. It did not go unnoticed in which these questions grew greater and more intense with each passing day we drew closer to the forest of Mirkwood.

"Why were you chosen to be the assassin?" One of the men grumbled into the silent air, whom I was unsure seeing as how I was nearly asleep.

"I was deceitful," I forced past my yawn, unaware of the disfigurement in my words. "If I was able to deceive the king, then I was capable of deceiving anyone."

"So that was why you were sent." Another dwarf mumbled, positive that he was correct.

"No," I slurred, not bothering to open my eyes again.

"No?" The man questioned in confusion, sorrowful and pain-filled eyes glancing at me as I drifted off slowly.

"I was sent because I didn't exist." Then I was asleep on the warm body at my side.

~~~~~~~

I was deep in my thoughts, surrounded by snoring bodies and comatose forms. I could not be more content, basking in the warm glow of the fire. I enjoyed the lazy silence between myself and the second on watch, his brother having collapsed into a much needed sleep. Kíli has been situated on my lap, half asleep, for about the past hour. Sloppy conversation flopped between the two of us in the beginning, now we lounged in silent flickering of the flame. The archer watched my every move with adoration, carefully examining my expressions.

"What are you thinking about?" His sleepy voice slurred into the air.

"My last mission," I admitted, feeling like he was the only one that wouldn't judge me. "And how grateful I was for it."

Kíli just cuddled closer and encouraged me as his hand held my own.

"The arrow scar in my side," His eyes glowed in familiarity at my words. "That's where it came from...I had been sent out, hidden amongst the Greenwood Elves as they traveled. My objective was to kill an Elf on the White Council. The group I had been traveling with had been attacked by an Orc pack. We fought off most of them, but there had been such a large amount that the elves traveling had to turn around and head back to the Greenwood. I had been injured in the battle, Legolas was forced to assume I had been killed. He was not allowed to turn back to find me, the area was too overrun. It was nearly an hour later when Elrond and the Rivendell elves had finished the pack. They had found me and assisted me back to health. All while knowing what I was, and where I was headed."

I spoke silently, being sure not to wake any of the lighter sleepers.

"So Elrond knew you were sent to kill him?" Kíli lulled, half asleep but listening to me nonetheless; I nodded as his gentle fingers traced the scar on my cheekbones and nose, a soothing notion.

"I never went back to Thranduil after that. Honestly, I think this is the furthest I've traveled since then. "I thought to myself.

"I stress the idea of Mirkwood."I admitted my in gentle words, feeling similar to an open wound; raw and vulnerable.

I dropped my eyes to his own, seeing nothing but amazement and fondness. His thumb gently brushing over my cheek as he took my face in his hand.

"You are unbelievably strong, and have conquered tasks that I would have deemed impossible." Kíli's voice floated gently, passionate with an emotion I have never heard. "What has happened to you in the past is nothing more than a memory, they cannot do anything to you that could be worse than chaining yourself to what you fear most. Don't let your fears claim your beautiful soul."

I smiled shyly in joy and disbelief, dwarfs could truly be the most forgiving and loving of creatures.

~~~~~~~

I startled awake with a desperate sob, attempting to focus on my heavy gasps to keep the tears from flowing. The words repeating in my mind like a spell or mantra ripping at the tender corners of my thoughts.

_Stay low,_

_Go fast..._

_Kill first,_

_Die last..._

_One shot,_

_One kill..._

_Not luck,_

_All Skill._

 

 

 


	31. Fighting against Memories

Axell's POV:

Today is the first day in nearly two weeks that I have walked from dawn till dusk, and then some. The Company hadn't wanted to push me further than nightfall, but I have forced the dwarfs of the Blue Mountains further away from their arrival date. A problem I hoped to have never caused, forcing myself to feel as if I had become a burden. The stars gleaming overhead faded away slowly in the rising firelight, an orange hue that settled my inwardly quaking nerves. Many dwarfs dropped into a deep and silent slumber, while others discussed tomorrow's plans and actions.

The Orcs were gaining, even more so due to myself. Even if we were to heave onward until midnight every day they would still catch us before we left the Misty Mountains.

I lay still on the ground, knowing full well that sleep will not grace me tonight. I have made a pact with my mind, and was too determined to save my family to disregard it any longer.

\--------

Light snores echoed in the dead of the night, confirming that it was now time. I had not unpacked any of my battered sacks knowing that I would be faster, and my actions will cease to be as painful as imagined. I slipped away silently, moving in the direction we had all travelled from. There was a path that split North that I would take, and they would finally be safe from me. I thought I had succeeded, until a booming voice called to me loudly.

"Where do you think you are headed?"

_Damn, it was Thorin. It couldn't have been anyone else?!_

I froze in my shoes, cringing in frustration as I mouthed vulgar words. I refused to face the quickly souring man as his demanding footstep fell frustrated towards my resentful form, knowing the argument to come.

"I thought it was understood that you were to stay at our sides until you have properly healed." His tongue was aggravated and hostile, while his eyes were hard and misleading.

I refused to give a response, knowing full well that a battle would arise either way. He crossed his arms in a demanding and unimpressed attitude, while his face grew into a signature grimace. I mirrored his movements, only aggravating the man more.  I could sense the agonizing flame burning beneath his tongue waiting to be released, only to scorch the one fighting his wrath; but I was mentally preparing for the battle ahead.

"Do you believe that you would survive without our aid?" The man spat as he towered over my height at an uncomfortably close distance, yet he managed to hover far enough away to not feel my boiling rage.

"I believe that I would survive long enough to escape your spite." I released back, watching as I added more oil to the maliciously burning fire.

"My _spite_ is only to ensure the safety of everyone." The King spat, his eyes growing colder by the second.

"Do you not believe that I am trying to ensure the same thing?!" I hissed, attempting to keep my voice quiet as the volume and anger grew.

"Pray tell how you believe that leaving us all at our weakest is ensuring that none of us get killed?" His words sang in my ears similar to that of an explosion too close to the range of physical hearing.

"I am ridding you all of the weakest! Can you not see that?! I am trying to buy you all more time to escape, more time to fight. Giving you less time worrying about the wounded and less time the Orcs have to catch up with all, can you not comprehend that?!" I growled in aggression; I was wary of our footing, knowing I was safer out of the man's reach compared to inside it.

I may be skilled in many areas but I know when I am in the condition to fight and when I need to be alert of my opponent.

"No! I am not able to comprehend how my most skilled fighter could abandon us in our time of need! When the Orcs manage to catch up — which they will whether or not you think leaving will help — I need all of those capable of withstanding the fight we will need to face." The darkness of the night casted hostile shadows across his features, and I was hoping it was doing the same for me. "I can see your fear Axell, I truly can. I know what this is about."

The accusations only further angered me.

"You don't know what this is about Thorin! The man halted all movements, a tinge of emotions burnt to his face; although they were unidentifiable.

"Then please explain instead of leaving me here to rot in confusion!" He glowered.

I was stunned into an unbeaten silence. Not even a graveyard could compete against me. It was not because I had nothing to speak out for, but I such a quantity that I knew not where to begin. My only reaction was to stand there with a neutral expression and stare at the man with ever fibre of my being. The concerned gaze I was receiving did nothing for my vulnerable state. Each time I attempted to speak my words were lost in the breeze as my mind failed to interpret my thoughts. The hardened man slowly melted at my state, softening to my unresponsive frame. The dwarf slowly shuffled forward until I was within touching distance, his blacksmith fingers tenderly raising my chin to enforce eye contact.

"You are afraid. Are you not?" His words came out softly, but with a reprimanding tone.

In my weakened way I was forced to nod in response.

"Then tell me what you are afraid of. I will try to understand." His eyes were now tender and kind, and it somehow soothed me into cooperating.

I will forever claim that it was magic he had used to control me this night, for I have never been able to follow a command.

"I am afraid the past will repeat itself." I chuckled moistly, knowing it was a poor excuse for an answer. "It is such a lame fear."

"No, it is not. You have your reasons. Your past has been brutal. What is it you don't want to repeat?" The man was slowly coaxing answers from me in a way that only a King will ever be capable of doing.

"I don't want any of it to repeat...I don't want to lose the ones closest to me. I don't want to lose myself again, and if we were to be hostages of anyone I would break. You wouldn't know me, and that terrifies me more than it should. However, I am terrified of people caring the most." My voice was cracking and I knew that tears would most likely follow soon.

"Why would that be?" The harsh figure was smooth in my time of need, like a stone perfected by a river.

"Because last time I was hurt. Not just emotionally, but physically. This scar," I traced over the mark I knew say over my heart, following the line by memory alone. "It was put there by someone who cared too much."

I watched as the body before me grew stiff, and his expression grew dim. I knew that he was understanding what I wanted to avoid most.

"And what happened that day?" Hands grasped my shoulders roughly, obviously pained by my words.

"It wasn't meant to be him." I avoided.

"Axell. What. Happened. That. Day." His voice was dark as he punctuated each word that fell into the night.

"The Elves of the Greenwood were ordered to mark me." I sighed, discontinuing eye contact for the time being. "All of the elves had hated me, and each discussed with glee exactly how deep each mark would be. The prince's words overruled all else's. He did it to spare me. Carving a lone engraving to spare me the symbol. He had hoped it would be enough."

"But?!" The dwarf got frustrated at my inability to speak fast enough.

"The elves were unsatisfied. I was locked up to be executed the next morning by order of the king, but that same night a group of Legolas's best warriors had pulled me down to the cellar and branded my skull. They knew what the prince had been planning before morn had risen. They had tossed me back into the cell within fifteen minutes of the act. Low and behold, Legolas had come to a bloody mess. He tended to my wounds, and committed mutiny against the king. He sent me off into the forest until an agreement with his father could be made." I spoke slowly, calculating the effect each word had.

"How long after that did your final mission take place?" He was unreadable, both comforting and frightening for an assassin.

"Less than several weeks." I replied, brown hair falling into my line of sight of the dark mountain floor.

The man moved my hair and raised my face, memorizing the open and trusting state I was painfully vulnerable to.

"You repeat things while you are asleep." The leader admitted. "Not every night, only when night terrors strike you."

I could feel myself pale at his words.

"Do you believe them?" He seemed powerless, a rare sight to behold.

"Believe whom?" I was wary of where this topic was headed.

"What the elves had told you that night?"

I refused to answer, which became an answer all on its own.

"Oh Axell, do you not realize your value? Do you not realize your worth? You fight so hard that you damage yourself, refusing to notice that help has never been far." I could feel tears gathering at his words. "Dear child, you care so much that it is near impossible to keep up with your heart. You are such a wild thing that it raises the hopes of everyone around you."

I gave a broken smile, wondering how this man always released a side that has been hidden for years with such ease.

"Maybe that is why my nephews have grown so fond of you." He admitted with a chuckle as he pulled me in for a rare and comforting hug.

I chuckled and returned the hug, but released myself too painfully soon.

"I still must leave Thorin." I spoke silently.

"You can try but we will find you in the morn. So why not make it easier on yourself and come back to camp." His words were filled with amusement, but they contained plenty of truth.

"Thorin--" I sighed in exasperation, but was cut of by the larger male.

"You know full well that it will be my nephews making haste to catch you, and that will make everyone else scuttle along." The man was trying to make it sound like a challenge, but I have always been up for a challenge.

"I must." I stood resolute.

"Very well. At least allow me to tend to your wounds before you head off." I knew this was part of his plan, but I figured that even care couldn't be denied.

"I guess even the most determined of people cannot deny care." I agreed, following close behind the leader.

It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I had noticed he had won. My wounds had been cared for, however I have become too spent to fight any further.

"If you still plan on leaving successfully then you must leave now." Thorin's tone was filled with merriment at my loopy expression, my face showing my true fatigue.

My vulgar language spilled over into common tongue, pestering Thorin for his actions. His chuckle ran through the sleeping forest.

"You kiss my youngest sister son with that mouth?!" He mocked, an overly large grin plastered his amused features.

I gaped at him in stunned surprise, my cheeks becoming flushed and palms sticky.

"Thorin...no." With that I buried my pink tinged face, listening the humour filled chuckles carrying through the breeze.

Maybe being stuck with them is truly medicating.

 


End file.
